Midwestern Mommy » Dear Cancer and ALS...

Dear Cancer and ALS…

Posted on January 11, 2007
Filed Under Uncategorized |

I’m going to make this short and blunt. ALS? You’ve been screwing with my dear childhood friend Amy for awhile now. And Cancer? You have gone several rounds with Sharon, a bunko babe from my ‘hood. I’ve also found out, Cancer, that you’re a greedy asshole — you’ve recently come after my cousin Kris FOR THE THIRD TIME. Plus? You’ve decided to pay a “visit” to Marc’s cousin Amanda. Isn’t it bad enough that in the past you’ve also gone after my aunt Theresa and Marc’s cousin Myrtle? (And you’ve taken my Grandpa years ago too?)

Well. FUCK YOU! Just so you both know? These are beautiful, smart, feisty, tough chickies who are going to KICK YOUR ASSES. And there are tons of people who love them all very much who are cheering them on to victory. No one likes either one of you. No one is on your side. You both might THINK you are winning the battle but THESE WOMEN will win the war. Trust me there. I wouldn’t say if I didn’t have complete faith in them.

Why don’t you just do yourselves a favor and get lost? Really. Save yourselves the embarrassment of defeat.

To reiterate, GO AWAY. (And while you’re at it, go fuck yourself.)

Sincerely hating you,

Lisa (aka MM)

Comments

21 Responses to “Dear Cancer and ALS…”

nicole on January 11th, 2007 4:48 am

Amen. Cancer (and ALS) suck. Bah.
SUEB0B on January 11th, 2007 5:08 am

And while we’re at it? MS can FOAD too.
Poopydigs on January 11th, 2007 7:16 am

Poo on cancer and ALS!

Can we add end-stage kidney disease, diabetes, and hypertension? My husband’s evil trio?
5penny on January 11th, 2007 7:27 am

take that! crappy unnecessary diseases. Don’t make MM get all Kung-Fu on your asses!

But seriously, sending all the good energy I can to your family members.
Anonymous on January 11th, 2007 1:32 pm

You said it sister! I have been feeling a little angry myself!
mammacheryl on January 11th, 2007 1:43 pm

If I had balls, cancer and ALS could suck them.
Oh, The Joys on January 11th, 2007 1:59 pm

I have five friends struggling with it too. Five.

Love the letter, so much!
wendy boucher on January 11th, 2007 3:27 pm

No one has ever said it better. Thanks!
mk on January 11th, 2007 3:59 pm

AMEN! Cancer sucks! Fuck you cancer!

Hugs!
HollowSquirrel on January 11th, 2007 6:20 pm

Is this the “Cancer, Go Fuck Yourself” petition? Because seriously, sign me up. ALS? You’re not wanted either.

Hugs to your friends and family…keep on kickin’ ass people!!
Woman with kids on January 11th, 2007 6:36 pm

Ditto. Get lost, Big C.
Sarah on January 11th, 2007 11:15 pm

I’m really sorry to hear about that; I really wish the best for you and yours and I hope that your family and friends enjoy a speedy recovery.
carrie on January 11th, 2007 11:19 pm

I wish we could put a contract out on Cancer and ALS’s heads for the mob to carry out!!

Thinking healing thoughts for your friends and family.

Carrie
Marcus Da Hub on January 11th, 2007 11:44 pm

I would love to see these horrible diseases cured. However, I simply cannot abide those rascally cloners running about and snatching eggs from unsuspecting women.
Lisa on January 12th, 2007 12:21 am

Thanks ya’ll. Will forward your well wishes to these lovely ladies.

And on the hub’s comment, HE’S JOKING. (In case anyone is wondering…)
Too funny sweets.
mamatulip on January 12th, 2007 12:24 am

Yes, fuck you cancer. FUCK YOU.

Your friends and family members are in my thoughts…
Mrs. Chicky on January 12th, 2007 2:19 am

Damn straight! Fuck you, cancer. Fuck off and die, you life sucker.
Heather on January 12th, 2007 2:52 am

Howdy! I am a new blogger (about 2.5 months). I LOVE your blog! I found you through Sam at Mommy Needsa Mai Tai. You are too hilarious! I really dug the link to the little German sex ed book. I used to live in St. Louis (Hazelwood and Florissant) when I was little. I’m rambling, but I just wanted to leave you a comment and telly ou how much I have enjoyed your site and your design is beautiful! I’m a new fan. I’ll be praying for your friends.
Stephanie A. on January 12th, 2007 3:42 am

Bravo! My poor grandpa is going through bladder cancer right now and I’d love to watch cancer fuck itself silly instead of watch my grandpa turn into an even older, sicker man.
Tanner on January 15th, 2007 5:56 pm

I second that!

For my Grandmother and my Mother in law.
LiveLee on January 15th, 2007 10:30 pm

you tell ‘em!

my aunt just started her first round of chemo on dec.26th…she’ll be kickin’ some cancer ass herself!

~L