Once upon a time…
I don’t do long posts very often. But I thought I’d share a bit of my past… (And while I didn’t give the guy’s last name, I admit, I was tempted.)
Once upon a time there was a small town girl who moved to the “big city”. She was 23, had never lived on her own, and had just ended a 4-year relationship with a man who’d been her best friend. All of these changes were very overwhelming. She felt very lost and painfully vulnerable.
One day she met a boy named Craig. She was drawn to his cocky charm. (Being that she hadn’t dated much, she didn’t realize that “cocky charm” is really just a nice way of describing an arrogant jerk.)
She definitely wasn’t in love. But she was lonely and she enjoyed getting to know him.
He was a few years older, and worked for an engineering company out of Ohio. He had gone to Ohio State on an athletic scholarship, he said. When he hurt his knee during a game his sophomore year his athletic scholarship ended. But the ever resourceful lad didn’t miss a financial beat. He had wonderful grades and easily secured some sort of academic scholarship. He had a blast during his time there and was even active in his fraternity.
Although he was working in a satellite office, (in Illinois) he said that in a few months he’d be leaving. He’d be moving to Ohio, where his company was headquartered. The powers that be were aging. They were looking to the young pups to further the company’s future. They thought he had alot of potential. He was being groomed for management.
One night before Craig and this girl headed out on a date, he cleaned out his car. He proudly showed her various mechanical drawings he had done. The company logo and address were prominently displayed. She found it odd that he’d show her these drawings. She’d never questioned his story. Nonetheless, he seemed proud of the drawings so the girl showed enthusiasm and admiration for the designs.
One night, she called him at his home. “He’s at school now,” his mom said. Later on, the girl asked Craig about this response.
“She wasn’t supposed to say anything. Stupid bitch!” was his reply. After going on a tirade about his very sweet mother, he said he was upset because he didn’t want anyone to know that he was attending SIUE to get a Masters in Mathematics on the sly. If his friends knew, he reasoned, they’d make fun of him for being a geek.
The girl had met some of his friends at this point. While they seemed nice, they also seemed like the type that didn’t take too kindly to anyone they thought was an “intellectual.” She let the subject drop.
The time for Craig to move to Ohio had come. He said he wouldn’t have a phone at his place — he’d use his work cellphone to save money. The girl got him a good-bye gift. He was speechless. He thanked her. He put the gift in the car, kissed her goodbye, then drove off. She went on with her days.
He called her now almost daily. A few weeks later when he came back into town, they went out. Something happened that she’s not quite ready to tell the blogosphere about. (Something not even most of her family and friends know.)
She never saw him again after that night. His calls, thankfully, stopped — for the time.
Shortly after the incident, the girl’s friend, Christine, who worked at the college, overheard a student who was being helped. When she heard him say his first and last name, she realized this was the guy her friend had dated.
She looked at his records. She realized it was all a lie. He’d lied to her friend about literally everything but his first and last name.
The reality was that this boy was a few years younger. He was never a student at any place but SIUE. And even at SIUE he was hardly a sophomore. He wasn’t showing up for his classes and he was flunking out of all but one (he had a D in that class). He didn’t work for an Ohio-based engineering company. He’d never even taken an engineering class. There was no promotion. He’d never moved out of his parents’ house. He’d never left his hometown.
The girl felt like the ground beneath her had been yanked away. Then she found out Craig’s friends were in on the joke. Even a coworker of the girl knew about the farce. This coworker gleefully watched the deception unfold. This coworker laughed while telling others the story. When she found out other coworkers knew about the deception, she was absolutely horrified.
Months later, the girl was contacted again by Craig. She asked him if he’d made it to any of his alma mater’s football games. “Yes!” He said. He talked about the parties he’d been to on Ohio State’s campus. She asked him a pointed question about the campus. (Because by this point, she had done some research.) She asked a few more questions. His awkward answers indicated that he’d probably never seen the campus.
