Midwestern Mommy » A kiss before DYE-ING

A kiss before DYE-ING

Posted on December 20, 2005
Filed Under Uncategorized |

My name is Lisa and I’m a bottled blonde.

Growing up, my hair was white blonde. When I was in my 20’s, my hair was a really pretty, NATURAL, light blonde. I hated my nose, skin, butt, breasts, (or lack thereof) and a myriad of other features but at least I liked the color of my hair. Sure it was too thin and too straight and too this or not enough of that. But the shade of blonde was something I was totally ok with.

And then I got pregnant and the hormones totally screwed with my hair. So my natural color turned into a dishwater, rat-colored, dingy, cigarette ashy, brownish color. So… I started doing what any other girl who’s been raised by penny-pinching, conservative, rural German Catholics would do. I went to Target and helped myself to the many dyes offered in the realm of “blonde”. And over time, I scorched my hair.

At one point, I cut it all off because it was so overprocessed and damaged. I also got tired of the many mishaps encountered when I’d decided to go with a “warm” shade or try a darker shade. I moaned about this to my cousin Linlee and my aunt Linette one night. That’s when they shared with me their secret — a color genius named Pat.

So ever since I’ve been going to Pat, I totally LOVE my hair color. We do something a little different each time. And it always looks natural and clean and pretty. But alas this week, I have NO TIME to deal with the two inch rat-colored roots I possess. They didn’t look all that bad last week, but come Sunday, it was making me cringe. So last night in a fit of desperation and memory loss, I grabbed a color/highlighting kit at Target.

The color was SUPPOSED to be a cool, dark blonde. What I got was a dark, ashy, reddish color not found in nature. This color can’t even be found upon the fur of a decayed carcuss with fifty different tire treads acrossed it.

This color isn’t even found in un-nature… Its a new hue all its own. Its like someone drank Cosmopolitans then vomited all over the bark of an oak tree. It is NOT pretty or remotely flattering. (On the positive side, at least it doesn’t SMELL like bark and puke.)

I cringe every time I get near a mirror. My hubby was diplomatic. He said, “It doesn’t look that BAD.” Translation: It doesn’t look good either.

I’ve tried washing it six times in the shower this morning, hoping to get most of the color out to no avail. I have been in this situation before and know that in two weeks, it will look slightly less horrific. But being that this week is freaking CHRISTMAS, that doesn’t help. Dying it again will make it look even worse.

And it looks like I’m not only in for a trip to see Pat — to grovel and beg her to fix this train wreck. But another haircut too IF she has the time. Because my normal, shiny, soft hair has been replaced with dull, fly-away straw.

And what sucks? Is that I’m half way through a big bag of candy and I STILL don’t feel better. Which means…. I may need alcohol. And alot of it. And oh, there might be some crying later too.

Comments

9 Responses to “A kiss before DYE-ING”

Ranger Tom on December 21st, 2005 11:17 am

My best friend Bart had super light blonde hair growing up… And the older he gets, the darker it gets. He(at 42) has now a reall dark chestnut color…

Odd, really because I’m going rapidly gray and I’m two years younder than him… At least I won’t be bald! I’ll have a head of hair like Leslie Neilson… Along with his poker-faced humor!

So cheer up! It can’t be THAT bad!

;)~
Ranger Tom on December 21st, 2005 11:19 am

Oh, I almost forgot… I’ll have to ask a really good friend of mine here what brand she uses… She has the most beautiful natural blonde hair, but does highlight it with something… I’ll get the info and get back to you!
quinn on December 21st, 2005 2:57 pm

Aww, I’ve been there, down to the just-in-time-for-the-holidays part, too. I ended up taking a half day to pay a high price to a random hair corrective colorist, who actually made it worse. I realized after I paid her that the certificate hanging on her wall had expired 9 months before… So yeah, it could be worse.

(in response to your comment on NN: we stayed at the Days Inn at Watson and… Lindbergh, I think)
Dawn on December 21st, 2005 4:15 pm

I can utterly empathize. I did the very same thing to my hair, and turned it some god forsaken color - which was like burgandy Gone BAD, then had to have it stripped - which turned it ORANGE, and then had to have it dyed back to brown

After, I vowed to never, never never color my hair myself again.

I would buy you a drink if I were there. But not a Cosmo. That might make you cry.
Rude Cactus on December 21st, 2005 5:45 pm

Try alcohol. But also remember, you’re your own harshest critic and its never as bad as you’d lead yourself to believe.
Nap Queen on December 21st, 2005 6:06 pm

Oh no! I’m so sorry. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think it is, but I totally sympathize with you.
Linlee on December 21st, 2005 8:49 pm

I am so tempted to print out this post and mail it to Pat. She would get such a kick out of it.
Christina_the_wench on December 22nd, 2005 2:27 pm

(hands Lisa the bottle) I have a full blown cold starting this morning. Yippee.

Let’s drown our sorrows and bad hair color till the pain stops.
Isabel on December 28th, 2005 12:00 am

I hope Pat was able to save the day.

And don’t feel alone, all of us women have done this-time and time again.

When will we learn?