By this afternoon, my husband will be a few grams lighter. He’s slated for surgery to remove his uvula.

Ya see, Marc’s a snorer. But not just any ole’ snorer. To describe the noise as “loud” is a great understatement. (Sometimes I can even hear him across the hall in the guest bedroom despite the hum of a noise machine.) The “noise” is not a rhythmic, smooth kind of sound either. It is of the “quiet for a few minutes, then it starts, then it stops, and then it starts again ALL NITE LONG . (Whether he’s on his back, sides or stomach.) Sleeping with that man is like trying to take a nap next to an onery cuss with a chainsaw lookin’ to mess with you. When will the noise start? Wait for it. Waaaaiiiit for it. I find myself waiting “for the other shoe to drop” the entire time I’m laying next to him — but its as if there’s 5000 damn shoes!

So after trying a sleep device, different herbal and over-the-counter stuff as well as allergy meds, (all within the past two years) the ENT decided surgery was the only option left. Marc (tired of his wife sleeping in the Pepto Bismol pink guest room) agreed.

 The doctor planned to fix his deviated septum (Dude! There are things on that man’s body far more “deviant”. Can you fix his digestive system too?) as well as take out his uvula.

So I ask Marc: “If they take out your uvula, will you no longer have a gag reflex? That would be so cool if you didn’t. You could have a career swallowing swords and stuff!”

Marc: “If I don’t have a gag reflex I may turn into a VERY POPULAR gay prostitute.

And then he looks at me. With that odd little mischievous smile. Sometimes, I KNOW what he’s thinking before he even thinks it.

Me: “NO!” (Scurries back upstairs to hide…)

Sorry hon. I’m keeping MY gag reflex.

Speaking of uvulas… Did you know they can be pierced?