Opps I did it again…
What kind of a moron goes to Walgreen’s to get cough syrup for herself, sees a big-ass box of Russell Stover’s chocolates, spends 10 minutes staring at the box trying not to buy it, then breaks down, buys it, gets home and realizes, “D’oh, forgot the cough syrup”. This moron ends up eating the entire box in three days, feels all bloated, gross and promises herself that she won’t ever do that again. (Ok. She won’t EVER do that again until Easter.)
And then? A week later? She goes to Walgreen’s again for cough syrup. Again, this moron stops at the candy aisle — the siren song of the Russell Stover’s candies impossible to resist. She stares for another 10 damn minutes. She buys the same big-ass box she bought last time. She goes home, starts eating and realizes, ”D’oh, forgot the cough syrup”. AGAIN! (cough, cough)
This would be that moron.* If you see her wandering around your neighborhood, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. She may seem normal enough but DO NOT let her in your house if you are harboring any sort of chocolate candies (or cosmopolitans). She’s had PMS for two weeks now. Her will power ain’t that great. Fortunately for you, she’s not dangerous. And she’s not real bright. She is easily distracted. If you find her in your home, mention that your family is still highly contagious after a violent bout with a stomach bug. Or ask if she could babysit your six kids for a minimum of 12 hours tomorrow. You’d be dropping off your kids at 5.a.m. She will most likely run out of your house so fast, you’ll just see a blur** of blond hair*** and track pants.
*Last summer, this moron took 25 pics of herself before she got a pic that made her big nose not seem so ginormous. This was that ”lucky shot.” She usually looks sort of scruffy and homeless.
**Ok. It won’t really be a blur because she’s a slow runner.
***Partially blond. The woman REALLY needs to make an appointment to fix the old highlights.
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By cagey, February 9, 2008 @ 3:02 pm
We are supposed to laugh, right? Right?
By mrs mogul, February 9, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
That was a funny post. I am good, Maybe too good as I deny myself chocolates etc. WHAT A MORON I AM!!
By HollowSquirrel, February 9, 2008 @ 3:52 pm
I was totally with you until you mentioned your “hideous big nose” or something like that. What? I’ve MET you. Your nose is a far cry from hideous or big or ginormous. It’s cute and fits your ridiculously gorgeous face. So..with that, I must conclude you are certifiably cah-raaazzeeeee.
By Beth, February 9, 2008 @ 7:14 pm
Lady, you crack me up. I feel for ya. I nearly got pulled out of my office this morning by a six-pack of little chocolate-covered donuts that were calling my name from three miles away at the Wonderbread store.
Just for your own protection - DO NOT let yourself go near Walgreens on February 15. I do not need to explain why.
;-)~
By candygirlflies, February 9, 2008 @ 7:47 pm
Ah, to hell with it. I’d just tackle you for the chocolate, and eat it all myself. I’m a good friend that way.
xo CGF
**burp**
By MammaLoves, February 10, 2008 @ 2:21 am
There is no way to count the many ways that I love you!!
And your nose? It’s not even something that I ever noticed. You do not have a big nose!! Of course, I’m going to completely stare at it now.
By Lisa, February 10, 2008 @ 3:56 am
mmmmm *chocolate* mmmmm
maybe you should dye your hair red or sumthin??
By Alissa, February 11, 2008 @ 12:29 am
haha
I would let you in, candies or not.
Would you like me to send you some cough medicine? ‘Cause I have plenty these days…
By Shannon, February 11, 2008 @ 1:36 am
Um… was I going to make a comment here? The timer just went off and my brownies are done…
By Marriage-101, February 11, 2008 @ 4:03 am
Bwahaha! I totally thought you were kidding. Your chocolate weakness rivals my own. Now I’m debating breaking into this Hershey’s Pot of Gold that I’ve had sitting in my office, wrapped as a Christmas present for my grandma that I forgot to give to her…
By Rebekah, February 11, 2008 @ 2:12 pm
Mine is not Russel Stover. It’s those darn Cadbury Eggs!!
