Way to go dumbass!
Guess what trailer trash move I skillfully employed yesterday morning on the front lawn?
It was 9:15 ish and I was trying to usher the little man into the car. The garage door was up so he kept running onto the driveway and front lawn whenever I’d get him close to the open car door. Before this, I had already spent at least 30 minutes telling him (at least 500 times) to take off pj’s and put on his clothes, socks, shoes…. I was running on about 2 hours of fitfull sleep. I was tired, headachy and cranky. Hubby has been out of town most of last week. He was gone Monday, Tuesday and today too. So I’ve been subjected to the “All Seth — All the time channel” alot lately. With no time to replenish my reserves, my patience was shredded.
While I was trying to wrangle the boy into the car, my neighbor across the street came outside to ask me a quick question. At this point I was in a very big hurry because I was very late. As I yelled to her my answer, I was still trying to get the child in the car. All this time, he wasn’t listening. He was doing this spastic little running-thing all over the front yard. And then I just snapped and started yelling at my son.
“Seth. Get in the car! GET IN THE CAR. GET IN THE CAR. GET IN THE CAR SETH!”
He finally stopped running and really looked at me. I met his gaze and growled, “GET IN THE DAMN CAR!” He FINALLY got in the car. But yes, I screamed at him in front of my neighbor in the front yard. There are a bunch of stay-at-home moms in the neighborhood. I’m pretty sure they all heard me too. Way to go Lisa, you dumbass!
I’m humiliated by my conduct. I feel horrible for the way I treated my son. I don’t want to yell at him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings and damage his self-esteem. I hate myself when I raise my voice. But I just don’t know HOW to get him to listen and follow directions the first time or even the 15th time I ask. He’ll finally listen and follow through if I “turn up the volume”. He is not like this around anyone but me. (I’m the one who spends the most time with him — especially since Children’s Day Out is closed for the summer and my hubby has been traveling alot.) I’ve tried removing the distractions from the area, getting to eye level and talking to him. But that child’s attention span is shorter than a gnat’s (when he’s with me.)
So if anyone has got some advice, I’m all ears!
carrie on 15 Jun 2006 at 7:43 am #
Please don’t feel bad, Katie runs away from me if I let her out the garage door before me. She hightails it up the cul-de-sac and taunts me to come chase her, I grit my teeth and threaten to leave (starting the car gets her a-runnin’), but it is thoroughly embarrassing and I’ve been the “yeller” to, just like you.
The only way that I know to avoid this is to buckle her in her carseat BEFORE I open the garage door, that way she can’t bolt!
Carrie
consise10 on 15 Jun 2006 at 10:12 am #
Im not sure what to tell you.I think we all have resorted to raising our voices at our boys. Mine has changed alot since going to school now when he comes home after school Im not quite sure which child he is.And i ask him “knock knock who are you? Hello is my little N there? I want him back.” This usually gets him laughing and back to normal,but It lasts all but ten minutes before he’s back doing stuff which break the rules of the home. I have always employed counting to ten and using competitive strategies like “first one to finish their cereal is the champ and gets gold!” or “first one upstairs and in bed is the days winner!” he seems to respond well to that kind of thing always has even at Seths age.N is now seven and even fuller of energy!
I hear you Lisa…{{{hugs}}} plus hands you a tall glass of Gin!
Lawanda on 15 Jun 2006 at 12:35 pm #
Awwww! Don’t feel bad for yelling at him. It worked didnt it? Sometimes they just NEED volume. They are kids ya know? Busy, and trying to get away with everything they can….
It isnt like you do it all the time! (It can get to be one of my bad habits if I am not careful, so I know just where you are coming from though.)
Just dont feel bad about it, ok. Move on and turn up the volume on occassion if it gets his attn.
And if it doesnt…. Try grabbing him by the arms and pulling him close to you (not hurting him, but firmly) and looking directly in his face about two inches from it and say very quietly “Do as I say.” pause “Now, what are we doing now?” And make him tell you what you’ve told him.
