Midwestern Mommy

Most people who read this blog, at some point, have caught a post where I whine and moan about my sleep issues and the resulting migraines.

Typically, I slog through the day with a mind that feels as fuzzy as a mohair sweater. But when 9 p.m. comes around, I have enough energy to run a marathon.

I’ve researched this topic many a time. I’ve even been to a sleep doctor who got testy when I told him I’d rather not go on various prescription sleep medicines. So when an opportunity to review “Good Night” came up, I was jumping for joy — with visions of being alert and energetic dancing in my head. I was hoping Dr. Michael Breus, Ph.D. – the superhero of sleep — would be the answer to my prayers.

What I liked:
Dr. Breus has a very approachable and friendly writing style. He goes into great detail as to WHY sleep is important and HOW it can help you look younger, lose weight, give you energy and avoid future health problems. And when it comes down to the business of improving the quality of your sleep? He offers practical solutions – even mentioning products you may not have known existed to assist in your endeavor. But he also emphasizes in the beginning that if you want to succeed? You must commit and make the quest for a good night’s sleep a priority. But as you advance in your reading, you can put various tips you pick up into practice. A better night’s sleep? Is merely a flip of a page away.

I found the “Sleep Hygiene” information very insightful. The doctor gives some great advice on how to transform your bedroom into a heaven – a place you associate relaxation and sleep. While I know we need our bedroom to be dark and quiet to ensure the best sleep, I never thought about how temperatures, smells or general clutter could affect my rest. Once I followed his “bedroom makeover” tips, I did feel more at ease in our sleeping space. After I bought new pillows (based on his recommendations), and an air purifier, I noticed even my husband (a man who rarely has sleep issues) was sleeping better.

Dr. Breus also talks about the people who “steal” your sleep. My husband? Champion sleep stealer. For years, I’ve thought the only way I’d ever get a good night’s sleep on a consistent basis would be if I: a.) died or b.) divorced him. And like many couples, we’ve tried separate bedrooms but stopped after feeling the intimacy in our relationship wane. “Good Night” offers some wonderful ideas on how to deal with these kind of spouses. For example, I had no clue there are alarm clocks out there that vibrate to wake someone – no more awful screeching sound at 5 a.m. (Which is great when you can’t seem to fall asleep until 2 a.m.) And sound machines to drown out extreme snoring? Best. Invention. Ever.

There’s even tips on how to deal with those little slumber-swiping critters we call children!

I also found the “smart napping techniques” extremely useful as well as information on exercise times based on whether a person is a “morning person” or a “night owl.” He even discusses the best foods to eat, the best times for sex and has a plethora of relaxation methods to employ to gain a restorative night’s sleep.

Also, according to the good doctor, you don’t have to give up caffeine or alcohol. He gives some very smart advice on how to balance your “love” of both and STILL get a good night’s rest.

What I didn’t like:
I tried to keep a journal to figure out how many hours of sleep I need in order to feel “well rested.” I found this difficult. What do you do when you typically wake up each morning with an achy noggin due to sinus problems or migraines? How do you calculate your sleep when you’ve got a child who’s now in bed with you because he’s had a bad dream and repeatedly kicks you in the face throughout a night? What about those times when you’ve been up so many times you’ve lost count?

This book is PERFECT for:
There are many who will benefit from this book — mainly anyone who’s tired on a regular basis. Even people who sleep well at home but not on the road can use the travel sleep tips listed. I’ve mentioned this book to several women I know who have sleep issues. I’ve got three people who are dying to get their hot little hands on my copy of this book.

But if you can’t get the book just yet, the doctor has two great websites: http://www.yourbeautysleep.com/ and http://www.theinsomniablog.com/.

In short? The book offers a plethora of solid advice. I started reading the book at the beginning of what ended up being a long period of stress and upheaval within my family. (Illnesses, a time change, many migraines, a family vacation, husband’s travel, back problems, and our son’s trip to the emergency room.) So it was difficult to be consistent to the sleep boot camp schedule. But I still got a lot out of the program. And for the record? I plan to return to the boot camp schedule in a few days.