“Craig. I know you’ve been lying to me,” she said, her voice even and flat. “I know all about what’s going on.”
She proceeded to tell him what she knew. He became irate. He called her horrible names. He told her he was coming to her apartment. “You’re going to hurt you bitch,” he said. “I’m gonna fuck you up.”
She hung up shaking. By now she was in the beginnings of a relationship with someone else. Although she didn’t want to bother him, she didn’t know of too many people in the city that she could call. So she called him, confided and asked if she could come over for awhile. She spent the night. Years later she married this man.
It has been more than 10 years since this incident. The girl is a mother. Little by little, she’s learned to trust people again. She knows her trust issues have hurt her husband far more than anyone else. She no longer questions how someone could have completely snowed her. She no longer walks into a room painfully assuming she’s a big joke to everyone there. She’s stopped questioning the “why”. The sense of confidence and competence she lost when this happened has slowly been restored. And for that she is grateful.
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By Cheryl, November 13, 2007 @ 9:24 pm
It’s tough to open yourself up again after you are betrayed so deeply.
By Nancy, November 13, 2007 @ 9:46 pm
I am glad the girl has learned to trust again after being put through the wringer with a scary guy. But it’s a shame that these are the kinds of things we can never completely put out of our head. (I’ve been there too, to some degree.)
By Ree, November 13, 2007 @ 9:59 pm
Hey, I don’t know if you read my post from Sunday (11/11), but this, I think, fits in with that theme.
By Dawn, November 13, 2007 @ 10:00 pm
Oh sweet pea.
I am sorry that this happened to you - but this was clearly HIS issue. Normal people just don’t go around concocting identities.
We are not stupid to love or trust. It is only when we let these fools have power over us that the damage they intended comes to pass.
Of course, if you ever have the opportunity to pop him in the mouth, that could be wholly satisfying….
By Raquita, November 13, 2007 @ 10:56 pm
It is hard enough to open up to people with out having fought through that which you have - you have all of my admiration.
ps. new blog is really nice too - this is the first time i’ve clicked over in a while from my reader…
By Alissa, November 13, 2007 @ 11:58 pm
I’m glad the girl is OK. Even if getting to OK is a process. I hope she knows she’s not alone in the way that she feels about many, many things.
By Mrs. G., November 14, 2007 @ 12:06 am
Whoa, I’ve been lied to by losers but never to that extent. I can see where that might take a while to get over.
By Dana, November 14, 2007 @ 12:53 am
I happen to think that she’s pretty great and am happy that she’s enjoying a full life again.
By MammaLoves, November 14, 2007 @ 2:13 am
He better pray that that girl and I never encounter him, because he will become familiar with the feeling of one red pump shoved up his ass and another across the bridge of his nose.
But that’s nothing compared to what that female co-worker would suffer.
What is wrong with people?!
I am so sorry (you know for that girl). I hope she knows she has friends–real friends–that would never do that.
By Poopydigs, November 14, 2007 @ 4:25 am
Boy does fate have its way of bringing people together.
With the very bad, comes the very good.
Let’s hope Craig stays away FOR GOOD.
By Michelle at Scribbit, November 14, 2007 @ 7:35 am
Wow, a painful story–what a cocky jerk!
By debra, November 14, 2007 @ 9:04 am
What are people thinking? Can you imagine the time and energy wasted on keeping up that charade?
And wherever that girl is now, I hope she feels the love. ‘Cuz I’m sending boat-loads her way! {{hugs}}
By VirtualSprite, November 14, 2007 @ 3:02 pm
Oh, sweetie… I am so sorry this happened. Men suck sometimes.
I’m glad to hear that you’re healing and that the damage won’t be permanent. It’s good to be a little cynical, but trust is important, too.
By christina, November 14, 2007 @ 3:46 pm
I can relate to your story a similar thing happened to me with some pretty long lasting consequences. Like you, it has taken time to trust again. But, time heals
By Farrell, November 14, 2007 @ 4:07 pm
Whoa.
