Apparently I have a large sign on my head which can only be seen by doctors. The sign must read, “THIS WOMAN IS A COMPLETE MORON. SHE DESERVES NO RESPECT. BE RUDE AND SHE’LL PROBABLY JUST GO AWAY.”

Grrrr.

Went to a sleep specialist today because that whole not sleeping thing? For a number of YEARS? Is not a good thing. I have headaches daily. I’m fuzzy-brained, and am lethargic throughout the day. I’m crabby. And, despite continued workouts, I’m gaining weight. Plus, although I’m 33, I look A WHOLE lot older. I am not aging well. And frankly, my vanity is getting the better of me.

But the biggest reason I went is because someday I’m going to need to find a job. And I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t do a very good job when I’m getting so many headaches and can’t remember a conversation I’ve had 10 minutes ago. And they might not like me nodding off at 2 p.m. most days.

So I made an appointment at St. Luke’s Sleep Clinic last week. I went there today. I find out I most likely have sleep apnea AND insomnia. Gah. So a sleep study is next.

This all is fine. What pissed me off was the following conversation:

Me: I have problems falling asleep (blah blah, mind racing, blah, for years, blah.)
Dr: We have some drugs you can take for that.
Me: Well, we’ve been trying to have a baby. So I’m all for drugs if they are safe to use during pregnancy.
Dr: No tests have been done to confirm whether problems result with the fetus but yes, we probably don’t want to put you on any drugs if you are planning to conceive. We could use another tactic. What you do is you go to bed later and get up sooner each day. You create a sleep deficit. Then you gradually let yourself sleep more. You’ll be so tired, insomnia won’t be a problem. You will retrain your brain to think of your bedroom as a place of rest. Not anxiety.
Me: Well, that sounds good. But I get migraines if I have a few nights in a row of not enough sleep.
Dr: Stares at me like I’m an idiot.
Me: Stares back. Waiting for him to say something else.
Dr: It appears you want everything. And you can’t have EVERYTHING.

No, I don’t want everything. I want a fucking decent night’s sleep on a semi (at least) regular basis. Have you seen my skin? Have you seen all of the zits on my face?? Have you seen the bags under my eyes? This dull look in my eyes isn’t because I’m stupid. It’s because I’M FUCKING TIRED. And I feel like I’m about to lose my shit over this! I worry that if the outside of my body looks this shitty, then the inside must be far worse.

So I looked at the man. I didn’t know what to say. But I managed.

Me: Taking care of my son is MY job. If I get migraines I can’t do my job. My husband has to stop his work and take care of my son. If my husband has to do this more than every once in a while, he’s going to get fired. Then I will have even bigger problems than migraines and insomnia.
Dr: Well, I guess you’ll have to find a way to work around that.

And that’s when I realized this man has never had a migraine in his life or insomnia for that matter. (And then I wanted to GIVE him something to worry about!) I doubt he has kids. His 20-something ass was too well rested and groomed for that. After that exchange I wasn’t tired anymore. I was angry. Very angry. But I held my tongue. I got my paper work and left.

I really want to get a new sleep doctor. But if I stick with Dr. Jack (as in jackass), I could get my sleep study done next week. And then I’m that much closer to the possibility of a good night’s sleep on a regular basis. Or I could wait and find someone who’s not a complete jerk. But judging by the doctors in the St. Louis area, its quite difficult to find one that’s not. And really, I’ll be happy to overlook the asshole factor IF HE’S GOOD AT HIS JOB and in the end I get some quality sleep.

What is it about doctors acting as if they are the only remotely intelligent people on the planet? Is it just me? Or does this happen to you all too?