Midwestern Mommy

There’s a person in my life that’s hurt me often throughout the years. But I know now the pain inflicted? Was a product of stress, exhaustion, loneliness and utter frustration. We’re all human. No one is perfect. Sometimes you inadvertently hurt or disappoint someone you love. And sometimes they are the one to hurt or disappoint you.

This person has had far more of a positive influence in my life than negative. I love them dearly. You know that phrase about not judging someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes? As I gain life experience, I understand this person more and more. But now I realize I’ve only walked about a quarter-mile in this person’s shoes. This person has endured far more hardships than I have and probably ever will. So while it would be easy to judge them harshly, I know for a fact that my life has been pretty comfortable compared to theirs.

But anyway… I have held onto the pain this person has unknowingly (and sometimes knowingly) inflicted.

A big part of the reason I do hold on to the hurt is that, in my mind? The perpetrator doesn’t seem to realize how much they’ve injured me. A slight scratch? No biggie. But if you’ve wounded me to my very core? Yeah, that’s something I don’t forget. I feel vindicated and validated in holding onto those emotions. I feel resentful. Try as I might, I can’t seem to let “it” go. I think a subconscious part of me doesn’t WANT to. If I’m honest with myself, I’d begrudgingly admit that cleaving onto past injuries makes me feel morally superior to that person — especially since they’ve judged me in the past and let it be known that I failed to live up to their expectations.

So today when talking to this person on the phone, this person expressed some regret over some previous incidents. This person isn’t one to dwell on the past. But today, I could tell by the tone of voice, this person has anguished over the many years of hurt they’ve caused. And this person has been beating themselves up for far longer than they’ve let on.

This makes my heart ache. This person is kind, generous, loving and compassionate. And this person is someone I have a tremendous amount of respect for.

So I called them up again — when I knew they weren’t home. I left a message on their machine asking them to forgive themselves. I asked them to not look back on our past relationship with pain or regret. Mistakes were made on both parts. I just want them to be happy. I told them I left a message on purpose — if they need to listen to it 600 times, they can. They need to let go of the pain of regret. They need to stop beating themselves up. We are human. We are imperfect. Mistakes happen. It’s what you learn as a result that counts.

I have acted as if I have forgiven this person. But in reality a piece of my heart has always held onto that hurt and pain. I think this person has sensed this and hasn’t forgiven themselves as a result. So today? I am letting it go. I WILL let it go.

I’m not writing this to say, “I’m a saint — I let this go.” Ha! Far from it. I’m ashamed I’ve held this grudge for so long. Pressing the “publish” button is my way of “letting go” — of letting it fly away. Plus, if I feel tempted to grab onto some of that resentment toward this person in the future? (After all, righteous indignation HAS been my constant companion all these years.) This is my “reminder”. This is my pledge.

On Monday, Seth and I met up with blog bud Kristie, aka Slackermommy and her brood. Why yes! She and her family ARE as cool as her blog. And fun too!

Through some conversations a few months ago, we learned we live a mere 10 minutes from each other. How weird is that? So when the kids didn’t have school on Monday, she was kind enough to invite Seth and I ovah to her very pretty house.

Her son Conner is about seven months older than Seth. They hit it off within five minutes of us walking through the door. We also got to meet her beautiful daughters, Madeline, Isabella, and the baby Marigrace. (Much to my chagrin, Seth decided that was a PERFECT day to go commando. So being that he doesn’t have enough butt to keep his pants up, almost everyone in her family got at least one eyeful of Seth’s butt crack. Sigh.) As for us mommies? I’m pretty sure there was not even two consecutive seconds of silence. Yeah, we did alot of gabbing.

There are many, many times throughout a child’s life a parent laments, “I wish someone would create an ‘owners manual’ for these little people.” Well, fear not — Pediatrician Jennifer Trachtenberg has.

“Good Kids, Bad Habits: The Real Age Guide to Raising Healthy Children“ covers it all — from stressing the benefits of healthy eating, good hygiene and lots of exercise to the virtues of establishing effective homework habits and safety-proofing your home.

The premise of the book? To raise children with healthy habits so they grow into ADULTS with established, healthy habits. The book begins with a test to gauge your child’s activity level, social/emotional health and eating as well as safety habits. Soon after, Trachtenberg introduces the 4 I’s — Identify, Inform, Instruct, and Instill.

For me, much of the information covered was no huge surprise. But, it did serve as a great reminder in areas where I need to do some fine-tuning. The book offers information on/tips for children in every age range, so it was insightful to learn exactly how some needs change with age.

What I liked:

Jennifer’s writing style is matter-of-fact and the overall tone is warm. The font-size is easy on the eyes, and vocabulary simple, making for a fast read. I also like that you could stop in the middle of a page, attend to a child or answer the phone, then easily pick up where you left off.

There are tons of tips scattered throughout the book. The author uses a lot of common sense and practical solutions when dealing with age-old parenting dilemmas. (A germ-containing strategy she shared that I found valuable is to teach your children to cough into a tissue or the crook of their elbow –NOT THEIR HANDS — to minimize the risk. This is very important to me since one of Seth’s teachers has cancer and is undergoing chemo treatments.)

