Midwestern Mommy » Do you ever "beat your dog"?

Do you ever "beat your dog"?

Posted on March 8, 2007
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At the Midwestern Mommy abode, we employ little phrases other people probably wouldn’t. (Mainly because ya’ll are so much classier and wittier than we are!)

For example, “Let sleeping buns lie.” That means “let the boy (aka “The bun” from his “little boy” days) sleep for as long as he’ll sleep. Mainly because WE need the rest.

Another one is “I’m gonna go and beat the dog.” This doesn’t mean “physically abuse the dog.” (We LOVE dogs.***) To us, the phrase means “get some exercise”. We both have a really dry sense of humor. And we used to joke about giving our dog a “daily beating” to keep her in line. Then we started to joke about how beating her would be our only source of exercise… Ok. That sounds really horrible. We don’t beat Abbey! Honest! The only painful experience for our pampered pup is having to deal with “the boy.” Trust me, somedays? That’s far, far worse.

So I’m dying to know… What are the phrases people say in YOUR households? And what do they mean? Or even phrases between you and your friends?

***Yes, we even love “Sneakashit“ the dog next door. Although we’re not thrilled with her owners, who shall henceforth be referred to as “the white trash wonders” (or WTW for short.)

Comments

23 Responses to “Do you ever "beat your dog"?”

Brown Eyed Girl on March 8th, 2007 3:02 pm

Absitively.

As in absolutely combined with positively….see I was getting real tired of the pre-teen “WHATEVER” comments and so when my husband I were being all sarcastic with each other we’d roll are eyes and he’d ask me something and I’d say “Absolutely. Positively” like my son would utter “Whatever” to me.

So now…when we’re being smartasses it’s a joke amongst ourselves…I’ll say “Absitively”.

My husband has a bunch of weird sayings but for the life of me right now I can’t think of them.
Christina_the_wench on March 8th, 2007 3:04 pm

We call our yuppy neighbors Bert and Ernie. They dress alike, they build the same deck, they put their garbage out at the same time, etc..
Oh, and one is the father of ‘trashy daughter’ who is presently knocked up after spending endless nights out until 4 in the morning. Who knew that could happen?
Heather on March 8th, 2007 3:16 pm

I WISH you lived next ddor to me! We would have a grand ol’ time!

To answer the question, there was a commercial for Quiznos subs that had a baby talking on it. At the end, he would say, “Sayonara”. When Steven first saw it, he was about 3 and he said, “Sayonara? That’s disgusting!”
“That’s disgusting” became a popular phrase around here just to get a laugh.
Alissa on March 8th, 2007 4:42 pm

I call my husband Fred, even though his name is Andy. To be perfectly honest, I don’t remember why. But it’s been that way for as long as I remember.

“Should’ve sneezed”. When the boys were babies, a fake sneeze would get a laugh out of them every time. DH is a big prankster/jokester, but sometimes he’s just not funny. If he’s tried real hard to be funny and it’s just not working, I’ll say “should’ve sneezed”. Sometimes even the boys will say it if one of us is trying to be funny.
metro mama on March 8th, 2007 5:17 pm

At work I used to “f*ck the dog”, meaning goof off.
Undercover Angel on March 8th, 2007 6:00 pm

Phrases we use:

1. Just like Metro Mama we say f*ck the dog - for goofing off or being lazy.

2. Crookeder than a dogs hind leg - for a person who is crooked.

3. Haven’t seen you in a coon’s age - when we haven’t seen someone for a while.

4. Cold enough to freeze the nuts off a brass monkey - when it’s really cold outside.

5. Bright eyed and bushy tailed - for when we are wide awake.

6. The next time we take you out, we’re going to leave you home - when the kids misbehave while we’re out.

I could go on and on….
Mamma on March 8th, 2007 6:35 pm

As a nod to something we LOVE (okay I guess my husband thinks I say that too much) we give a nod to the movie “Heathers.” You know the jock funeral scene?

If I say, “I LOVE my new shoes!” My husband follows it up with “I love my dead gay shoes.”

Guess you have to know the movie line.
Oh, The Joys on March 8th, 2007 7:07 pm

An experience or outing that you were really looking forward to, but turns out to be a disapointment is called a “Lava Tube” - because when we went to visit the lava tubes at Mt. St. Helen’s we drove a long way out of our way and it just wasn’t that interesting.
Andrea on March 8th, 2007 8:24 pm

So YOU’RE the one who taught Gabe to fear me beating “the hell” out of him! I BLAME YOU!

No funny phrases. Not really.

P.S. I awarded you a Thinking Blogger award. I think you think very much and think you should get an award for it. Because you make me think, too. I don’t have the source code, but I just saved the graphic (which can be found on my site) as a picture and uploaded it that way. Pay it forward!
Operation Pink Herring on March 8th, 2007 9:46 pm

Joel says “Whatever! I’ll do what I want!” in the voice of Cartman from South Park when I’m getting indignant about having to do something. It’s from from a random episode where Cartman was on Ricki Lake, and that phrase was the only thing he said the whole episode.

Every time he says that, it makes me laugh and I have to stop being such a whiny brat.

“I’m gonna run for it!” code for someone doing something incredibly stupid, from a Carlos Mencia skit where he made fun of people who try to outrun the cops. Because who ever actually OUTRAN the cops?

“Rude” — we just say that about anything we don’t like. I don’t know why it’s so funny to us, but it is.

“Max has a question for you” is what we say anytime the cats are being crazy, derived from Max, who likes to run into the room, meow, and run out… like he’s Lassie, trying to tell you Timmy’s stuck in the well or something.

