Recently, after taking yet another pregnancy test, (it was negative) I got to thinkin‘…

Usually, I pee on a stick a few days before the expected period time, the day of, and every few days following (if late). And being that we’ve been trying for a baby for more than two years now, I’ve peed on ALOT of sticks. After I curse the negative result, I usually just throw the stick away. But… What if I would have kept them?

I come from a long line of German Catholic farmers. These peeps have made efficiency and resourcefulness an art form. Who needs MacGuyver when you’ve got genetics like that? But I’ve often wondered about the things I could do with all of those sticks…

Top 10 Things I could construct out of two years worth of old, peed-on, pregnancy test sticks.

10.) A three-story statue of the Virgin Mary. I love the fact that she was a chick who wasn’t looking to get pregnant and didn’t even have to have sex in order to get “knocked up.” Plus, I don’t think Jesus would have turned out half as well if I was the one raising him!

9.) A grotto. Being that we have tons of photos of the boy placed throughout the house, I’ve often referred to our home as the “Shrine of Seth.” One with seating for 40 in the backyard would be the perfect compliment.

8.) A new backyard retaining wall. Anything would be better than the collapsing, rotting wall we have back there now. Heck, we could help the whole neighborhood.

7.) A building half the size of Lowe’s to store gardening tools, lawn-mower, the various sexual torture devices we currently hide in the basement*, as well as the b-b-q grill.

6.) A king-sized bed, nightstands, and matching dressers — for the entire family. If I vacuumed out the car, I’d have enough dog hair to make several king-sized mattresses. Really!

5.) Super cool playground equipment — like a 4-story slide!

4.) A small chocolate/key lime pie/pineapple curry/sushi factory. (Don’t worry we’d alternate days on what’s produced and when. Don’t want the chocolate smelling like sushi or curry.)

3.) A center for emotionally-fried mothers. Moms could drop off the difficult child, get a few hours of free babysitting then get a massage, pedicure, or even nap.

2.) A team of robots to clean the house, and the rest to entertain/cook breakfast for “the boy” — especially when he wakes up cranky, hungry, and far too early for his mama’s taste.

1.) A private plane. That way we could travel more. But, I guess since the engines might melt a plane made out of that sort of material, maybe we should settle for some sort of ginormous glider?

But if my cousin Linlee saved up her old sticks too? We could make a structure that rivals some of Donald Trumps largest towers. Or our own version of Six Flags — with rides, roller coasters, eateries, and amphitheater. Fortunately she “hit paydirt” and is eagerly awaiting a bundle of her own.

Anyone else have any ideas?

(Oh and please don’t take this to mean I feel sorry for myself. I feel so lucky I have my little guy.)

*Ha! Just threw that in to see if you were paying attention. There are none in the basement. They are actually stored in the garage…