This review was written for The Parent Bloggers Network. If you have a product you’d like PBN to review, click on this link for more info.

Saw a quote the other day that made me laugh…

“Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth.”

Genius.

(I have no idea who said this.)

P.S. THANK YOU for your comments regarding Seth’s eardrum. It is so comforting to find this is fairly common and that usually there’s no hearing loss. He’s on the mend and trying to “milk” the situation for all its worth — asking for ice cream, cookies, and milkshakes. So in other words, he’s pretty much back to normal.

There’s probably a way to put an entertaining spin on this post but right now? I’m too freaked out and worried about my little guy… SO I’ll just tell ya’ll the story…

On Saturday we drove to Chicago for a quick spring break vaca. Saturday was fun. We were off to a great start.

On Sunday morning Seth said his ear hurt. I got some children’s Motrin from the in-store hotel and gave him a bit. In a few minutes, he was feeling fine. Marc and Seth then left to have some guy time and take in the Chicago skyline from the top of the John Hancock Building. Later on in the afternoon, Seth started whining about his ear again. Plus? His head ached. We assumed he was just very tired from the activity and sensory overload. More Motrin was administered. We cancelled the evening plans and hung out in our hotel room.

On Monday morning at 2 a.m. Seth woke up screaming and crying. He kept saying his ear hurt. More Motrin was given. He kept wailing. I brought him into our bed (he was on the hideaway bed) thinking that might comfort him. I rubbed his back and even rubbed his cheek near his ear for quite some time. Marc and I were exhausted. We kept trying to calm him. It wasn’t working. I thought, “this must be a bad ear infection.” More Motrin was given. He finally stopped crying around 4 a.m. and fell asleep.

This morning, I woke up to see big drops of blood all over the pillow he was using as well as the sheets and the shoulder of his pj’s. As I was checking his ear, he awoke. I had him sit up and dabbed at the bloody ear with a tissue. A sick, faint feeling coursed through my veins. I thought, “Did he rupture his ear drum?”

Then, I sat next to him and whispered in his right ear, “Can you hear this” a few times.

He said he “sort of could.” By this point, I started cleaning him up and getting him changed. Marc was at the hotel gym but he’d be back soon. And we’d have to take him to the doctor. We offered him food, which he heartily ate (we figured this was a good sign) and gave him more Motrin. At this point, I wondered if a tick had gotten into his ear last week during a hike and had perhaps exploded.

We headed to Northwestern’s Emergency Room. Seth was very brave through the ordeal. Three doctors examined his ear. The “alpha doc” told us Seth had a small rupture in his ear drum. They think he had some fluid in his ear prior to the trip. And getting on an elevator that rapidly whisks people almost 100 stories into the sky? Probably caused the intense pressure.

I asked if he’d be in any more pain. They told us the pressure was so painful that once the ear drum ruptured, he probably felt relief. He probably wouldn’t have anymore pain.

They gave us scripts for antibiotics and told us to inform our pediatrician. Seth will also need to see a specialist. If the rupture doesn’t heal, he may need a cartilage graft. I asked if there will be any hearing loss. They basically said they didn’t know but since the hole was small, odds are good that any hearing loss won’t be major.

The bright spot through this ordeal was watching Seth calmly interact with the doctors. At one point one asked him, “Did you stick one of your toys in your ear?”

He looked at the doctor as if he had three heads then replied, “Why would I want to put my cars in my ear? I wouldn’t do THAT. Actually, they’re too big. They wouldn’t fit!”

Now? We’re back at home. Seth has gotten his antibiotics. He’s got a belly full of hamburgers, french fries and chocolate custard from Culver’s. He’s probably dreaming of Monster Trucks, Lionfish, and his upcoming birthday. This was to be a crazy week to begin with but now? Its really going to get chaotic. So pretty, pretty, pretty please? Bare with me. If I don’t get to your blog this week, its not that I’m blowing you off. Its just going to be one of those so crazy busy weeks. But as of April 2? I expect things will be back on track.

