Midwestern Mommy

Natalie, our almost-four-year-old neighbor spent a few hours at our house yesterday with Seth.

These two? Not to get all Forrest Gump on ya, but they go together like peas and carrots. I got such a kick out of overhearing their many and varied conversations.

The first one went like this:

Nat: I’m your girlfriend so you have to be nice to me.
S: Ok. But you have to be nice to me too.
Nat: Oh. (Pauses to think about this.) Ok.

They were very sweet to each other the entire time. I’m thinkin’ that Natalie is on to something when she tells a guy right off the bat that she expects him to treat her well.

At one point they were in the basement riding big wheels and had the following conversation:
Nat: You be daddy pig and I’ll be mamma pig.
S: Ok.
Nat: Daddy pig, help me. I’m scared.
S: I’ll protect you.
Nat: YOU SAVED MY LIFE. Thank you daddy pig!

He even let her ride his beloved Harley tricycle. He shared all of his toys without hesitation. And of course he had to show her his most precious possession. He has bunk beds WITH a ladder. Apparently kids of all ages think this is the coolest thing evah. They love to sit on the top bunk and throw stuffed animals “off the bridge.”

Little does he realize that this? Will be the ONLY time he’s ever allowed to have a girl in his room.

All day he’s been asking, “Can I have my girlfriend Mat-a-wee over?” He’s even made up a song about her coming over the play.

I think so far, my son is going to be a really good hubby some day. He’s pretty laid back and is totally ok with doing what the girl wants to do. And he has no problem sharing his toys. Little does he realize, THIS is the key to happy marriage.

Now about those eight children he supposedly wants…

So on that last post I mentioned how Seth has decided he wants eight children someday. Melissa, of Sugared Harpy, commented that I shouldn’t let him near the Duggar daughters. I had no idea what this meant so I googled it.

Here’s what I found: http://www.jimbob.info/

These people have 15 children! 15! Apparently, this family is famous because Movin’ Mom said something about them too.

Wow. Now there’s a woman who REALLY likes to “put out”. My main question is this: HOW is her uterus STILL in her body? Wouldn’t it have dropped down to her knees by now?

Forget questions regarding an organized house. What I want to know is how does she and her hubby find time to have sex? Do they have their own landfill in the back yard? I would think you’d need one with all of those diapers. What does she do if she gets a migraine? What happens when a stomache virus sweeps through the house?

I have ONE child. And there are many days where I tell myself that if I can keep my last shred of sanity by his nap time, I will then find a steak knife and tie my OWN tubes. So this mother is obviously MUCH more patient than I could ever be.

The couple claims to be like most ordinary, average families. But, I found this little nugget on their site: “Michelle & I did not have any children for the first 4 years of marriage. We chose to use the birth control pill…. We then realized we had the same heart attitude about children as those willfully choosing abortion (wanting to make our own plans, live our own lives, children could be a bother or interruption).

Gee Jim-Bob, I might be complete moron but I don’t think ordinary, average people equate using birth control to having an abortion. Me thinks comments like these are reasons why you lost your bid for Senate.

And if you want a family this big, that’s fine. Its none of my business. But frankly, I’m scared to stand within two miles of you for fear of getting pregnant. You’re obviously one potent dude.

As for my son, someday I hope he finds a woman who will love and cherish him as much as he will love/cherish her. But if her last name is “Duggar”, I’ll smile and nod when I meet her — because I’m sure she’ll be a lovely lass but I will knock him out and give him a vasectomy when she’s not looking. Because I’m sure even doing that will still net them at least four or five children.

Seth has got his life all figured out. He’s not quite four yet.

Apparently, he’s a planner. Unlike Marc and me. I’m 33 and I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

Since Seth was around 2 1/2, he’s set his sights on becoming a doctor and a daddy someday.

He recently informed me that he wants to have eight children — all boys. He even has their names all picked out. They are: Hunter, Logan (like his two cousins) Mitchell, Jacob, Austin, Tanner, Michael (like his friends) and Seth (because apparently, he wants a jr).

I told him I don’t know if he’ll be able to find a woman crazy enough to agree to that sort of madness. The poor woman would spend most of her time pregnant, recovering from being pregnant or on her knees trying to wipe up all of the pee that missed the toilet but hit the walls, vanity and anything else. (Shudder)

So I’m teaching him how to sort laundry these days, feed the dog as well as pick up his room and clean up after himself. Because in 20-something more years, if he still wants eight children he’s going to need a high paying job and some serious housekeeping skills so some poor, poor woman doesn’t lose her mind.