Midwestern Mommy

Because we are easily amused and have no lives, (Ok. Ok. Because I’m easily amused and have no life) we (as in “me”) coordinate the dog’s Halloween costume with the boy’s each year.

May I present the Jedi (He’s Obi Wan) and Princess Leia. Why yes, she IS wearing the famous double buns sported by Leia back in the day. They are very difficult to see.

Happy Halloween and hope you get lots of candy and have a ton of fun.

P.S. If you’ve got kids that need school uniforms, check out the Head of the Class. Being that the owners have three boys, they understand the need for quality clothing (that holds up to wear and tear) at affordable prices. They’ve poured lots of love and energy into this business. No doubt in my mind that they will take fabulous care of you. (And no, I’m not being paid for the ad nor am I being paid to say this. I’m doing it because they are friends of ours — they are amazing people offering a great product.) Plus? A portion of your purchase goes toward your school! How cool is that?

Watch out my love,” Seth whispers softly as he maneuvers past, carrying a large cardboard box.

 Touched by his kind words I reply, “Oh, that’s a very sweet way to…”

 ”I wasn’t talking to YOU,” he interrupts, visibly irritated. “I was talking to ABBEY.”

 I make a beeline to the computer to document this moment. (Because my first thought of course is, “I am SO blogging about this.”) As I do so, this five-year-old brings his sleeping bag into my office. Not wanting to miss out on any action, Abbeydog follows. Seth drops the sleeping bag down then smooths it out. The dog plops down next to him.

“Sit here my love,” he says.

I stifle a giggle. 

Clearly he’s forgotten exactly WHO is in charge of the candy buying and cookie-making at our house.

Hopefully Abbeydog lapped up this kindness because when tomorrow morning beckons, she’ll find the boy playing with his light saber and bored. And she will get poked and antagonized — just like any other day.

It was a dark and snowy night. I was living in St. Louis and trekking to the home of the parental units who live two miles outside of a tiny southern Illinois town. As I got off of the highway, a mile from their home, I noticed the snow removal trucks hadn’t touched the roads in this area. It had snowed so hard it was impossible to tell the road from the ditches that lined both sides. Visibility was horrid. I ended up getting stuck.  And I had to walk a little more than a quarter mile to my parents house. It was slow going – especially in the midst of a blizzard while wearing heels and an Ally McBeal type suit. (Hey, I was 23. Need I say more?)

As I slipped, shivered, and cursed in the darkness, I vowed to keep extra socks, sneakers and a blanket in the trunk during future winter months. Looking back, I know that these three things? Don’t exactly spell “Prepared for Inclement Weather”. But that’s only because I didn’t know about the vehicle survival kit from Sequoia Survival Company!

To read the rest of this review (and find out what type of products are packed in the survival kit) visit Midwestern Mommy Reviews. This review was written on behalf of the Parent Bloggers Network. For more reviews on this product click HERE.

(First off? Some background.)

You know how baby experts love to say, “Sing to your baby. Even if you are off key, its ok. Your baby will LOVE the sound of your voice?” Well, when I sang to my baby. He’d cry harder. When he was old enough to speak, he’d scream, “Noooooo, Maaa-eee. Noooooo”. (In fact if the boy is meandering around and I’m running low on patience? All I have to say is, “If you don’t get going, I’m gonna start singing…” And it always makes him pick up his pace.)

In other words, I am a sucky singer. And the last thing I want to do is subject society to me croaking along to “Barbie Girl.” SO without further ado…

 Things I would do before I EVER sing Karaoke

1.) Attend six back-to-back catholic wedding masses without a bathroom break.

2.) Have sex with our creepy mailman.

3.) Package, produce and distribute my own homemade sex tape (with creepy, old mailman).

4.) Give said sex tape as a Christmas gift to my husband, parents, siblings and in-laws.  

5.) Make it my life’s work to convince every person on the planet that Tom Cruise is, indeed, straight.

6.) Become Ann Colture’s presidential campaign manager consequently, spending our life savings trying to get her elected.

