The highlight of this past weekend was getting a Dyson Animal. ( http://www.dyson.com/range/feature_frame.asp?model=DC07-ANIMAL)

Normally I would be vehemently opposed to spending about $530-ish on a vacuum cleaner. I don’t care how cute and purple-y it is — that’s alot of money! Moolah that could buy more important things — like almost 90 hours of babysitting services. Or 45 meals at our favorite Chinese restaurant. Or enough booze to keep the ‘hood “liquored-up” for an entire weekend.

Our cheap vacuum cleaner was broken yet again. The sucker who takes it upon himself (or herself) to fix the “crappy vaccy” usually ends up muttering a string of creative profanities and is ultimately gifted with scraped and bloodied knuckles in the process. Plus? It quickly loses suction and the on/off switch doesn’t work. So if a string gets caught in the beater brush? By the time you realize it, run to the outlet and unplug, half the house smells like burning rubber.

So Saturday, we looked into a Dyson — just for grins. We bought one after a salesperson said the magic words, “this machine has got the strongest suction in the industry. Its called “The Animal” because it can remove the most stubborn pet hair. You know, the stuff you normally can’t get out.” Plus, no other accessories, bags, belts or junk to buy!

It was like the clouds parted and a ray of sunshine fell upon us. A choir of angels started sweetly singing, “Ahhhhhhh mennnn.”

Suddenly, we envisioned a house where dog hair didn’t roll across the hardwood floor like tumbleweed. We fantasized about not having to apologize profusely to passengers who drive in our vehicles. Our guests’ clothing wouldn’t be covered in dog hair once sitting on our couches. Seth’s and my allergies may even be somewhat alleviated. It was indeed a beautiful moment.

As soon as we got home, we unwrapped the Dyson, put it together and tried it out. It was awesome. It picked up the most pesky pet hair embedded in the crevices of the steps and everywhere else. Our carpets looked beautiful! I think I had an orgasm.

When I finished, I had collected enough dog hair to make six more dogs. When I realized that, I cursed the dog and gagged a little.

I gave my hubby a “heads-up”. I’m writing to Mr. Dyson to propose marriage. I will also ask to have at least 10 of his children. Because, being brilliant enough to create a vacuum cleaner this amazing? Clearly means this remarkable man’s DNA must carry on for the greater good of society. That and I find very smart, nerdy types to be terribly attractive.

Marc said, “Wow. You like this vacuum cleaner THAT much?”

“Let’s put it this way, ” I said. “If he were standing on a stage, I’d probably be throwing my underwear to him.”

Me and about a gazillion other women.