This post is inspired by Kristen of Motherhood Uncensored. (She did a post about the things she’d never say a few weeks ago.) If you ever hear me utter any of these words you have my permission to shoot me.

10.) (Said to my mom) “Can you call the priest at your church? Because I’d really like for Seth to be baptized and become a Catholic. I’d also like him to spend several hours a week alone with a number of priests once he’s on the cusps of puberty.” (Not that I don’t like Catholics. My entire family is Catholic, plus all of my childhood friends are too. Its just that my hubby and I have a different view on the whole religion thing.)

9.) “Does my butt look big in this?” (If I don’t think I’ll like the answer to a question, I just don’t ask. This is one of those questions I NEVER ask.)

8.) “I’m here to get my clitoris pierced. You do use anesthetics, right?”

7.) “Chocolate? Ice cream? That’s got to be the two most disgusting things on this planet.” (What’s really sad is that I’d probably eat dog poo if it was dipped in chocolate and ice cream.)

6.) (Said to my honey) “I really miss how you used to work 80-hour work weeks. And remember when you were gone so much our son thought you no longer lived with us? (Laugh.) Yeah. Good times!”

5.) (Said to honey) “I got that strap-on we’ve been kidding about for years.”

4.) (Said to honey) “I met this girl today who’s really hot. She’s completely open to doing a three-some. Ah, come on. What do yah say?”

3.) (Said to son) “Now making meth is very simple. I’ll show you how in a minute, but always remember, safety first!”

2.) (Said to son in the future) “It is completely ok to have sex with any girl who’s willing. And don’t use any protection because I want to be a young grandma!”

1.) “My biggest sexual fantasy is to have an orgy with George Bush, Michael Jackson, and Michael Moore. Yummy!”