7.) Lick my dog’s butt (Oh wait. Let’s rethink that… Nope. I’d lick my dog’s but before I’d sing karaoke or even become Ann Colture’s campaign manager, now that I think about it.)

8.) Pick someone else’s nose.

9.) Swallow the clumps of used chewing tobacco my husband likes to occasionally leave in various cups around the house. (Gag.)

10. Become a proctologist and offer free exams to close relatives.

Fyi — Am waiting on some info in regards to the ”Who does what at your house” post. Hope to have it up by the end of next week.

His kindergarten classroom is a buzzing, whirlwind of activity. You’ll often see some kids working in pairs on a project while others work on the floor by themselves. Yesterday when I walked into Seth’s class to volunteer, I saw him sitting at his seat, subdued and woefully eating his snack. Something wasn’t right with this usually energetic and enthusiastic boy. 

I asked  him what was wrong. “Nothing,” he mumbled while looking away.

His teacher promptly pulled me aside to tell me he had alot of trouble following directions in that first hour of class. At one point, when all of the kids got up to work on their projects (after gathering together to read a story) Seth remained on the floor by himself.  He seemed so out of it, she noted.

I helped him and the other kids with an art project. While I cleaned up the tables, he was working on a numbers project. Or he was supposed to. He tried to mistakenly work on another child’s project and the teacher gave him a stern word telling him he had to work on his own number puzzle instead. 

I watched him as he sat on the floor, hidden away in a corner, clutching pieces of puzzle, with an look of overwhelming defeat in his watery eyes.  I told his teacher that he clearly was having an off day and asked if I could go over to where he was and give him a hug. She said, “ok.” 

I knelt down by him and held his face against my chest while rubbing his back. Upon my touch, the fat tears welling up in his eyes began sliding down his face. We silently sat there watching our tears paint his shirt. When I had enough composure to speak I told him, “Seth, you’re just having a really bad day today. There are some days when it seems like everything is so hard. Everybody has those. I’ve had a few of those lately too. So has daddy. So does everyone. But just remember we love you no matter what kind of a day you have.” He looked deeply into eyes. He screwed up his courage. 

I said, “You and I will do something special tonight, Ok? Tomorrow will be a much better day. You’ll see.”

At that point his teacher told everyone to line up for PE, so we both wiped our eyes and he left the room.  

I went to the corner market and bought him a little “cheer up” present — a whoopee cushion. Because if something that makes fart noises can’t cheer up a 5-year-old boy? NOTHING can.

P.S. After the first few “fart” noises and a trip to his favoritest restaurant in the whole wide world, all of the difficulty of the day was forgotten. Seth (as well as his teacher) reported that today was a much happier day.

P.S. Dear Wordpress. If I wanted all of my copy jumbled up and made to look like I have no idea how to make paragraphs, I would have stuck with sucky ass Blogger, thank you very much. And the fact that I can fix it 500 times, save and have it look the same exact way it did prior is a HUGE reason as to why left Blogger. Must I move my stuff to another service? Is this a sign of things to come. Cause this little glitch is pissing me off!

“If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.”

“It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it’s the party of women and ‘We’ll pay for health care and tuition and day care — and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?’” — Ann Coulter.

Ann Coulter loves to share — especially when it comes to sharing her thoughts with the media (and when she’s got a new book to pimp). After mulling over her words for a few days, I think I know WHY Ann is the way she is. A few years ago, Ann went to the hospital to have a really big, disgusting mole removed from her head. But the surgeon misread the chart and took her brain out instead.  That’s just my silly little opinion. I could be wrong.

Disclaimer: I don’t really claim to be devoted to one party or another. But if Ann truly wants to “help” make our country a better place, she needs to stop bashing people who don’t think like her and (at least try to) understand their perspectives and backgrounds. She needs to put her judgements aside and work toward creating actual solutions to problems — solutions that mix compassion with common sense.

