Eruption
Saturday morning began unlike most. I’d gone to bed hazy, tired and emotionally drained the night before. I awoke intensely angry, tired and on edge. I snapped at my son and simmered in anger. My head pounded, so I fetched a fountain soda. (It seems to work sometimes.) When I got back home, my son was upstairs talking to his father. He stood out in the hallway when he heard me open the door.
“Daddy says you’re really selfish for only getting yourself something and nothing for us,” he said.
It was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. At that point, I felt so angry I’m surprise my head didn’t explode. Although that would have been quite messy, it definitely would have spared both men of the house the tirade I unleashed.
I stomped up the stairs. “Do you WANT to talk about SELFISHNESS?” I screamed at my husband. “DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GO THERE?”
Suffice to say, I unleashed a very strongly worded monologue in a very sharp tone about how I felt and why. Ideas were exchanged in a nonconstructive, hurtful way. Our perspectives on a number of instances were vastly different.
You know what they say. There’s three sides to every story. There’s my side, your side, and the truth.
After a bit of time, we calmed down and really talked. We worked through the hurt and frustration. The bottom line is I need more from him — more support, more kind gestures and for him to be more emotionally involved. He’s a good man. He works hard to provide for our family. We have a comfortable home and life. Seth has some amazing opportunities. This is all because of HIS efforts, brain, ambition and talent. But most women will agree — financial support isn’t the be all and end all. We need more from our partners.
We ended our fight with concessions. We made sure to let Seth know we weren’t upset with him. We still love each other and we worked things out.
I went about the rest of the day cleaning, paying bills, running errands and feeling even more emotionally haggered than I had felt Friday night.
Then Seth’s BFF came over to spend the night. We’d promised them a trip to Seth’s most favorite place in the world - the City Museum.
“I can tell you’re tired and don’t feel good. You’ve had a rough week. Why don’t you stay home and watch chick flicks while I take these boys to the City Museum,” he offered.
I took him up on his offer. “I don’t know if I’ll even be awake long enough to watch anything,” I said. “But thanks. I need some quiet time.”
He hugged me and whispered sweet words – a healing balm for my battered soul.
I watched them leave. Relief washed over me.
We live. We learn. We love. We hurt. When we forgive, we grow. And then we do it all over again, tomorrow.
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By flutter, February 17, 2008 @ 4:02 am
that’s what it’s about, isn’t it?
By Sarah, February 17, 2008 @ 4:04 am
*sigh*
This entry made me cry. After yesterday’s hurt-filled, sad entry, it was nice to see this one and feel a bit of love.
(That neck-kicking offer still stands, though.)
By Farrell, February 17, 2008 @ 4:16 am
He was wrong to bring up your supposed “selfishness” in front of YOUR SON.
I hope everything really did work out and that he keeps at it.
Marriage sucks.
*hug*
By Marriage-101, February 17, 2008 @ 4:31 am
Sometimes stuff just has to come to a head and explode before it can heal. Sort of like a pimple.
By MammaLoves, February 17, 2008 @ 5:10 am
Marriage-1o1 beat me too it. I was going to say sometimes it feels so much better after you pop that zit. You might have a scab, but the pressure is gone.
I’m sorry it came to that, but it sounds like he might have heard you.
By Cheryl, February 17, 2008 @ 11:37 am
Yeah. I’m sitting here with a bouquet of gerber daisies my husband bought for me as a healing balm to the uproar that happened in our house yesterday afternoon. We talked through everything, and the fight is over, but the total exhaustion, fatigue and battle-worn numbness isn’t. Ugh. It was at the point where every word out of his mouth was spun around in my head and turned into a negative, and I hate when my head does that.
I’m still reeling. I’m glad to hear that it gets better.
By abunslife, February 17, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
I sending you a great big hug. I hope he really heard you this time and that things get better. You deserve it. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. You need to do that more often.
**hugs**
By Alissa, February 17, 2008 @ 6:20 pm
Sorry that had to happen, but sometimes it just HAS to so you can get past and get on with things. It is too bad that he felt the need to place Seth in the middle of things–I hate when DH does that with my kids.
((hugs))
By Wisconsin Mommy, February 17, 2008 @ 8:54 pm
Valentine’s Day sure does seem to bring out either the best or the worst in those hubbys. Some years it brings out both at the same time! Must be all the pressure???
