Do you hear what I hear?
Last Monday afternoon “the boy’s” kindergarten teacher called to express some concerns about his behavior.
After only one week of school.
The teacher became greatly alarmed over the course of a few days when she tried to get Seth’s attention and couldn’t. She tried calling his name in a louder voice. She even tried clapping. While this got the other kids’ attention, Seth didn’t notice. She asked about his recent hearing test. And I had a conversation with her I’ll probably have with every teacher that crosses Seth’s path. In short? His hearing is fine. He has what I call “selective hearing” — just like his father.
If you are two inches from my hubby’s face and ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do? He chooses not to hear you. I’ve noticed Seth also possess this “amazing” (and by “amazing, I mean, “completely infuriating”) ability to block out what he considers useless information (aka bedtimes, rules, various directives, etc.). And if you try to talk to either one of them while the tv is on? Let’s just say, your time would be better spent talking to an empty fish tank or the sludge that still may be in said fish tank.
So the teacher and I discussed tactics on how to get Seth to listen. I haven’t told her how I’ve tried for years and continue each day. I also didn’t share the fact that I’m tempted to place shock collars on both of them while sleeping. (Being that Marc’s “habit” is more ingrained, I already know what voltage I want to use!**) That might freak her out. But give her a few months. After having this same conversation a fourth or fifth time? Methinks she’ll come around.
**A modest amount of voltage, like the “funky chicken dance” setting. Ok so maybe that would be considered a TEENY bit more than “modest”.
P.S. Dear DCFS, I’d NEVER really do this to my son. My husband? Well, that’s an entirely different proposition.
P.S.S. THANK YOU to the lovely ladies who gave me their wise input regarding the “second kid conundrum” post. I’ve read your words repeatedly. A decision to have or not to have another child hasn’t been reached because it seems neither decision feels right at this time. (My husband would be happy with one child or more.) So I’ve felt sort of stuck. But thanks to you all, you’ve given me some wonderful guidance, points and counterpoints.)
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By Suebob, August 27, 2007 @ 4:31 am
OMG is Tweed at school?
By motherofbun, August 27, 2007 @ 4:35 am
He sure is Suebob. He sure is…
By Alissa, August 27, 2007 @ 12:04 pm
Well, if you have a good teacher she’ll figure a way around it. Drew needs a good teacher for almost the same reason. Only he listens fine…when he can hear over the sound of his own voice. This year’s teacher says sometimes he’s just talking away, at a medium volume level, and NO ONE is paying a bit of attention. And this is right in the middle of class!
By rebekah, August 27, 2007 @ 12:48 pm
I know what yer sayin. My son Josh suffers with this selective hearing. He does have a hearing loss but with or without that, he still ‘chooses” to hear or not to hear. He can’t remember what I told him 5 minutes ago, but he can remember ESPN comments from a week ago…. and the score of every game played…. ugh
By VirtualSprite, August 27, 2007 @ 4:44 pm
Both of my boy children have the same hearing loss… and it’s far worse than my girl child who has an honest-to-God medical hearing loss. Maybe it’s a boy thing?
By canape, August 27, 2007 @ 5:17 pm
Sounds like she is going to have to get a little more individualized in her teaching.
My youngest nephew is writing similar stories in his first year of kindergarten as we speak.
By Tuesday, August 27, 2007 @ 5:32 pm
I noticed this with my nephew. It has to be a boy thing!
By Tamberlyn, August 27, 2007 @ 6:47 pm
My kindergarten boy just got in trouble today for the first time….he had a VERY hard time keeping his hands to himself. I don’t think that my child is perfect, and he has issues with this at home, but he is such a goody goody for others I was genuinely surprised. Hopefully both boys will get it together and do just fine!
By Oh, The Joys, August 27, 2007 @ 8:04 pm
Please post any solutions you find. The Mayor also suffers!
By Dawn, August 28, 2007 @ 1:50 am
Methinks this is a youngish teacher?
I mean HECK - he just got there. I rarely listen to my teachers for the first couple of weeks either. Plus, she needs to prove to him that she is top alpha dog.
By Lori, August 28, 2007 @ 3:33 am
I really think that this is an almost exclusively male trait.
By Lisa, August 28, 2007 @ 1:44 pm
My son has the same issue…as does his daddy! and it was my daughter who needed to go for hearing tests! (she was fine as I knew she’d be).