It may sound harsh, but it really isnt. Especially when you follow up with a “Good Job, you big boy, listneing to your mommy!”
And it always works for me when nothing else does….
Stephanie A. on 15 Jun 2006 at 12:37 pm #
Try not to be so hard on yourself. While I don’t advocate yelling at children everywhere, I think that sometimes (like in this instance) a little raising of the voice can show your son that, yeah, you’re human and when you’re pressed with a lack of sleep and disobedience, well, you’re like anyone else and you are going to get frustrated. I know, I know, I have an infant, so what do I know? Well, I was an au pair to three children who were 6 and 8 and I found that the couple of times I raised my voice out of frustration they felt like they saw a little insight into the person I am. Plus, since I’m not a natural yeller they would giggle (much later) and it would relieve the tension. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is not to feel badly about it. Granted, you wouldn’t want to give your neighborhood a free show every week, but you’re human and you have limits like everyone else. You’re also a good mom.
Motherhood Uncensored on 15 Jun 2006 at 12:43 pm #
Hey. That just sucks. And you can’t feel bad. We all lose it. Go have a drink and feel better.
Can you have a little talk with him? Use some type of reward system? Explain to him (briefly) why you need him to come right when you call him?
Iain Dughlais on 15 Jun 2006 at 1:10 pm #
Not much advice here, but with all the mom’s in your neighborhood… I’m sure they understand.
Isabel on 15 Jun 2006 at 1:13 pm #
Lisa, I’m with you…I can’t get my kid to listen to what I say. I keep telling him to “change your own damn diaper”…but he just won’t listen.
Just teasing. I know I’ll be needing this kind of advice myself in just a short time.
E-gads!!
Jennifer on 15 Jun 2006 at 1:49 pm #
I once opened the door (because I thought I heard someone knocking, but actually there was no one there), and my younger, very bad cat ran out the door and down the street. Once i lose sight of him it’s all over, so I chased him down with a towel on my head, no bra, no shoes, and hauled him back in. How’s THAT for trashy?
I can give no advice, but hopefully he’ll listen better when he’s older? Like maybe when he’s 30?
Mom Nancy on 15 Jun 2006 at 3:35 pm #
Keep yelling, Lisa. After 8 years, I’ve found it’s the one thing that will stop them in their tracks like, “Holy crap, she means it!”
Linlee on 15 Jun 2006 at 3:41 pm #
Lisa,
Your a great mom and Seth is a very lucky little boy to have you! You are allowed to lose it once in awhile. Who cares what they think!
Nap Queen on 15 Jun 2006 at 4:05 pm #
Believe me, I wish I knew the alternative to yelling, but I am a yeller at heart. If it is used sparingly, I don’t see a thing wrong with it, though. Sometimes, you have to show that you are serious and it isn’t a game. We were given loud voices for a reason, right?
Heidi on 15 Jun 2006 at 4:11 pm #
I’m a big believer of the “to each his own” method of child raising. Every kid - and every mother - is different.
Granted, I’m not much of a yeller (all credit goes to medication), but I can feel your frustration at S not behaving. L is younger than S, but the love and logic “choices” thing seems to be working for us.
Heidi on 15 Jun 2006 at 4:12 pm #
And, by the way, yelling most certainly does NOT make you a bad mother. Why do we always focus on the BAD things we do? What about all of the GREAT things you did for him on the same day?
Izzy on 15 Jun 2006 at 4:27 pm #
It’s been my experience that children test the people that they spend the most time with. I employed a counting system that seemed to almost scare my daughter. I have no idea why. To this day (she’s alost 6) if I start counting, she gets all worked up but she does what I need her to do.
Cheesegirl on 15 Jun 2006 at 6:11 pm #
You can’t dwell on what others think…you do what you gotta do. Every parent goes through the same scenario but we all do what we think is right at that moment. I ask Tyler if he likes it when I have to yell at him & he says no so then I say I don’t like yelling at you either, please listen & do what I say. Or you like to make Mommy happy, right? Well, doing what I say makes me very happy! And then lots of hugs & kisses!