Some households go through milk like crazy. Some households go through an amazing amount of bread or pancake mix or paper towels or fruit. Heck, many households go through vast quanities of all of these things.

But not us. We go through massive amounts of toilet paper. And cheese.

I really don’t understand. If cheese is so constipating, then why am I always buying toilet paper?

I guess this just means we’re a cheezy family that’s full of shit. Course this is no surprise to anyone who knows us.

She has a golden mane. Her blue eyes sparkle mischievously whenever she’s about deliver a witty remark. She is an amazing story teller. She can make a person laugh so hard, she reduces them to tears. She’s a great writer as well and her heart? HUGE. She’s a gentle yet strong soul. She’s kind, beautiful, charismatic, and elegant.

She is also a very private person. And these days she keeps to herself. She doesn’t leave the house much anymore. She has to conserve her energy. She has ALS.

Sometimes Real Moms get anguishing news. Sometimes they have to face a harsh reality that the rest of us can only imagine. Sometimes a Real Mom’s body becomes sick. And when that happens, a Real Mom tries to do her best to fight the enemy – for her family, friends and for herself. Sometimes she has to fight, fight, and fight some more. And when these Real Moms get tired? They need someone to cheer them on. And they need us do what we can to battle the enemy as well.

Amy, I’m one of many cheering for you. You are one of my oldest and dearest friends. (Some of my earliest childhood memories are of visits with you and your siblings.) You are never far from my thoughts and prayers. I hope this year brings you renewed strength, limitless energy and lots of good news. I hope you open a can o’ whoop-ass on that nasty bastard. Because if there’s anyone on this earth that can do it? Its you.

Happy Birthday lovely friend.

P.S. To help researchers kick some ALS butt, click here.

And for more Real Mom essays click here.

This past Monday “the boy” was not feeling good. He slept alot. This wasn’t a bad thing — I had a migraine anyway. But that night around 1 a.m. ish? A completely different story — at least for Seth. He was up at least six times from 1 to 4 a.m. (In my sleepy haze I forgot exactly how many times. But I do know it was at least six.)

There were two requests for food, one question asked, a request on the dog’s behalf and, at one point, he wanted to discuss a dream he had– FROM LAST WEEK. I got out of my snuggly bed each time to step, fetch and tuck him back into bed. I forgot what he wanted the sixth time. But it was basically to socialize. At that point? No more Mrs. Nice Mom. I was tired, migraine-y and fed up. I told him, “For the love of all things holy, just GO TO SLEEP OR I WILL GET VERY ANGRY!” (I may or may not have yelled that last part.)

But Tuesday morning has been rough. And him jumping on the bed to wake me up? I may or may not have yelled at him again. But that’s the thing. Sleep deprivation does horrible things to a mom. The otherwise sunny and patient disposition is the first thing to go. The mom may LOOK normal on the outside, but inside? She’s turned into an angry, angry bear. And there really should be signs we can wear that say, “DON’T POKE THE BEAR! BACK AWAY FROM THE BEAR — JUST LET HER BE!”

(That’s without make-up, teeth brushed, face washed and in jammies – I know! Scarey!)

To see more REAL MOM truths, go here!

You’re probably wondering what that is next to the ruler. Well its something called Blood Sausage. (This one is frozen, which explains why its partially white.)

This is the #1 reason as to why I think “the boy” may grow up to become a plumber. Yes, we need to have that “just say ‘no’ to crack” talk.

He was hard at work playing with his Hotwheels and Matchbox cars. Hey, arranging them EXACTLY the way you want them? Is some VERY serious business.

I don’t think he even noticed the draft.

Sometimes thinking can be good. Personally, its kind of nice to dust off the old thinking cap and put it on from time to time — even if I have to spend a few days looking for it, only to find it under the couch acting as a dust bunny hostel.

Andrea recently awarded me a Thinking Blogger. She said to “pay it forward.” And being that Andrea is a most wonderful chickie, I must oblige.