The “five second rule” is an often debated subject at our house. (My hubby being for, me being against.) I highlighted a few topics, like this one, so the next time my hubby rolls his eyes and insinuates I’m a paranoid, worry-wart, I have the good doctor’s advice on my side.

Trachtenberg also reminds us that we, as parents, don’t have to make EVERY change she proposes. She recommends small changes and encourages a parent to keep improving — small changes add up to big benefits for your child’s health.

I particularly liked the section about building a child’s self-esteem. She reminds parents how crucial our support and encouragement is in nurturing a child’s interests. She also reminds us that children aren’t born knowing how to make friends. (I was very happy to see this — many parents forget making friends is a skill that needs to be learned and practiced.) Then, she presents a few ideas on how to help children socialize and how to choose healthy friendships.

What I didn’t like:

Sometimes the advice is so basic it may offend. An example: “When you begin noticing that your son or daughter has a different sort of odor after returning from soccer practice, it is time to introduce deodorant.” (This may sound condescending to a reader. I assume she intents to educate as broad an audience as possible — including people with little education and those who might not be aware of mainstream American hygienic practices.)

While the author did mention a host of the health problems children can have such as ADHD, Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, childhood cancer, Depression and Eczema, I would like to have seen a few paragraphs on Sensory Integration Dysfunction — a diagnosed condition that’s increasingly common but unfortunately not widely publicized.

The book is PERFECT for:

This book best benefits people who are new to parenthood and don’t have time (or don’t want) to read a plethora of childcare books. This book (especially the chapter on safety, since guidelines have changed much over the years) would serve as a great refresher for new grandparents or others who aren’t in the practice of addressing childcare needs.

This review was written for The Parent Bloggers Network. If you have a product you’d like PBN to review, click on this link for more info.

Fergie watch out. There’s a new bitch in town. She’s hot, has never had a meth addiction and? She has a song of her own… But just a little FYI to you squirrels and bunnies out there. Watch your back cause this ‘ho can eff you up! I’m talking ’bout the one and only Abbeydog, aka “Doodles”, or “Abbalicous“. So without further ado…

Listen up ya’ll, Cuz this is it
The beat that I’m barking is not vicious [Abbey]
Abbalicious definition make them boy dogs go loco
They want my treasure so they get their kicks from sniffin’ my butthole
You can lick me, you can sniff me
But I ain’t easy, I ain’t sleazy
I got reasons why I tease ‘em
Boy dogs in heat and for no reason
[Hook] Abbalicious (so delicious)
But I ain’t promiscuous
I’ll be your friend if ya got biscuits.
My spots are real and not fictitious
Where’s my treats? (mmmwwahhh)
I might sniff your crotch, crotch
Give me a bellyrub, I’ll show you what I got

[Chorus] So delicious (It’s hot, hot)
Doodle-icious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna sniff of what I got)
I’m Abbalicious (Got black spots on my tongue check, it, check it out)

A few weeks ago in the car on the way to visit my parents:

Seth: Mommy, why do seals eat penguins?
Me: Because I imagine those seals find ‘em mihhh-tee tastey.

Later on that same day (in the car on the way back from visiting my parents):

Marc: Uh oh. There’s some wierd light on the dashboard.
Lisa: Well, I hope we don’t breakdown here. My cell phone is dead.
Marc: If we broke down, looks like we’d have to walk.
Seth: We’re gonna walk home?
Marc: No you get to stay here alone in the car. You’d only slow us down.
Seth: (Starts to panic and freak out) Noooooo!
Lisa: Bunny. Daddy is just KIDDING. We love you. We’d never leave you behind anywhere.
Marc: (Mumbles under his breath.) But we’d seriously consider it.
Lisa: (Mumbles under her breath.) Ain’t THAT the truth?

If you give a kid a snowday… And the daddy has already been out of town for several days…. And won’t be coming home for another 48 hours (if you’re lucky)… And the mommy has a sinus infection…. And hasn’t gotten much sleep in several days…. And the child no longer naps… And the mommy hasn’t had five freaking minutes to herself all day… And the boy feels compelled to scratch at the bathroom door and whine EVERY time she’s trying to pee… And then the mommy calls the daddy because she’s tired and wants to connect with another adult… And the daddy isn’t listening, nor talking but just sitting there in silence saying his brain is fried then blows her off… And the mommy looks around realizing that there’s still THREE MORE HOURS BEFORE SHE CAN PUT THE BOY TO BED…. And why is this kid constantly trying to argue with her in EVERY exchange she has with him… And when she finally does put the boy to bed, he whines, fusses, and gets out of bed needing bathroom breaks and various stuffed animals, and voicing “requests” on behalf of the dog… And then when she’s thinking she can finally go to bed, she finds the boy peed on the bathroom floor and rubbed yogurt drink all over the countertop and the back of a couch… And she has to clean this up.

