Whohoo!

I have finally created my own blog. I feel like I sort of have my own little kindom now. No one will probably ever read this. But what the hell. I guess its obvious I’m easily amused.

I had a ton of ideas before and now that I sit here I’ve got nuthin’.

I just got off of the phone with a certain person. And I’m irritated. She called to wussed out on me AGAIN at the last minute. We were supposed to go out tonight. She’s done this so many times that the last time we actually did go out, my preschooler was 3 months old and I was still sporting 30 pounds of maternity weight. (Sidenote: It took two YEARS to take off that weight and that feat was accomplished a long freakin’ time ago.)

In the past she’s used a host of excuses. And I tried to anticipate whatever excuse she may make and construct the evening around these excuses. I made the night as cheap as possible saying we could get together, go to a few stores to look around, and maybe either have a drink or dessert. I promised it wouldn’t be a late night. She said that was fine. But now she’s giving me some lame excuse. This is the same person who complains about how she never goes out and how her hubby spends too much money on beer and too much time out with the guys. So what the hell?

She’s not the only one. I have another friend who likes to pull the same sort of thing. But if she hears me talk about having lunch with another friend, she gets this hurt, puppydog look in her eyes which says, “Why didn’t you invite ME? Why don’t you EVER ask ME to go out?” I love both of these women dearly. So I keep trying. But I always know that there’s a 90% chance that they’ll cancel on me at the last possible minute. ( I call these “lame duck” friends.) I have other girlfriends who’ve voiced this same problem. So I know I’m not the only one.

Usually the only way you will see “lame duck” friends is if you make all sorts of allowances for their excuses and tailor the outing exactly to their needs. And even then, they usually crap out. But sometimes you get lucky. And when you actually get to see them, you have a blast together. And then, they are usually the first one to say, ‘We really SHOULD get together more often.” Uh-huh.

These kinds of friends also usually have another trait that can drive you crazy — they can’t seem to make a move without their husbands/boyfriends. And usually their prime excuse is along the lines of “We really don’t have any money and well, my husband’s poker buddies are coming over so I have to clean the house now. But later on I’ll have to be there to wipe their noses, fill their drinks and chew their food for them. Besides I KNOW my husband will want to sleep in tomorrow since he will be up all night with the guys so I can’t go out anyway because I’ll have to watch the kids.”

Women just suck. Guys never call each other and wuss out on a night. Guys can have $.50 to their name, still be nursing a hangover and have wives so fed up with them that they offer ultimatums of divorce if the guy walks out the door. The guy’s response will usually be, “But I told Joe-Bob, Jones-y and Dicknose that I would be there. I can’t cancel NOW!”

Life would just be easier if I grew more body hair and a penis. Ok. Probably not easier just freakier since I’m only 5′5 1/2 and 120 pounds.