So I’d like to award Michelle at Scribbit. This woman is a dynamo. Always active, her energy shines through. She’s always got some really cool tips, kid-friendly activities and recipes. She does the thinking FOR me. How does she find the energy to think with four children? I don’t know but I greatly admire her for it.

Also, I want to award Pendullum. She can take a moment in time, freeze it, and verbally paint a picture so vivid and beautiful. (You’ve got to do ALOT of thinking to pull off that kind of magic.) Reading each entry is like eating a rare truffle — so decadent. You just stop to slowly savor every word she’s carefully chosen.

Oh and there’s a fun, sassy, and uber hip chick named Kristin. Her effervescence and spirit shine through in her writing. And she’s a philosophical soul too. Her most recent post made me stand up and do a happy dance for her. Oh and I clapped too. (Yes, really!)

Congrats ladies. What? Oh you want a prize? Um. Yeah. Ok. Hey, look over there! (Points to the left then runs away.) For some reason Blogger won’t let me post a graphic, so I’ll have to e-mail you something. K?

Yesterday morning, for the first time, Seth said those three little words every child says to a parent at one time or another.

“I HATE YOU.”

Frankly, I’m surprised it took him this long… He must be a late bloomer.

P.S. Little Miss Sassy (aka) Linlee has a birthday today. Go over there and wish her a Happy Day!

At the Midwestern Mommy abode, we employ little phrases other people probably wouldn’t. (Mainly because ya’ll are so much classier and wittier than we are!)

For example, “Let sleeping buns lie.” That means “let the boy (aka “The bun” from his “little boy” days) sleep for as long as he’ll sleep. Mainly because WE need the rest.

Another one is “I’m gonna go and beat the dog.” This doesn’t mean “physically abuse the dog.” (We LOVE dogs.***) To us, the phrase means “get some exercise”. We both have a really dry sense of humor. And we used to joke about giving our dog a “daily beating” to keep her in line. Then we started to joke about how beating her would be our only source of exercise… Ok. That sounds really horrible. We don’t beat Abbey! Honest! The only painful experience for our pampered pup is having to deal with “the boy.” Trust me, somedays? That’s far, far worse.

So I’m dying to know… What are the phrases people say in YOUR households? And what do they mean? Or even phrases between you and your friends?

***Yes, we even love “Sneakashit“ the dog next door. Although we’re not thrilled with her owners, who shall henceforth be referred to as “the white trash wonders” (or WTW for short.)

When you find a mess in your backyard.And then you realize upon further inspection that “Sneakashit“ (the neighbor’s dog) ripped open a bag of “something” and spread it all over YOUR yard…

And guess what that “something” is? Maxi pads. USED Maxi pads.

THAT! AREN’T! MINE!

I’m going to give that fucking dog TWO cans of chili if she comes to our house tonight! (Her owners let her run lose constantly.) I might have to find something so spicy that dog will shit fire.

Now I have to go outside and clean it up. I’m pretty sure this is the mess of the moronic, useless, and negligent white trash neighbors (aka “Sneakashit’s” family) — the ones EVERYONE in our ‘hood loathes. Oh and guess what? Once the “mom” (I use that term loosely) gave me a 20-minute monologue on her heavy periods. Well, now I have “proof” via soiled industrial-strength maxi pads. For once she wasn’t lying.

Updated: The mess is cleaned up. Apparently when people poop at their house, they feel it is VERY WRONG to flush the toilet paper. So guess where it WAS? Yes. All over my backyard. So very UN-AWESOME.

My husband has often jokingly advocated shooting the dog in the butt with a soft air pistol. Tonight he said, “I know that dog is one of God’s creatures but even God’s creatures sometime need a shot in the ass.”

I can’t do that! Besides, I’m a lousy shot. But right now? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted.
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But do you know what definitely IS awesome? All of the comments from you guys for the post on the diet pill drama. Heartfelt, compassionate and kind. THANK YOU SO MUCH. And THANK YOU to a those who shared their stories of how they were risking their health to stay thin too. After some requests I plan keep the post. (But it has been tinkered with a bit.)