Nothing exciting
By this afternoon, my husband will be a few grams lighter. He’s slated for surgery to remove his uvula.
Ya see, Marc’s a snorer. But not just any ole’ snorer. To describe the noise as “loud” is a great understatement. (Sometimes I can even hear him across the hall in the guest bedroom despite the hum of a noise machine.) The “noise” is not a rhythmic, smooth kind of sound either. It is of the “quiet for a few minutes, then it starts, then it stops, and then it starts again ALL NITE LONG . (Whether he’s on his back, sides or stomach.) Sleeping with that man is like trying to take a nap next to an onery cuss with a chainsaw lookin’ to mess with you. When will the noise start? Wait for it. Waaaaiiiit for it. I find myself waiting “for the other shoe to drop” the entire time I’m laying next to him — but its as if there’s 5000 damn shoes!
So after trying a sleep device, different herbal and over-the-counter stuff as well as allergy meds, (all within the past two years) the ENT decided surgery was the only option left. Marc (tired of his wife sleeping in the Pepto Bismol pink guest room) agreed.
The doctor planned to fix his deviated septum (Dude! There are things on that man’s body far more “deviant”. Can you fix his digestive system too?) as well as take out his uvula.
So I ask Marc: “If they take out your uvula, will you no longer have a gag reflex? That would be so cool if you didn’t. You could have a career swallowing swords and stuff!”
Marc: “If I don’t have a gag reflex I may turn into a VERY POPULAR gay prostitute.
And then he looks at me. With that odd little mischievous smile. Sometimes, I KNOW what he’s thinking before he even thinks it.
Me: “NO!” (Scurries back upstairs to hide…)
Sorry hon. I’m keeping MY gag reflex.
Speaking of uvulas… Did you know they can be pierced?
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By Alissa, August 10, 2007 @ 11:57 am
lol @ that last comment by hubby!
But seriously, they can remove a uvula? Really? I’ve never heard of that! Good luck today!
By Heather L., August 10, 2007 @ 1:03 pm
You absolutely SLAY me!!!
Do me a favor. Don’t tell my hubby about this whole uvula thing. I am a snorer and I like my gag reflex. ;o)
A lot.
Hope everything goes well with the surgery. I’ll be praying.
By Suebob, August 10, 2007 @ 1:05 pm
Good luck to your husband on the surgery. exMr Stapler went through it and it was a bit rougher than he thought - he didn’t have a fever but felt very hot for days after the surgery. Of course he was a big baby, too…
By Her Bad Mother, August 10, 2007 @ 1:56 pm
Is it weird that I get ‘uvula’ and ‘vulva’ confused? I was taken aback by your first paragraph until I straightened that out.
By LiveLee, August 10, 2007 @ 1:59 pm
Love the new place, congrats!
By canape, August 10, 2007 @ 2:07 pm
Oooooo, that is just wrong! Funny. But oh so wrong.
Hope the surgery goes well!
By Jenn, August 10, 2007 @ 2:42 pm
ROFL!!! Yes, kep that gag reflex! Men….sheesh!
My hubby has the same snoring issue…I keep threatening to sleep on the couch if he can’t control the snoring…right in my ear. Every night. No wonder I’m exhausted all the time.
By Liz, August 10, 2007 @ 3:36 pm
I’ve been sleeping with earplugs for the last 3 years. Every night. Because the hubs snores. He sounds like Darth Vader. Gah!
I wonder how this uvula thing will work out–please keep us posted!
By AbsolutelyBananas, August 10, 2007 @ 3:55 pm
AAAGHH HA HA HA HA !!!
By christina_the_wench, August 10, 2007 @ 4:04 pm
OMG! LMAO! See this is why you two are one of my favorite blog couples. You can read each other’s minds. *giggles*
By BOSSY, August 10, 2007 @ 5:24 pm
Bossy came up with a similar cure for her husband’s snoring: A sofa. In the living room.
By Kirsten, August 10, 2007 @ 5:30 pm
I had that surgery in 2001. Best thing I ever did! Hope all goes well… Oh, and to my husband’s dismay I STILL have a gag reflex!
By Rebecca, August 10, 2007 @ 5:56 pm
hehehehe
By flutter, August 10, 2007 @ 6:05 pm
oof, poor guy. I wish him good luck!
By becky, August 10, 2007 @ 6:47 pm
LOL thats hilarious. and something matt would totally do too! a friend of mine’s husband is getting that same surgery done today too. what a coincidence!
By FunnyGal KAT, August 10, 2007 @ 7:09 pm
Ha ha! OF COURSE you knew what he was thinking. It’s the same thing every guy would be thinking if they found out the gag reflex could be removed! Let’s try to keep this under wraps, shall we?
By Carrie, August 10, 2007 @ 7:26 pm
Oh you lucky, lucky lady! I hope the surgery goes well and everything! You know, with my *snoring* spouse, I am excited to see how this works!!!
And dear lord, we ARE all married to the same man. With the same humor.
By Dana, August 10, 2007 @ 7:51 pm
I had to read that second sentence twice because for a second I thought you said “vulva.” You are a riot.
I’m keeping my gag reflex, too.
By Reba, August 11, 2007 @ 6:05 am
LD has to sleep with a machine for sleep apnea. It somewhat helps. He seems to always rip it off in the middle of the night in sleep. The doctor has considered sedating him, but that is dangerous. Maybe I should have him see a ENT and possible surgery.
By Reba, August 11, 2007 @ 6:05 am
Oh and I love the new look.
By Mommy off the Record, August 11, 2007 @ 7:38 am
At least you know that if you’re ever in a financial pinch, he could get good work, eh?
Hope the surgery went well!
And congrats on the new domain.
By Oh, The Joys, August 11, 2007 @ 10:45 pm
What is with boys? It ALWAYS comes back to the bj.
By Christine, August 12, 2007 @ 3:14 am
Marc cracks me up!
By crunchy carpets, August 12, 2007 @ 3:20 pm
Ooooh I hope it works….my dh sacrificed his years ago and it only worked for a short time.
He snores JUST as loud now….but now cannot snort like a pig!
By Sarah, August 13, 2007 @ 9:09 pm
You can pierce your uvula?! WHY would someone do that?! WHY?!
Although, I’ll bet that piercing your uvula would be a pretty good way to excuse yourself from blowjobs. It’s not like a tongue ring which you can control to enhance pleasure, is it? Ew.
By Daisy, August 16, 2007 @ 1:07 pm
Piercings aside, will it affect his speech?