Archive for November, 2006

Sneak preview

This year we (as in “me”) decided to send out photo holiday cards. (I LOVE getting pictures. Every year, each photo received is lovingly arranged then taped on what we call the “Fridge-o-Fame”. So if you send us a photo card? We see you and think of you each day. Hi!)

But anyway… Seth had his “photo session” this past week. He’s an adorable little boy but dog almighty! I lost count of how many times I said things like, “Smile, Seth…. Don’t do that with your eyes. You look like a serial killer when you do that…. Now give me a REAL smile. That’s not a real smile… Chin down sweets. No, not THAT far down….” You get the drift. After awhile I gave up. And out of about 50 pics, this was the best one… So behold! A sneak peak at the smarmy grin at least 75 families will see when they open their cards this year…

We call this one “Seth’s butt roasting on an open fire…”

Bad Bosses Part 2

So I owe you wonderful people a story, don’t I?

Once upon a time there lived a young woman who worked as a newspaper reporter/photographer for a small bi-weekly.

This $5 an hour gig helped her pay for silly things like college tuition, car payments, insurance and gas. She was a busy little lass. You could usually find her either working (30 hours a week for the newspaper), at college (as a full time student), or in her vehicle (there was a 20 minute drive to work and a 50 minute drive to school).

This young lady LOVED her job. But of course, there was a turd in the punchbowl. Actually? There were two nasty, malicious ones. One was her editor, whom we’ll call Adam. And the other happened to be the sports editor — an even more conceited ass her editor blindly idolized.

Shortly after joining the paper, she realized her editor was an arrogant jerk who thought he was God’s gift to the industry.

Soon a pattern emerged — if the editor made a mistake in front of his hero (the sports editor) he’d blame and berate the young girl in front of the sports editor we’ll call “Dick”.

Adam had a “do as I say, not as I do” management style. Although he always stressed the importance of getting the names, towns, and ages of the people photographed, he never did this. More than once, he handed the girl a photo and said, “Find out who these people are. Don’t leave until you’ve identified everyone.” These shenanigans caused much stress for the girl. She also ended up missing several classes due to this behavior.

One day, she came into the paper (before a full day of class) to finish a story. Her editor dropped a photo in front of her insinuating that if she left before identifying the people, she’d be fired. He wouldn’t give any information as to where the photo was taken or why. It took her SEVEN hours to identify the people. She missed an entire day of classes.

Another time, she came in on her day off. She was sick but had scheduled a quick phone interview. The editor, knowing she was sick, sent her off photograph a house fire in 0 degree weather.

When she came back to the office, after two hours of being outside, she felt even worse. She had been wearing dress clothes, dress shoes and couldn’t wear gloves, as that got in the way of focusing the lens. The editor told her to write a general blurb to accompany the photos. Then he asked for another blurb for another photo. Then another.

Finally, he realized that what he needed was a story. But instead of asking the girl to write one, he pieced her blurbs together. When Dick (who at times, served as an editor-at-large) saw the story, he said, “This story stinks like shit” to the girl. Adam then piped in, “Yes, it IS a shit story. What is wrong with you Lisa? You can’t even write a decent story. Its not difficult.”

The girl lost all respect for her editor.

Upon approaching her two-year anniversary with the paper, the editor began making nasty comments. He told her she “had no people skills”. (Although he was banned from the police station and city council meetings because he had upset both groups to the point where they refused to talk to him.)

At that point, the girl was getting accused of and verbally berated for mistakes on a daily basis. She couldn’t eat. She’d cry either on her way to work or on her way home on a daily basis. Started to get ulcers. She knew this wasn’t about her performance. This was about HER. She didn’t understand why, but she knew this couldn’t be ironed out with a talk.

(Coincidentally, she received A’s on the stories she submitted to her professors — people that had worked for dailies in cities like Chicago and Los Angeles.)

The boss finally took a rough draft of one of her stories from the trash. He claimed this draft was what she submitted as a final copy. The girl KNEW this was untrue. He did too. He told her the work wasn’t up to his standards. He insinuated that if she didn’t stop making errors like the ones he “found” then he’d show them to the publisher and general manager who would fire her.

The girl had alot of respect for the publisher and general manager. She knew Adam would completely poison the publisher’s image of her. The stress was mounting. She was missing class at her editor’s whim. She didn’t want to leave but felt it the healthiest decision.

Adam unknowingly did the young girl a favor. She switched career paths and landed a prestigious paid internship in public relations. She went on to work for a big engineering/architectural firm for twice the money she would have been offered had she stayed in newspapers. (She also met, at the A/E firm, the man she’d marry.)

The End

(As with the other story, I could include many more examples of the editor’s toxicity. But in the interest of keeping this short? I won’t.)

All you need is love…


We interrupt the “Bad Boss Stories” to make you aware of this product… (Found this yesterday at The Dollar Store. And no I didn’t buy any.) Who knew “Sweet Love” could conquer that “not so fresh feeling”?

When it came time to name this product, was the marketing team downing shots of rotgut whiskey or were they high on smack? And HOW in the world did they convince someone that “Sweet Love” is a FABULOUS name for a douche?

So… what are YOUR ideas for douche names?

Bad Bosses Part 1

The other day I read Isabel’s post about wearing a skirt to her annual performance evaluation in hopes it would net her a good review. (She was JOKING! Seriously? I bet she kicked some performance review butt!) But just the thought behind it reminded me of a TRUE story I’d like to share…

About 16 years ago, there lived a small-town girl who was just two months away from high school graduation (and many years away from getting a clue).