When all that happens, you end up with a mom who’s feels (and looks) beat down. A mom who’s eaten eight pounds of candy… Just to keep her awake and to keep from flying into a homicidal rage… A mom who’s THISFREAKINGCLOSE to buying a damn plane ticket and showing up at her hubby’s client’s company then depositing boy on the steps screaming, “YOU. TAKE HIM. I’M DONE!” And then running away from home to never, ever return. Well… maybe but only for that cute, new pair of shoes she’s recently gotten.

I now can understand why certain breeds of spiders kill their mates after sex. Who needs the aggravation? Especially if you’re going to be left alone to raise the little critters all by yourself anyway? But I can understand even more clearly why some animals eat their young….

(I know, I’m whining… I have it pretty easy. And I also know, many of you have days like these. But what I want to know is HOW did you not tie your own tubes with a steak knife?)

A certain neighborhood dog I call “Sneakashit” (or “sneaks” for short) runs loose in our ‘hood on a regular basis. “Sneaks” often tries to get into our house whenever we open the door (to let our own dog out to pee). “Sneaks” poops alot. And when she does so, prefers our yard and has shit not only in our house but several times in our garage. (Guess why I’m so anal about keeping the garage door closed!) Since she’s been hanging around our house most of Sunday and Monday, I decided to clean out the fridge.

And what to my wandering eyes should appear but some canned chili, refried beans, and chopped raw onion. So thanks to “Sneaks”, who was more than happy to eat up the leftovers, our fridge is a bit cleaner. But “Sneak’s” owner’s house? May be a bit stinkier….

And that’s completely ok with me. Recently these people showed up in our backyard, unwelcomed and guilted my hubby into inviting their child over for a playdate. Then, they LEFT FOR SEVERAL HOURS without telling us. When they showed up to claim the child (A SIX HOUR PLAYDATE!) they offered the lamest of excuses. They HAD to see a certain movie. And they told their oldest child — THE ONE WITH A DRUG PROBLEM — to watch said child. He didn’t. He left. Which would explain why, when we tried to called over there, no one answered.

Sadly the aforementioned instance is just one of many, many stories I could tell you regarding this certain family. Why yes, I AM resentful of the way they have repeatedly taken advantage of our kindness without so much as a “thank you.” I’m also resentful of how now that we aren’t so willing to help them out they force themselves upon us anyway. So while I’m not proud to admit my passive aggressive tendencies, I do have to say, thinking about the stink that “Sneaks” has unleashed in their house on a night far too cold to open the windows? DOES make my day a little brighter.

Several weeks ago, Seth and I celebrated the unseasonably warm weather by playing in the backyard.

At one point, the dog went into “Crazy Abbey” mode — running around the yard in large circles, until she found what is in this photo. Can you guess what it is? Anyone? That’s right, a deer torso.

There are alot of coyotes and assorted wildlife near our ‘hood. I’ve always heard coyotes are lilly-livered scavengers. So when I’d walk with Abbey at night, I didn’t worry. But apparently if they are hungry enough, they get pretty brave. And this makes me a little nervous now. Cause if they saw me? They’d know a pack of 20 could feast on my butt for a full MONTH. And in cold weather? They wouldn’t even need a fridge.

The bright side? (Click on the pic for a more detailed look.) See how cleanly they picked the bones? Methinks the critters that ate this deer also have a mother who told them about all of the poor starving coyotes in India that don’t have any food to eat. And when that didn’t work, she lost her temper and threatened them with extra chores… Or an early bedtime… Looks like the latter tactic works as well with four-legged critters as it does with human ones.

I was talking to a mom at Seth’s preschool today who gets migraines too. She said hers is related to her sinuses. I felt like the clouds parted and a choir of angles was singing, “Ahhhh-mennnn” because for quite some time I’d insist to my neurologist that my migraine dramas were sinus-related. The good doctor would look at me like I was a moron and tell me there was no connection between the two. Then he’d prescribe some anti-seizure, beta blocker, antidepressant, or anti-anxiety med that would render me dazed and confused (ok, more so than normal) and I’d STILL get a bunch of migraines.

She went on to tell me she’s had some sort of surgery to “roto-root” her sinuses. (The fact that she used the words “roto-root” made me adore her ever the more.) She said they made her migraines a bit better. I’m going to try to get her doctor’s name at some point here and look into that. Cause these days I’m up several times a night just because there’s so much pain and pressure in my face that if I don’t take more Benadryl and ibuprofen I wake up with the monster migraine from hell…

Course my guess is that the only thing our insurance will cover is someone sticking two little firecrackers up my nose and lighting the end… But at this point? I’m thinking that’s not such a bad idea. My ears ring constantly now anyway…

P.S if you have any advice with this sinus stuff, PLEASE let me know!

Haikus

Oh little boy Seth
Your toys litter various rooms.
PLEASE, please pick them up.

Black, white and spotted
Abbeydog, get OFF the bed.
And please barf outside.

My dear Honeybuns
I love you so much more when –
you aren’t so gassy.

Oh lovely Dyson
A quite talented vaccum –
well worth the money.

Cool bloggin’ mommies
Reading your posts keep me sane.
I love all of you.