Comments on: “I hate you!” (Its nothing personal…) http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 06:16:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2 By: corky4208 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-15082 corky4208 Mon, 28 Jan 2008 01:26:18 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-15082 I am in a terrible place with my 12 year old son. He transitions between his dad (Buddy) and me (Dickhole) every other week. He often says he hates me and our house and calls me the above name. He gets so angry over my even opening my mouth. All I have to say is, "What do you mean?" and he springs like a cobra. His dad and I have been divorced for 11 years and recently the dad has forced the 50/50 custody situation. I don't agree, but he's convinced my son that anything else is unfair. It has to do with financial support, but I am helpless because my son loves to be with him, and has left an open threat that if I "do anything to screw it up...". He doesn't like the stepmother, but tells me he has learned to live with it. Conversely, he tells me that if I were to ever meet someone, he would do everything in his power to ruin it. I haven't gone down that path. I totally think that any child needs a close relationship with Dad, but Son's relationship with me is completely unhealthy. Dad originally left the marriage because it got in the way of dating (including my best friend) but Son knows nothing about it. I'm really close to laying it all out for him because I can't stand the rejection from my son when I have always been there for him and Dad wrecked everything, including the fact that he has no siblings. Dad has filled in more and more only because Son is now older and more fun and circumstances have changed, including a change in financial situation through marriage. I do not try to compete with "more fun". Son and I have huge fights because I will not tolerate rudeness and disrespect. That's usually when I hear that I am hated and called the fancy name. I know I am doing the right thing: not competing with the "better" house, not tolerating attitude, recognising manipulation, etc. but Son is amazingly well behaved with all others, is captain of his teams and adored by everyone. It's only behind closed doors with me that he acts like a complete loonie. He's gone at the end of the week, unfortuately, and so everything is always left undone. The days he arrives and the days he leaves are always the worst, which could be predicted. I am pretty close to beating him. I am in a terrible place with my 12 year old son. He transitions between his dad (Buddy) and me (Dickhole) every other week. He often says he hates me and our house and calls me the above name. He gets so angry over my even opening my mouth. All I have to say is, “What do you mean?” and he springs like a cobra. His dad and I have been divorced for 11 years and recently the dad has forced the 50/50 custody situation. I don’t agree, but he’s convinced my son that anything else is unfair. It has to do with financial support, but I am helpless because my son loves to be with him, and has left an open threat that if I “do anything to screw it up…”. He doesn’t like the stepmother, but tells me he has learned to live with it. Conversely, he tells me that if I were to ever meet someone, he would do everything in his power to ruin it. I haven’t gone down that path. I totally think that any child needs a close relationship with Dad, but Son’s relationship with me is completely unhealthy. Dad originally left the marriage because it got in the way of dating (including my best friend) but Son knows nothing about it. I’m really close to laying it all out for him because I can’t stand the rejection from my son when I have always been there for him and Dad wrecked everything, including the fact that he has no siblings. Dad has filled in more and more only because Son is now older and more fun and circumstances have changed, including a change in financial situation through marriage. I do not try to compete with “more fun”. Son and I have huge fights because I will not tolerate rudeness and disrespect. That’s usually when I hear that I am hated and called the fancy name. I know I am doing the right thing: not competing with the “better” house, not tolerating attitude, recognising manipulation, etc. but Son is amazingly well behaved with all others, is captain of his teams and adored by everyone. It’s only behind closed doors with me that he acts like a complete loonie. He’s gone at the end of the week, unfortuately, and so everything is always left undone. The days he arrives and the days he leaves are always the worst, which could be predicted. I am pretty close to beating him.

]]> By: Heidi http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14336 Heidi Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:24:23 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14336 Hmm...very astute observations. I don't know if I would have been able to see it from the boy's perspective as you did...only would have sympathized with the poor mommy. It's amazing what becoming a mother does to one! A few years back I would have been sympathizing with the boy! Hmm…very astute observations. I don’t know if I would have been able to see it from the boy’s perspective as you did…only would have sympathized with the poor mommy. It’s amazing what becoming a mother does to one! A few years back I would have been sympathizing with the boy!