My family says “not a cloud in the sky” whenever my mom is being ridiculous… from one time when she remarked what a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky… when there were clouds everwhere.

Oh, there are so many more that I can’t remember at the moment. Awesome topic.
scribbit on March 8th, 2007 11:26 pm

Alaskans call the rest of the U.S. The Lower 48. My husband thinks it terribly snobbish but I like it.

Also, when you’re traveling out of state you say I’m going “outside.”
mamatulip on March 9th, 2007 12:12 am

When I want to tell Julia I’ll be right back, I say, “I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”

When Dave is on his way to the bathroom — to sit down, not to stand up — he says, “I’m going to drop some kids off at the pool.”

Classy, eh?
Lisa on March 9th, 2007 1:10 am

When my kids were babies we’d say “I am going to go drop them on their head” when it was time to put them in their cribs. We didn’t really drop them and I am not sure how we came up with that one. But it is a family classic.
sylvia c. on March 9th, 2007 1:25 am

My sister and I like to say:
Sit down. Sit down. You don’t know me. Uh.

From the Maury Show.

lol.

Sylvia C.
carrie on March 9th, 2007 8:28 am

Oh yes, the ever so classy “dropping the kids off at the pool” is heard in our home a lot.

So is, “you better warn me if you’re gonna crack one off like that” coming from the boys to my husband. (I try to pretend I don’t hear)

And my personal fav “did you hear that spider?” when someone passes gas.

It is all about the poop and the farts with my lovely boys.

Katie likes to say “yet’s go” instead of “let’s” and we laugh because she does not talk babytalk EVER. So now we find ourselves saying “yet’s _______ ” all the time.

Carrie
Jenn on March 9th, 2007 2:03 pm

“Negative, Ghostrider, the pattern is full,” is a common one between my husband and I. It’s usually a response to a request to complete a chore/task and he or I just don’t have the time to get it done.

For example: He asks me to swing by the hardware store to pick up something …and I know there is no way I can fit it into my schedule, so I say “Negative, Ghostrider, the pattern is full.”

I know, silly. We stole it from a video game.
Jhianna on March 9th, 2007 8:33 pm

We beat our dog all the time. Only for us, it means finding her wherever she happens to be stretched out asleep and give her loving.

And at our house - it’s “spider bark” or “swamp duck” for when someone passes gas. Oh, and a friend coined the term “crop dusting” for doing that down an aisle at a store then running away (usually cackling like a madman, yeah he’s fun).

Then there’s always the “this is awful, you don’t want any of it” for when something is tasty.
Sarah on March 9th, 2007 10:30 pm

I could have sworn I commented, but maybe Blogger ate my comment up. Sigh. Anyway, chez moi we don’t have too many phrases. I’ve been thinking about this for a day now and I still can’t come up with many.

Um, we say someone is a “mountain road” when they’re dishonest.

And if you’re “ripping up tissue boxes” then you’re doing something that makes no sense to anyone.

“The female condition” is the answer and excuse for just about any illogical occurrence - no matter who’s to blame.

“Building bookcases” is adult alone time. More specifically, it’s trying to have a baby, but it can fly with just alone time.

Oh, and when I ask for Donald’s magic or his magic stick, I don’t mean what it sounds like. I’m looking for his flash drive or his Carmex.
Big Ear Creations on March 10th, 2007 5:21 am

Cool post… hope all is well
Pendullum on March 10th, 2007 11:37 pm

I remeber when I first hear///
‘I am going home to fuck the dog….’
I was absolutely horrified…
Little did I know it means I am going home to do nothing….To me it sounded like an awful lot of something!!!
Slackermommy on March 12th, 2007 3:47 pm

If I tell you do you promise not to call DFS?

1. Do you want to go in the chokey? (From the movie Matilda)
2. I’m going to knock you into the next room and hubby follows up with “And I’ll knock you back into this room”.
3. Do you want me to lock you in a dark closet?
4. Don’t make me beat you.
(Of course we don’t actually do these things. Usually the kids laugh at us. They know we are wimps)
5. I’ve got to drop the kids off at the pool stands for “pooping”.

Should I go on or have you lost respect?
Chris on March 14th, 2007 3:49 am

This is an awesome post Idea. I might totally steal it. Okay, borrow it. Okay, fine. I’ll ask nicely. Can I maybe kinda sorta borrow the idea?

Lately, my best friend and I have been calling each other ‘Bitchy Boo’. It’s a term of endearment, I assure you and a very long story
Virginia Belle on April 17th, 2007 8:16 pm

in my family, we have a secret word for babies/the youngest kid present.

Ignats.

we have NO idea where it came from, but family lore gives credit to my dad’s dad. which means it’s probably deragatory (sp?) or VERY un-PC.

the thing is, it comes in handy for parents, because you can talk about your kid right in front of him and he doesn’t even realize it.

example:

Mom: yay! as soon as i put ignats down for a nap, we can go do that thing we’ve been wanting to do!

Dad: Cool!

Kid: huh?

you might want to consider using this term. it came in handy for my parents. by the time the kid figures out you are talking about them, it’s too late. now, i use it in reference to my dog. like, “crap. i gotta get home and let ignats out.”

hmmm…come to think of it, it would make a good dog name….

oh, and my babysitter used to threaten us with this line: “if you don’t knock it off, i’m going to hang you by your toenails and whip you with a wet noodle!”

which would always make us giggle.

when my little sister was a baby, she couldn’t pronounce “ice cream”. she pronounced it more like “rye fream” — to this day, that is how i say ice cream!

then of course, there are all of our little nicknames we have. but there are 7 kids in my family, and i won’t bore you with all that.