Once upon a time, in a small midwestern town, there lived a 21-year-old, flat-chested, highly insecure lass by the name of Lisa. During Lisa’s college years she dated an outgoing party dude named Mike.

Mike was a very sweet and funny young man. But he was also a very gassy man. In fact, Lisa was convinced that he was the gassiest guy in all the land.

One night Mike and Lisa double-dated with their best friends Jim and Angie. The foursome decided on a Sunday night viewing of “The Pelican Brief”. As usual, Mike fell asleep 20 minutes into the movie.

In the middle of a very intense scene, (toward the end of the movie) as the crowded theater fell silent, Mike unknowingly “let one fly”. And fly it did. He farted so loud he woke himself up. The sound echoed throughout the theater.

Lisa was startled but not entirely surprised. She kept looking straight ahead at the movie. She worried that if she’d react, everyone would suspect her beau or (worse yet,) her! Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her boyfriend slump further down into his seat. The seats in front of her, inhabited by several young teens, were shaking violently — the kids were trying very hard to laugh without disrupting the show.

Lisa looked to her left only to see Jim and Angie give her an incredulous look while giggling. Lisa then looked straight ahead for a few more seconds. Then she leaned to her right and whispered to Mike, “That’s quite a performance you put on there.”

Poor Mike slumped into his seat even further. At this point, the 6′2, 230-pound man had slumped down too far to even see the movie.

This caused more peels of laughter from Angie and Jim. Lisa tried not to laugh. She knew Mike was horribly embarrassed.

Soon after, the news of Mike’s “performance” spread like wild fire through his large group of friends.

Although Lisa hasn’t talked to Mike in several years, she’s willing to bet that he has never let himself fall asleep in a movie theater EVER again.

And although Lisa, at the time, swore Mike was the gassiest man on the planet, she was mistaken. That dubious title, (ironically) should be given to another outgoing, fun-loving, nice guy… the man she ended up marrying.