How did you learn to trust again? I am struggling with that.
By Farrell, November 14, 2007 @ 4:07 pm
Also, I want to slap that coworker that was “in” on it across her bitchy little face.
By Oh, The Joys, November 14, 2007 @ 4:16 pm
What a (insert very rude name). I am so sorry you had such an experience. It makes me so confused that people can be so cruel.
By Candy, November 14, 2007 @ 5:03 pm
Hey, found your site from Hotfessional.
This is a tremendous story. It’s hard to believe your coworkers thought this was a great joke. Assholes. So sorry you had to live through such a thing.
By Gina, November 15, 2007 @ 12:45 am
This is truly deep. It’s very very brave of you to open up like this, i which i found the courage to do so.
By tracey, November 15, 2007 @ 4:34 am
So, so sorry… I can’t imagine what was wrong in those kids’ lives and hearts that they actually schemed to fool and hurt someone else. I am so glad you have learned to love and trust again…
By Sugared Harpy, November 15, 2007 @ 5:42 pm
My god, what an odd thing to do to himself and especially to other people? That’s more than being a cocky jerk, that’s insanity.
I’m so happy you are getting there, healing slowly and surely. Look what an amazing person you’ve become, despite his ass!!!
By Marriage-101, November 15, 2007 @ 6:51 pm
I met a guy at a college party once, told me he was a sophomore at another college and was in a fraternity there, which was why he was able to get into this frat party. So I spent some “quality time” with him one night, only to find out a couple of days later (from friends actually) that he was still in high school. My friends saw his car driving around town in the middle of the week when he should’ve been away at college and followed him - to the high school. That’s how they found out. He came to visit me about a week or two later (on the weekend of course) and after asking him a series of questions about his school, his classes, etc. I finally asked “So when’s prom?” and he knew he was caught. Fortunately, he took it much better than Craig did. He was embarassed and sorry and I forgave him, but obviously didn’t date him because he was untrustworthy.
I’m glad you were able to realize that not all people are creeps like Craig. There are lots of ‘em, but your hubby is not one of them.
P.S. Can you come to the blogger meetup?
By Kristin, November 16, 2007 @ 3:58 pm
((hugs to you, cookie))
By abunslife, November 16, 2007 @ 8:46 pm
What a sick mother ‘effer. For once I am actually speechless.
By Ruth Dynamite, November 16, 2007 @ 11:38 pm
That loser is a pathological sociopath - and you his unwitting victim. I hope you know it’s not your fault. You trusted him - as well you should have. He’s to blame and it’s quite clear he’s a sick, abusive guy.
I hope you’ve released this by sharing it - and thank you for that. And I hope other people reading this who have been victimized by similar psychos can realize that they, too, did nothing wrong.
By angela, November 17, 2007 @ 2:47 pm
It’s hard for me to believe that there are people like Craig out there. What a creep.
By Nap Warden, November 17, 2007 @ 9:00 pm
I have a scary guy in my past as well. It is amazing how much they can affect your life when you are young and vulnerable. I am glad you are able to overcome it. I have to…
By Rebecca, November 17, 2007 @ 10:52 pm
I second our very wise friend Dana: you are really great. I’m proud of you for sharing this story. As women, so many of us have had things happen to us in romantic relationships for which we feel shame and embarassment. . . and nothing makes me more proud than those women who can later tell the story, look back, and finally realize we have nothing to feel shameful or embarassed about.
By AbsolutelyBananas, November 18, 2007 @ 8:24 am
How awful. I think that the fact that you’re writing about it (hopefully) means you’re really moving on.
By Sarah, November 25, 2007 @ 8:32 pm
It is incredible difficult to trust once someone you care for betrays you. I am so proud of the girl for finding the strength within herself to rise above the situation. The next relationship she fell into appears to be much more functional and healthy =)
Once upon a time, I dated a man who had much in common with Craig and because of that, I cannot tell you how thankful I am that the girl is no longer the unwitting victim of his cruel game.