Jaelithe on 15 Jun 2006 at 8:19 pm #
Um, if there are a lot of SAHMs on your street, then I am sure most of them knew exactly why you snapped and started screaming.
Anyway what he was doing was dangerous– running around near a street in and out of your line of sight while you were clearly distracted– and he’s old enough to know better. Sometimes when a kid is doing something dangerous and not listening to you, you just have to yell to get his attention.
My own husband is out of town right now, and I’ve definitely noticed an increase in my own voice’s volume . . .
melissa on 16 Jun 2006 at 12:58 am #
Um, drive him over to my house? I’ll watch him, you get a coffee/martini!
As you know, I’m working on my own issues with the yelling. The gentle discipline thing is helpful so far, but I lapse so easily. Grr.
Or? I can bring over the Starbuck’s/Vodka/Chocolate (pick your poison)!
Mrs. Chicky on 16 Jun 2006 at 2:34 am #
Sorry, I don’t have any advice for you. My daughter isn’t quite old enough for me to experience that with her and my dogs wait for me to tack on the word “Now!” to the end of every command before they respond.
But don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure those other moms have committed a few infractions of their own.
The Flip Flop Mamma! on 16 Jun 2006 at 3:18 am #
Since I’m a pastor’s wife, I feel like crap when I slip and yell at my oldest kid! I never cuss though, but still I have yelled and said things like “what the heck are you doing?” and then I’m so humiliated! It’s human nature…I’m sure you’re a great mom, and those other moms probably lose it behind closed doors.
movin'mom on 16 Jun 2006 at 12:33 pm #
I think my guilty thing was to bribe and let me tell you I think cussing works better. just kidding.
My kids got this
book when they were little called
A child’s behavior guide to bad manners- or something like that anyway each page had 6-8 scenes like a comic almost but simpler art.
They were all this little boy who just could not behave and I would read this to my kids and they would actually recognize things that they did as well. The funny thing is I would find this book in the bathroom in the car, in their bed, all four kids had interest in it,
So when we were out in public if they did something like that where I felt like I was at my 4 letter word point I would say, ” Your doing exactly what that boy was doing in your book” They always had to stop and think but then they would listen because the beauty of it was that it allowed them to see it as opposed to just being it, Even now when my kids see others kids losing it or not behaving they will make a face at me like, OMG.
They have no memory that they did it too. But it was short lived. you just gotta get a little creative.
sweatpantsmom on 16 Jun 2006 at 6:42 pm #
Don’t feel bad. You’re a good mom.
I would like to meet the mom in your neighborhood who HASN’T ever yelled at her kids. Because I would like to shake her hand and ask her what planet she’s from.
sunshine scribe on 17 Jun 2006 at 11:27 am #
Don’t beat yourself up over this. We all have lost it before and you are a good mom. With my son whose about the same age we’ve gone through the “turning up the volume” as the only thing that works phase too. But he changes like the weather so I am always trying new shit. Rewards, talking it out, loss of privledges, etc etc. You’ll find the right combination that is uniquely effective for Seth. Sending good vibes and a virtual martini your way…
Virginia Belle on 28 Jun 2006 at 3:57 pm #
beat him.
just kidding. kinda. i don’t know. it worked for my mom. and i’m pretty normal.
don’t worry about yelling at your kids. i think every mom does it. and as a single woman, i don’t think it is crazy or sign of a bad mother. i just look at the kid and think, “why won’t you just do what she says, you little punk?!”
more people are on your side than you think!
Mediocre Minister's Wife on 27 Jul 2006 at 7:33 am #
Just remember you’re only human. Apologize to your son and anyone that heard. I can tell you from experience that your son will NOT remember any of the good things you’ve done for him, but he’ll remember each and every time (down to the minute detail) you swore! LOL!!
Anyways, I love your blogs and am going to bookmark. I’m a pastor’s wife too. Come visit me at mediocreministerswife@blogspot.com
Good luck you darling saint!