Midwestern Mommy » Don't try this at home... (No. Really. Don't.)

Don’t try this at home… (No. Really. Don’t.)

Posted on October 18, 2006
Filed Under Uncategorized |

At 5 a.m. I heard Seth talking to himself in his room. He was WIDE awake. I told him to go back to sleep. He didn’t. Ten minutes later, after hearing more and more talking, I asked him if he’d like to go into the guest bedroom and lay next to me.

I grabbed our pillows, blankets, his Vapor plug-in (he’s had a cold) and staggered into the other bedroom. I plugged in the Vapor thingee, got us situated then laid down next to him.

A few minutes later, I had to pee. When I walked out of the bathroom, I felt an odd sensation in my crotch. And then I realized… I must have gotten some of that menthol oil on my hands. And then I handled toilet paper…. And Oy!

If a girl ever has that “not so fresh feeling”, getting a little menthol oil on your lady parts will make you forget all about that! Seven hours later, the stinging has subsided and I feel as if someone shoved a York Peppermint Patty up my hoo-hoo. Depending upon your opinion of the minty chocolate candy, this can be either a good or bad thing.

(But the added bonus is that today? I didn’t need any caffeine to wake me. I am WIDE awake — apparently a minty fresh hoo-hoo will do that to you.)

Comments

31 Responses to “Don’t try this at home… (No. Really. Don’t.)”

carrie on October 18th, 2006 6:09 pm

Oh. My. God. What the hell do you do for something like that????

Note to self: NEVER forget to wash hands after handling vapor-plug!

Jees, lady!!!!

Carrie

ps. Bet you won’t be ordering a peppermint latte any time soon!
Lisa on October 18th, 2006 6:12 pm

Kinda funny. It wasn’t painful. Just a bit uncomfortable. And now, I feel minty fresh. heehee. But to be honest, I probably wouldn’t recommend. And next time I’ll be SURE to WASH MY HANDS! heehee.

But I thought the people who read this would have some hysterical comments for this post.
Marcus The Dad on October 18th, 2006 6:15 pm

I can now be the envy of all the other guys in the locker room when I boast of my wife’s minty fresh hoo hoo.
Sarah on October 18th, 2006 6:39 pm

Wow. To find horrifying or to find hilarious, that is the question!
Anonymous on October 18th, 2006 6:40 pm

I’m glad that you share ‘what not to do’ for everyone…thank goodness you didn’t rub your eyes!
“York Peppermint Patty up my hoo-hoo” cracks me up and I won’t look at a York Peppermint patty the same ever AGAIN!
HollowSquirrel on October 18th, 2006 6:44 pm

Jeeeez lady! Ya know, I’ve shoved pepperment patties up my ass, but never my hoo-hoo. Must remember to try that…
HollowSquirrel on October 18th, 2006 6:59 pm

And this has prompted me to IMMEDIATELY add you to my blogroll (long overdue)…because people need to know.
reformattingmybrain on October 18th, 2006 8:08 pm

Should I feel bad that I’m laughing my ass off? “Shoved a York Peppermint Patty up my hoo-hoo” OMG - I can’t quit laughing. I have this bad feeling I’m going to be getting strange looks the next time thru the grocery check out line when I bust out laughing after seeing a York Peppermint Patty!
Lisa B on October 18th, 2006 8:58 pm

I’m so glad it’s not just me that does stupid things lke this! I’m reminded of the time I had been chopping chillis to go in the chilli con carne I had been making. I kind of rinsed my hands under the tap but didn’t wash them properly.I then proceeded to put moisturiser on my face. oh the BURN!! And the tears! The chilli was in every pore in my face! So stooooopid! Oh well, this is how you learn eh?!!! xx
Red Rollerskate on October 18th, 2006 9:12 pm

Interesting. Well, can it breathe easier?
sunshine scribe on October 18th, 2006 9:15 pm

Oh. My. God. I just spit a chip at my computer screen when I read about the menthol. Oh no. There are so many jokes but I can’t think of any as I am giggling too hard.

But, really sorry … poor minty you.
dqb&me on October 18th, 2006 9:31 pm

As York claims, “Get the sensation!”
Amber on October 18th, 2006 9:54 pm

Wow. The solution for sleep-deprived moms everywhere….
Anonymous on October 19th, 2006 12:37 am

That is hilarious (to me). I’m sure it wasn’t quite so funny to you, but HA HA HA HA!!! (Sorry.)
Jenny on October 19th, 2006 1:38 am

I’m simultaneously cringing and laughing my ass off!
sweatpantsmom on October 19th, 2006 3:06 am

I am laughing so hard at this (though sorry to benefit from your pain, of course.)

a York Peppermint Patty up my hoo-hoo has got to be my favorite line. Ever.
Jen on October 19th, 2006 3:14 am

I once had a similar experience with an alcohol wipe. Don’t ask. It was one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had, but at least it only lasted a few minutes. I feel like that should be a warning on those things, like they have on Viagra. Instead of “seek a doctor’s attention immediately if erections persist more than 4 hours”, it would have to say “get immediate medical attention if pepermint patty sensation lasts longer in your hoo-hoo than yin your mouth”.
Anonymous on October 19th, 2006 5:29 am

this so cant have been good for the sleep issues!
V on October 19th, 2006 11:38 am

Hmmmm…I could use that idea. I haven’t been sleeping much. Who knew the answer was sitting right next to the cough syrup! Lol!
Reba on October 19th, 2006 12:59 pm

So funny. I could always use some help waking up in the morning, but I think I will stick with a shower and coffee.
Isabel on October 19th, 2006 2:23 pm

Please tell me you are all better now.
Praying for your Prodigal on October 19th, 2006 3:37 pm

ROFL! Not at you…with you–of course! You really outta write a book! These are important things for women around the world to know!

Diane
Praying for your Prodigal on October 19th, 2006 4:13 pm

P.s…..I’m back! You’ve been linked.

Diane
Christina_the_wench on October 19th, 2006 4:57 pm

Another side note…. never buy anti-fungal ointment mistakenly for a yeast infection. *see same results as Vick’s on hoo hoo*
jennster on October 19th, 2006 6:37 pm

LMFAO! that cracks me the hell up… because it didn’t happen to me. lol
Cagey on October 19th, 2006 7:27 pm

Vapor plug? *snort*
Andrea on October 19th, 2006 9:09 pm

Woman, you are too funny. My mom had this foot lotion with menthol in it to rejuvenate tired feet, and my did it work. I never would have suspected that the area of application doesn’t matter so much. Thank you for doing the research for all of us.

Oh the joke in my mind is even too dirty for this post. Let’s just say it has to do with whether or not the lock on your bedroom door was fixed and if Marc is allergic to mint. It’s all about the experimentation. OMG, I can’t believe that’s what popped into my mind. I have to go wash my mind out with (minty) soap.
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) on October 19th, 2006 9:39 pm

that is hysterical! sorry you had to suffer to make us laugh, but we do appreciate it!

this is my first time here. so nice to meet you!
metro mama on October 19th, 2006 11:03 pm

Yikes! I hope hubby made the most of your minty freshness.
Pink on October 22nd, 2007 1:22 am

Super!
I visited your web site.
It is very creative.
Red on October 27th, 2007 2:40 am

Ok! Best regards!
Checking in to see if everybody.