By bubblewench, August 28, 2007 @ 2:28 pm
Did you WARN the teacher about Tweed? I like the shock coller idea. I think my Hubby needs one too. Or is it just a male thing? That selective hearing?
By Sugared Harpy, August 28, 2007 @ 6:07 pm
And you’re quite sure that Seth really isn’t channeling my son, Daniel?
By BOSSY, August 28, 2007 @ 6:36 pm
What? Oh sorry, Bossy was listening to her stomach growl.
By Momish, August 28, 2007 @ 10:35 pm
I have the same tendency. I consider it a great talent for focusing. A stellar skill. My husband hates it too!
By Believer in Balance, August 29, 2007 @ 1:17 am
Ah!!!! My hubby and oldest daughter have this selective hearing too! Especially when they’re watching t.v. I actually knocked on my oldest daughter’s head tonight (gently DCFS!) just to get her attention. It’s so infuriating!!! Let me know where I can get one of those shock collars.
By Nap Queen, August 29, 2007 @ 2:19 am
My husband does the same thing and it makes me CRAZY!! It’s like talking to a sock. And I love that you used the word “methinks”. Awesome.
By Marci, August 29, 2007 @ 2:30 am
I am not yet lucky enough to have kids, but I am the oldest of four kids (suprisingly similar to motherhood - oy!). My siblings had many moments of selective hearing. To this day, they will ask me a question, and I will answer - “But, I told you that already!!” Thus, the battle continues
By creative-type dad, August 29, 2007 @ 6:18 am
We usually block out nagging.
Try talking in question form, like on Jepordy. Or just randomly say something like “No way! that chick is naked! (to your husband of course.) That should work.
By Carrie, August 29, 2007 @ 6:27 am
Men.
Anyway, I am sure that Seth’s teacher will find a solution. Keeping him in the front of the class would be a start!
By Zookeeper, August 29, 2007 @ 2:17 pm
I think it will get better as Seth gets used to being at school. It takes Kindergarteners a while to figure out the whole school thing. Like the fact that the teacher is there to TEACH them and they need to listen to her. My son is still having trouble accepting that he goes to school everyday, unlike last year when he attended three-day-a-week preschool. They’ll both come around sooner or later. Let’s just hope it’s sooner!
By slackermommy, August 29, 2007 @ 4:44 pm
He may have some trouble with auditory processing where he can’t single out sounds if there are other sounds and activity going on. His teacher will need to make sure he’s looking at her when she speaks and maybe even have him repeat it back to her. Having him sit in the front of the room is also a good idea. This is what we do for Madeline and it’s made a big difference in her ability to learn. Don’t let his teacher perceive this as a problem when it may very well be something he can’t help. She is a very important factor in his school success. We can chat more about this later if you like.
By Nancy, August 29, 2007 @ 5:02 pm
My little one has this delightful — er, unique — OK, IRRITATING quirk as well. The only way she’ll respond is if you’re handing her a box of chocolate milk. She loves chocolate milk.
By Kristi B., August 30, 2007 @ 5:47 am
Oh my stars! my oldest child (girl, it’s not just a male problem) has this selective hearing problem too. On a bad day, I want to pound her on the head and scream, “listen!!” but most days I just realize that she has an unbelievably active imagination (really) and spends a good deal of her time in the land of fairies and whatnot. She’s seven. Seven! and it’s taken me, oh, about 6.5 years to realize the solution to the problem—it’s not yelling louder. It’s not threatening. It’s not time-outs. You won’t believe it. It’s whispering. Get down to her level and whisper. It works! I swear! Try it.
Loved the blog. I’ll be back!
By Kristi B., August 30, 2007 @ 5:49 am
Oh and yelling, “who wants ice cream?” works too!
By Ruth Dynamite, August 30, 2007 @ 11:40 am
My daughter does this to me, and I either start screaming like a lunatic or babbling about icecream, chocolate, or buying new Webkinz. Suddenly, miraculously, she snaps out of it.
By l.a. daddy, August 31, 2007 @ 5:25 pm
My daughter does this a bit, too. Which had me worried - I’ve always heard that a symptom of autism is when they don’t listen/hear when you call to them. But, it seems like she has developed my “selective” hearing as well…