I know I promised to post the winner of the drawing on Thursday. But this week has been on filled with some intense sinus headaches as well as me “sucking it up” and taking care of business anyway. Last night I was up with a sick little boy. He’s still not back to normal. 

I feel like I’ve just been through some sort of emotional hazing. This past week, in the midst of nasty headaches and getting things done, the boy has seemed even more emotionally needy and restless. By 7 each night, I was feeling as if I was thiseverlovingclose to losing my sanity.

Of course there’s more affecting my mood. I’m tired and saddened by so many things I can’t speak of involving my marriage. You know what I’d really like? Some respect. Some kindness. I’d like my husband to put our family before his work every now and again. I’d like for him to come home from work before 7:30 most nights. And when he’s home, I’d like for him to take more interest in our son than he does in the tv and his computer. I’d like for him to not act as if he’s done me the favor of a lifetime just because he put the boy to bed after I begged him to. He can keep the empty promises and pretty words. A little gesture to show me he values me would be lovely. 

Early, early in the morning, once Seth was finally asleep, I wrote him an e-mail begging him to come home between 4-5 tonight because I’m utterly fried. He said he would. It would be really nice if he’d actually done so. But he arrived home about 6:15 p.m. instead. Of course there are excuses. There always are. 

You know what would also be nice? If he’d have come home by 7 p.m. last night so we could have a family dinner. But of course, he “couldn’t get away” from his meeting so he came home about 9 p.m. instead. I didn’t expect a gift or even a card for Valentine’s Day, although I did do something special for him and our son. But coming home at a decent time would have been nice. Am I asking too much?

Come April, it will be 9 years of this stuff. I’m tired of feeling so alone in our marriage. I’m tired of fighting for it. I’m tired of trying (for years) to explain my perspective only to have him refuse to see any of it. I feel hopeless and heartbroken.

Sorry for the spiel. I just wanted to let you know that I don’t have the heart or energy to post a winner. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.