Midwestern Mommy » Dear Abbey

Dear Abbey

Posted on January 15, 2008
Filed Under abbey, humor |

Need some advice? Abbeydog answers all sorts of questions posted by a myriad of mammals. So if you (or the critters within your household) have a question, ask away in the comment section.

Dear Abbey,

How do I find a stylist that’s right for me?

– N in FL

Dear N,

This is a tough question indeed. I always say a good stylist is worth their weight in bacon. When I leave the PetCo salon, I am shiny, sassy and ready to take over everyone’s back yard. A good stylist should have some experience caring for your hair type. She should also be able to take your lifestyle into account as well as examine your scalp and make product recommendations. She should definitely provide a free bandanna afterwards. Nothing makes me feel more prancy than wearing an adorable bandanna.

Love and cold puppy noses — Abbey

Dear Abbey,

My husband and I have decided we don’t want any more children. A vasectomy has just been scheduled. Do you think this is a good idea?

– N in New Jersey

Dear N,

You know what they say, if you don’t want any more baby critters running around (whether they are of the two or four-legged variety) it is always a good idea to get your “pet” fixed. Plus, according to certain websites, neutering males makes them more affectionate companions. They are less likely to roam, get into fights, or run away with that slutty bitch (who ALWAYS seems to be in heat) a few doors down. But the downside? He may gain some weight afterwards. In that case, you may have to change how often you feed him.

Love and cold puppy noses — Abbey

Dear Abbey,

My teen loves to blast that god-awful rock music. It is horrid. What do you suggest?

–A, Michigan

Dear A,

I feel you on that one. Some of that stuff is just painful to listen to — especially for those of us with finely-tuned hearing. Have you ever heard that adage, “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?” The next time you hear all of that loud noise? Start howling along. The louder, the better. And if your beta pup has friends over? Sit outside his door and howl. He might yell at you but don’t be deterred. (But if he throws an old shoe at you, you have every right to leave a nice, steaming present outside his door, if ya know what I’m saying.) Eventually, he WILL “get” the message.

Love and cold puppy noses — Abbey

Comments

11 Responses to “Dear Abbey”

flutter on January 15th, 2008 10:23 pm

Abbey really is such a smart girl.
Rebecca on January 15th, 2008 11:40 pm

How’d Abbeydog get so smart? I wanna borrow her not just for her cuddles, but for her brains now too.
Elizabeth on January 16th, 2008 12:03 am

Thanks, Abbey! Sending you tummy rubs and liver treats
Mrs. Chicky on January 16th, 2008 2:04 am

Abbey is truly wise. All hail Abbey Dog!
Lisa on January 16th, 2008 8:53 am

Love and cold puppy noses — Abbey…I love it! Such sage advice from a pup!
Heidi on January 16th, 2008 11:26 am

Have your pet fixed == LOL. I’ll have to show my husband that. Thanks, Abbey!

Heidi
Linda on January 16th, 2008 1:07 pm

Abbey gives doggone good advice!
Alex Elliot on January 17th, 2008 1:55 am

Abbey, your advice is terrific! Perhaps we should all start asking our dogs for advice. I think it would be much better than say asking my MIL for advice.
VirtualSprite on January 17th, 2008 2:47 pm

Aaaww… Abbey is so wise. Can she come over and teach this to my mother’s schnauzer? Frosty Dog could definitely use some lessons in wisdom and common sense.

Love the “Beta Pup” reference to teenagers. I will have to use that.
http://midwesternmommy.com/2008/01/15/dear-abbey-2/ on March 19th, 2008 5:27 am

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Melissa on March 23rd, 2008 7:32 pm

Dear Abbey,
latley i have been so attached to my mom to the point were i cry durring school because i miss her so much. I dont know what to do about this what should i do?
also i have been under so much stress latley and i dont know what to do about that either its like its ruining my life. i am in dance at my school and our basketball team made it to championships and i should be happy for them but yet i am so mad that extra dance practice is being scheduled so we can perform at the games. I just want it to stop but i dont know how please help me asap i dont know what to do with my life anymore