Hola Isabel asked a great question recently. And I want to ask it of you all. When it comes to caring for children, finances, and home — who does what? What about weekends? Also, do you work full time, part time or do the stay-at-home mom gig? And last but not least, do YOU think the work is fairly divided at your house?

Ok. That’s alot to answer so if you can just answer the “who does what”? That would be great. Its fascinating to hear how chores are divided (or not) in most households.

Just so you know? There has been a name change in our family.

Seth decided he no longer likes his first name. At first he was wanting a “cool” name like his best buds Josh and Luke.  He later decided he is to be referred to as “Speed” from here on out.

And if you choose to call him “Seth” instead? Or even “Bunny”? May God protect you from the wrath of a 5-year old boy who KNOWS how to wield his new light saber (from Target, natch). He’s 42 pounds of (squirelly) running fury – that one. 

P.S. This is his “game face”. He thought a bandage would make him look even tougher — as to intimidate the other team.

Our last house was haunted by a most evil creature my husband calls a “barking skink”. Apparently it loved Marc alot because to my dismay, it “followed” him when we moved two years ago to our current abode.

This invisible creature lurks around expelling the most noxious of odors and sounds. I often wonder if I’m breathing some sort of poisonous gas. The skink, which requires no food or care, sleeps during the day. It chooses to make its presence known only when Marc is at home. Sometimes, when the skink is feeling cheeky, it can stink up an entire room. The loud “bark” is your only warning for what will quickly follow. 

When my husband retires for the night the skink follows, nestling itself under the blankets. As my husband drifts off to sleep the skink seems to come alive. Sometimes its’ loud barking sounds awaken me. When I am overwhelmed by the fumes, I loudly curse the skink and relocate to another bedroom.

It doesn’t follow Marc out in public. But it does like to hide in his suitcase. While vacationing I have often realized, with a resigned sigh, that the skink has followed us, like an uninvited stowaway.

I think the skink must have had a baby that bonded with Seth — he seems to have a small “barking skink” of his own.

P.S. My husband claims the fumes and sound do not come from him. He swears on his life it is the skink. You know, because he’s so suave and classy like that.

P.S.S. Oh and guess what? Mamma Loves nominated me for a Perfect Post recently.  At first I was all, “Whu?” And then I was all, “Awwww.”  And that post of hers I had mentioned? She won a Perfect Post for that! YIPPEE.

“At my heaviest I was over 300 pounds. I did it on purpose, by design”…

“People tried to break through and I made them sorry. I wanted some people to break through and all they saw was the girl who would “be so pretty if”. Brick and mortar. Taller and taller and thicker it grew until there was nothing left of spirit. It was all covered in sugar and cholesterol until I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t walk.”

In mid-September, Flutter wrote this post which contains the words just quoted. Her words are powerful, painfully honest, and profound. And I’ve awarded her a Perfect Post for that reason.

There are so many women – amazing women — that struggle with their weight and their relationship with food. To so many people, food isn’t merely fuel, it is comfort and security. Sometimes binging, purging, starving, (or abusing diet pills) is a way to deal with stress or heartbreak. Sometimes its a way to exert control or feel disciplined. 

I can relate. Before becoming a mother, I took (alot of) diet pills as a means of staying thin. And for me, being a certain size was my way of feeling disciplined and worthwhile. I stopped weeks before getting pregnant. Without the diet pills to keep my appetite at bay and the hours of strenuous exercise, I ended up gaining 60 pounds (yes 60) during my pregnancy. Food, at that point, became comfort. Binging was a way of dealing with stress. It wasn’t until I got to the blogosphere that I realized I wasn’t alone. So many women, no matter what size they were or currently are, have struggled with the same kinds of painful issues.

Flutter is making great strides in her life right now. And being honest with herself in this regard plays a large part in that. There are many of us cheering her on.

Christine is one of several Perfect Post winners. For a full list go to sponsors www.suburbanturmoil.blogspot.com and www.petroville.com.  

While I can only choose one post on which to bestow a Perfect Post, I did want to mention a post that the amazing Mamma Loves wrote on this subject recently. I loved it as well.