She had been searching for a permanent part-time job to pay for college and auto expenses. But part-time jobs were few and far between in her wee town. So when a part-time admin position opened up in a neighboring teeny town, she was all, “Woo-hooo!” After a very strange interviewing process, she got the job.

Her boss was creepy. But he was also about 5′3 and probably weighed less than she did so she wasn’t too worried. But unfortunately, the creepy just got creepier.

During the second week, the boss introduced the concept of “miniskirt wages.” If Lisa would wear a miniskirt to work, she’d get an extra 50 cents an hour. She kept wearing pants because, EWWW!

After a few weeks of his constant whining, nagging and pleading, she finally broke down and wore a miniskirt. This made the weird, little man wildly gleeful. He thanked her profusely and then instructed her to wash the bathroom floor. He had no mop, so she had to get down on her hands and knees and scrub. This bothered the girl. Especially because he just stood there watching her. But she was raised in a strict, German Catholic, “YOU WILL OBEY ADULTS NO MATTER WHAT” kind of household. She gritted her teeth and did as she was bid.

Often times, when he’d stand too close or try to whisper something in her ear, she would share outlandish tales with her boss about how she worshipped Satan. Or how her boyfriend was violent and possessive. This was completely absurd (and untrue). But she figured instilling a bit of fear into the tiny man wouldn’t hurt — he was easily frightened.

About a month later, she went with the man to a nearby town in search of a copy machine. While in the store, the boss saw a saleswoman wearing a ribbon in her hair. He asked the young lass, “Why don’t you wear ribbons for me?”

On the way home, the boss pulled into a Wal-Mart. He told the girl he would buy her ribbons that would stay at work so when she came into the office, she could wear ribbons for him. And before she left, she’d have to take them out. It would be their “own little secret.”

That night, she told her parents what had happened. (She didn’t even mention some of the other incidents like how he tried to hold her hand while looking for office equipment or that whenever she’d go to the bathroom, he’d stand by the door and listen to her pee.) They told her she must quit.

The next day she quit. The man pressed her for a reason. She told him her boyfriend was very possessive and wanted to kill him because of the miniskirt wages and the ribbons. Being that the timid, whiney man had seen her strapping boyfriend (who was 6′2 and 180 lbs) once or twice he turned white and dropped the subject. She secretly smiled.

At the end of her two-hour stint that day, he tried to hug her. He took her hand, and like an eager 5-year old said, “I have a present for you.”

He opened his hand to reveal five sweaty M&M’s. With all the self-control she could muster, she thanked him and walked out to her waiting boyfriend. (Who wasn’t psycho, by the way.)

She found out her two-month stint in his employ was a record. No one had worked there as long for obvious reasons.

And that’s the end of this story. Tune in later to hear Bad Bosses Part 2 and 3. (Part 3 is a REAL doozy!)

A photo essay on countertops…

In August, we improved the kitchen. Some lovely people expressed an interest in seeing our changes, so without further ado…

(Top photo) We added a snackbar. We use it quite a bit. The beauty of it is that you can stuff your face while you stare at the tv in the family room. It has completely cut down the spillage and stains on the furniture and our pretty, pretty rug.

(Middle photo) We got a black cast iron sink with new faucet. We lllurve it. The two sinks are much deeper than the old sink — so we can hide more dirty dishes in it. See? There’s a bunch of dirty dishes in it right there but you can hardly tell! (Sqeee!)

(Last photo) We also got a new cooktop range. The old one was a cheap electric one. This one is gas. It is so easy to clean. Every part can easily be taken apart and put in the dishwasher. Cool!

All in all, we likey-likey. The cabinets are white, so the contrast between the navy countertops with black and white specks (and silver sparkly flecks) looks great. (And if you are wondering — it is a man-made granite material.) There’s still some patchwork to be done from when the original counters were ripped out. But hopefully soon…

While it ’twas a good thing overall, it was sort of ouchy-like on our savings account. But we figure we’ll be in the house for quite some time, so we might as well love our living space. And we definitely do!

Growing Pains

Usually when Seth gets a new pair of shoes, I buy another pair in the next larger size. Being that he seems to grow out of shoes and shirts overnight, this tactic has saved us many a time.

He’s got this really cute pair now… But he’s recently found the pair I bought that’s a half-size larger. They are Hotwheels car shoes. And they even light up. (Oh Target, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways!)

So every day he insists that his current shoes are too small and he NEEDS the “car shoes”.

But today, he varied his tactic somewhat. He said, “See mom. I’m growing. I’m getting bigger. Just like your boobs!”

Lunchtime lovin’

My hubby, most of the time, works from his home office — the one that’s in our basement.

But do you know what’s the BEST part of having a hubby work from home when you’re doing the “stay-at-home mom thing”?

Nooners.

That and the fact that if you feel like death warmed over, your hubby can take a quit break to either bring the child to preschool or pick him up. And he can also pick up some lunch while he’s out.

But clearly, the nooners win. Hands down. (No pun intended.)

Sugar, Sugar

Dear Halloween Candy,

I wish I knew how to quit you!

That is all.

Yours, (only because I’m completely addicted),

Lisa (and her ever-growing ass)

Super powers

On Halloween this year, we were graced with not one but TWO superheros within our household…

May I present Superman and Wonderwoman? (Linda Carter? Eat your heart out!)

Hope your Halloween was a happy one!