Lead us not into menstruation but deliver us from evil
You know what I really, really hate?
Every week a certain person sends me at least three religious chain letters. These really, really piss me off. I highly doubt that St. Theresa will take a heaping karmic poop on me if I break the chain. And no, I’m not going to send this letter to 50 people to show I love me some Jesus.
(Look! I’m sending you an e-mail about Jesus! That makes me a good, moral person, right? RIGHT? )
(I believe the correct answer to this question is “NO!” And if you keep sending me this tripe when I’ve politely asked you several times not to, you are going to “meet your maker” sooner than you anticipated!)
You know (pausing to think and eat some candy)… Typically when I see religious e-mails from this person, I just roll my eyes and delete. Maybe… Just maybe…. I need Aunt Flo to pack her shit up and LEAVE! Maybe its just that I’m tired of being bloated. And even more tired of being tired. My new elliptical trainer has been kicking my butt lately. But yet, nothing fits me due to the bloat! Do you KNOW how much chocolate and ice cream I’ve eaten in the last 48 hours? Do you KNOW how much time I’m going to have to spend on that damn piece of equipment in repentance?
Gawd. I can’t WAIT for menopause.
Red on 19 May 2006 at 1:32 am #
I HATE those too!
Somehow I don’t believe that if I don’t send on some silly chain poem that my life won’t be blessed!
I posted on chain e-mails in April in a post called “Forwarding.” Feel free to steal it and send it on!!
Mrs. Chicky on 19 May 2006 at 1:42 am #
Oooh, I get those from time to time from a certain person and I have the same reaction… but its not always because Aunt Flo showed up for an unexpected visit. Its mainly because this certain person needs to wake up and realize that I couldn’t give a rats ass.
What type of candy?
Lori on 19 May 2006 at 1:49 am #
Hormones are powerful little buggers, ain’t they?
My aunt not only sends me those ridiculous chain emails, she also sends me every freaking internet hoax warning that comes down the pike. At first, I would respond with a link to Snopes.com and explain that what she sent me was nothing but an urban legend, but she never got the hint. Now she’s on my spam list. Oh well.
Enjoy some chocolate for me!!
Mega Mom on 19 May 2006 at 2:38 am #
Ooohh…you’re going to H-E-double hockey sticks. Oooohhh.
motherhooduncensored on 19 May 2006 at 2:40 am #
Girl. My friend from college sent me an actual chain letter - with a lottery ticket.
And I totally kept the ticket and never sent the letter. I think this might be bad bad bad karma, eh?
Stephanie A. on 19 May 2006 at 3:03 am #
I hate chain letters and forwards- especially the religious ones. I never pass them on because they are silly and a waste of time. I’d rather use that time to send someone a REAL email saying hi and asking how they are doing.
carrie on 19 May 2006 at 4:33 am #
I too, can sympathize - with ALL of it. Chain letters are silly and periods are the worst joke EVER played on us every single month!! How long until HRT?
Ranger Tom on 19 May 2006 at 11:33 am #
The only thing worse than someone who wears their religion and faith on their sleeve is soneone who insists of ramming down everyone’s throat.
Christina_the_wench on 19 May 2006 at 1:11 pm #
I firmly believe God doesn’t do chain letters. Prayer is way better any day.
Nap Queen on 19 May 2006 at 1:45 pm #
We did what Lori did and gave my mom the link to Snopes.com and told her (politely) that she should check out the validity of email forwards before passing them along. And you know what? IT WORKED!
Becky on 19 May 2006 at 2:26 pm #
great you just reminded me i gotta work out!
Jenn on 19 May 2006 at 2:31 pm #
uuuughhh I HATE those things! And people know that I’m not religious and they STILL send them to me. I think they are trying to “save” me one email at a time! LOL
Andrea on 19 May 2006 at 2:52 pm #
I don’t think God is reading my email and making sure I forward stuff on. I hate the ones that try to guilt you into sending them on. “You can tell which option I chose…” Rrrrrgh!
I just don’t like chain letters period. I read them and if there’s a story or a sentiment I like, I’ll delete the chain crap off and send it to a few people just to say hey, this was good. But mostly I try not to forward much unless it’s laugh out loud funny. And I have to literally laugh out loud for that to apply. There’s not too much of that going around.
jennifer on 19 May 2006 at 5:07 pm #
There are two people in my office who send those religious chain letters TO EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE. When clearly, everyone is not of the same religious persuasion as they are. Everytime I get one, I’m just amazed… but they keep on comin’! I think the two individuals in question must be very intent on getting into heaven by showing St. Peter printouts of all the chain letters the forwarded.
Lawanda on 19 May 2006 at 8:28 pm #
Awwww! I feel ya honey. On the menstruation and the emails. I hope the hormones relax their grip and Aunt Flo is nicer next month. ((HUGS))
Heidi on 19 May 2006 at 8:44 pm #
Why do people insist on sending them even when you’ve asked them not to? I’m not sure, but I don’t think anyone has proven that pushy people get to heaven faster.
melissa on 19 May 2006 at 9:26 pm #
“(Look! I’m sending you an e-mail about Jesus! That makes me a good, moral person, right? RIGHT? )”
That’s EXACTLY why they send it. I’ll never understand!
Dawn on 20 May 2006 at 2:33 am #
Yeah, but the hot flashes. I fear the flashes of hotness.
Ooooh. Maybe I am framing this all wrong.
Kirsten on 20 May 2006 at 3:29 am #
There are religious chain letters? I had no idea something like that existed. It sort of makes me want to puke. There should be some sort of email abuse law. Religious chain letters could be a felony.
Andrea on 20 May 2006 at 3:06 pm #
You’ll get a kick out of this. A woman in one of our satellite offices sent a chain (harmless though) email to her friends in her building and then to our entire department, which spans several offices and about 50 people. It was called ’screen cleaner’ with puppies licking the screen and it said, “Your screen is clean, now send us on to someone else.” One of our Vice Presidents replied TO ALL for her not only to not forward crap like that during office hours but “not to send it to a general distribution group full of people who couldn’t care less about receiving these.”
I wanted to throw him a party. That may be one less chain letter forwarder in the world.
consise10 on 21 May 2006 at 7:23 am #
It sounds like a ‘chain of tripe’,I don`t blame you for being narky at that person! Thank God (with my tongue in cheek) I have never received such a package!!
sunshine scribe on 21 May 2006 at 7:30 pm #
Tell us how you really feel Lisa
I hate chain letters too. The religious kind are the worst, like I am going to hell or something if I don’t send them. And I don’t. Straight to hell for me I guess…