By Michelle DePew, February 11, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
If I see you in the candy isle, I will share. I read this entry, giggled and realized it was something I would do…
Thanks for sharing. BTW, the photo is great..
By Alexandra, February 11, 2008 @ 3:02 pm
Hilarious!!
Cute pic!
By jaelithe, February 11, 2008 @ 4:14 pm
I, too, would gladly sacrifice my hips for the sake of friendship, and take the chocolate from you to eat myself. (Assuming you get dark chocolate, that is.)
You can always mix rum and honey to make cough syrup, you know. But chocolate candies are much harder to make at home.
It sounds to me like you need a girls’ night out.
By Susan, February 11, 2008 @ 4:59 pm
That is a bad chocolate addiction! LOL! Big nose?!? Puhleeze! That’s a great picture!
By Julie, February 11, 2008 @ 8:19 pm
That, my friend, is hilarious. I would totally forget the cough syrup, too. And I would totally do it twice. HA!
By Liz, February 11, 2008 @ 9:27 pm
You’re so NOT an idiot - everybody knows that chocolate makes EVERYTHING better - and don’t even get me started on noses!!!
By angela, February 12, 2008 @ 2:52 am
I’m sure the chocolate medicated you much better than any dumb old cough syrup would.
By Linda, February 12, 2008 @ 5:32 am
Your pic looks great and your nose is fine!
Meanwhile, I’m back from a torrid encounter with three well-endowed chocolate truffles…
By krissy, February 12, 2008 @ 1:39 pm
I’m that kind of moron too!
I’ve done that before……many, many times!!!
Chocolate is way better for your body then cough syrup though!
By Dana, February 12, 2008 @ 5:36 pm
For crying out loud, you don’t look scruffy and homeless nor do you have a big nose. You always look tailored and well-manicured, woman.
By christina_the_wench, February 12, 2008 @ 7:06 pm
Girl, stop it. You’re beautiful and you know adn so do we readers. Even with those chocolate-covered hands and dark roots. And I squinted to see the big nose. Where is it????
I blame Walgreen’s. Go to CVS instead. They may have better chocol, er cough syrup.
By emmasometimes, February 12, 2008 @ 8:25 pm
So, did “she” ever get cough syrup or was the sugar high enough?
(Found you through Stolen Moments)
By Alex Elliot, February 12, 2008 @ 11:29 pm
That chocolate would not have made it three days in my house!
By Amber, February 12, 2008 @ 11:33 pm
There is nothing hideous about that perky little nose of yours. Chocolate happens to be your vice de choix. I happen to walk out of the store with Twizzlers in hand, completing forgetting my shopping list….
By Lori, February 13, 2008 @ 2:21 am
You are beautiful, Lisa! And I think that you resemble Beverly D’Angelo in that particular photo…and she is a gorgeous, sexy lady indeed!
By Zookeeper, February 13, 2008 @ 6:53 pm
That pretty lady in the picture looks harmless enough. And believe me; I wouldn’t have a problem asking her to babysit my kids either. Actually, I probably wouldn’t want to subject her to that kind of treatment. But I would have her over for coffee. We could even have chocolate too!
By mamatulip, February 13, 2008 @ 9:37 pm
You crack me UP!
By Wickedauntie, February 13, 2008 @ 10:55 pm
I so can relate to that one. I’m not even all that big on candy in general, but it’s the licorice bears at CVS that get me. One time I got myself all in a knot over whether or not I should buy the bears that I did indeed forget to pick up my prescription. And seeing as I mainly go there to pick up my meds that help regulate blood sugar, this is clearly a conflict of interest. I’ve had to start getting my presciptions at the Walgreens two miles out of my way because they don’t carry those stupid, cheap-ass, no-one-else-even-likes-them-because-they’re-licorice-but-I-can’t-help-it-I-need-them bears.
CVS sucks.
You rule.
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