]]> By: Kristin http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14311 Kristin Mon, 24 Dec 2007 02:50:13 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14311 As the mother of 2 tween age boys I can tell you that the sulking-pouting-misery-is-my-middle-name 'tude is part and parcel... mine are still pretty nice because I don't tolerate the RUDE... but man, is it hard sometimes! As the mother of 2 tween age boys I can tell you that the sulking-pouting-misery-is-my-middle-name ‘tude is part and parcel… mine are still pretty nice because I don’t tolerate the RUDE… but man, is it hard sometimes!

]]> By: Sugared Harpy http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14294 Sugared Harpy Mon, 24 Dec 2007 00:26:47 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14294 I haven't really had this issue with the boys (yet), and they are 11 and 13. But I wonder if it's because I am aware that I am so past the point of picking out stuff for them, that I want them to have opinions about things, or just that they are maybe more gentle when they say they don't like something. They never say anything snotty about a suggestion, they just say, "No, thank you. How about THIS one? With the skulls?" I haven’t really had this issue with the boys (yet), and they are 11 and 13. But I wonder if it’s because I am aware that I am so past the point of picking out stuff for them, that I want them to have opinions about things, or just that they are maybe more gentle when they say they don’t like something.

They never say anything snotty about a suggestion, they just say, “No, thank you. How about THIS one? With the skulls?”

]]> By: Dana http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14262 Dana Sun, 23 Dec 2007 04:41:00 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14262 Oh...this is a beautifully written post -- it brought a tear to my eye. Mostly because my youngest brother often treats our mom this way -- and also because I worry that Dawson will turn out like this. I suppose it really isn't personal and I have to remember that. Oh…this is a beautifully written post — it brought a tear to my eye. Mostly because my youngest brother often treats our mom this way — and also because I worry that Dawson will turn out like this. I suppose it really isn’t personal and I have to remember that.

]]> By: angela http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14260 angela Sun, 23 Dec 2007 04:37:59 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14260 Ahh teenagers. I'm pretty sure I pulled that whole indifference card myself a time or two in those days. Ahh teenagers. I’m pretty sure I pulled that whole indifference card myself a time or two in those days.

]]> By: Linda http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14258 Linda Sun, 23 Dec 2007 04:15:16 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14258 That 15-year-old boy at Macy's is my son! Not literally, but the attitude is sure familiar -- and I think you nailed the reasons. Tonight, my hubby and I persuaded him to walk with us for a family time relaxing and checking out the neighborhood Christmas lights. After about fifteen minutes, our son decided to do his walking across the street from us! Some days he acts 30 years old, and other times he acts 10. As you say so well, that adolescent in-betweenness is "incredibly awkward and painful." But I have to say the "snow penis" post created a great mother-son bonding moment of doubling over in giggles! Thanks! :-) That 15-year-old boy at Macy’s is my son! Not literally, but the attitude is sure familiar — and I think you nailed the reasons. Tonight, my hubby and I persuaded him to walk with us for a family time relaxing and checking out the neighborhood Christmas lights. After about fifteen minutes, our son decided to do his walking across the street from us! Some days he acts 30 years old, and other times he acts 10. As you say so well, that adolescent in-betweenness is “incredibly awkward and painful.”

But I have to say the “snow penis” post created a great mother-son bonding moment of doubling over in giggles! Thanks! :-)

]]> By: Chick http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14234 Chick Sat, 22 Dec 2007 13:16:55 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14234 Right now my son thinks I'm the best thing since white ice cream and Pokemon. I'm not sure how he'll feel in a few years. I'm scared, actually. Right now my son thinks I’m the best thing since white ice cream and Pokemon.

I’m not sure how he’ll feel in a few years.

I’m scared, actually.

]]> By: Oh, The Joys http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14226 Oh, The Joys Sat, 22 Dec 2007 02:52:38 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14226 I think I am going to struggle like crazy during this phase. I'll get my feelings hurt for sure. I think I am going to struggle like crazy during this phase. I’ll get my feelings hurt for sure.

]]> By: ABunsLife http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14208 ABunsLife Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:29:28 +0000 http://midwesternmommy.com/2007/12/21/its-nothing-personal/#comment-14208 Since YOU are a great mom it won't be personal. Quit looking that far into the future and enjoy the cute lovable stage he is in now!!! Since YOU are a great mom it won’t be personal. Quit looking that far into the future and enjoy the cute lovable stage he is in now!!!

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