By Heidi, February 17, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
I am so glad that you guys got to talk.
Ok, so it wasn’t handled in the best way possible - but really, how many arguments are?
Regardless, lesson learned, right?
Of course, Seth will be fine…better probably, since you’ll be feeling better. Hopefully DH will leave him out of it in the future and will pay a little more attention to your emotional needs on a day-to-day basis. And now that you’ve done it once, you won’t need to wait until you’re so hurt to discuss it (or whatever else comes up) next time.
Oh, and just a warning :), if your husband is like mine (ahem…male), it will be great for a while and then he’ll slip back a bit…that two steps forward, one and a half back routine. But it usually only takes a reminder to get him to step up again…and since we’ve already had the big discussion I don’t feel the need to wait until I’m ready to toss him into the Thames before I let him know that I’m hurt or angry.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself, girl. Like I said before, your needs are just as important - or moreso - than everyone else’s. Because everybody knows: if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!
Thinking good thoughts for your fam. I hope you get some peaceful rest.
By Ree, February 17, 2008 @ 11:41 pm
Yay! Looks like you woke him up babe. Sometimes, no matter how hard it hurts, it’s what it takes.
By krissy, February 18, 2008 @ 12:42 am
We’ve all been there a time or two (or three or four!)
It’s okay to show emotions and fights in front of your children, especially when you make up! It teaches them to stand up for what is right but also to say forgiviness when needed!!!
It still sucks though! We all know it and trust me, I’ve considered drop kicking my hubby a time o two (or three or four!)
Watch a funny show….no chick flicks! Watch “Scrubs” or
“Bruce Almighty” or something that makes you giggle. America’s Funniest Home Videos are my fav show when I need a pick me up!
By Julie, February 18, 2008 @ 1:45 am
Good for you, taking him up on his offer. I probably would have been all, “no, I’m fine” and then later really regretted it and been upset about it.
I hope things continue to improve. I’m reading.
By HollowSquirrel, February 18, 2008 @ 1:53 am
I’m glad you blew your stack, girly, and that your husband took the boys to the museum and recognized that you were SERIOUS and not just having a bad day. Hope you enjoyed a relaxing evening, sweetheart.
By jaelithe, February 18, 2008 @ 2:38 am
Sometimes you just have to let the ugly out.
I hope things continue to get better.
By christina_the_wench, February 18, 2008 @ 6:55 pm
I am envious. Preacher man would have just ignored the fact that I had more on my plate than I could handle. He sucks like that.
Hope you feel better. *gentle hug*
By Sugared Harpy, February 18, 2008 @ 9:26 pm
Oh so teary over here. Thank you for sharing. I am glad you remarked back to him, if for nothing than the conversation it brought. That’s a good marriage to me, when you can talk and understand, care, and then do something about it.
By Rebecca, February 19, 2008 @ 3:34 am
i’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and what you deserve. we’re all here supporting you.
By Lisa, February 19, 2008 @ 1:11 pm
we had a similar chat last night but without the yelling. He still doesn’t see (usually) there is more to marriage/family then bringing home a paycheck. They get to sit and watch tv at night but we are still running aorund finishing dishes, packing lunches, kisses good night, etc. It NEVER ends for us. Acknowledgement from them would go a long way. I am not saying my job is harder than his….just different.
I am with you. Hoep you have a better week.
By Suebob, February 19, 2008 @ 6:23 pm
I’m glad you got to say what you needed to say. All part of the process of growing and learning…Hug.
By Heidi, February 19, 2008 @ 7:55 pm
What a beautiful post! I LOVE the last paragraph. I should post that on my wall, to remind me!
Thanks for sharing!
Heidi
PS: Fast load today. Woo-hoo!
By Susan, February 19, 2008 @ 10:14 pm
I’m glad you got your feelings out. Blowing your top is sometimes the only way you can get their attention. I hope he “hears” you and doesn’t give you empty promises this time. You deserve nothing less but the best.
By Christina, February 19, 2008 @ 10:18 pm
I’m glad you were able to finally get your feelings out, even if it did erupt into a big fight. It takes a lot of strength to make yourself vulnerable by laying all of your feelings out like that.
I hope he took those feelings to heart and will give you more of what you need. Maybe this fight was the start of a new era for the two of you?
By Isabel, February 19, 2008 @ 11:21 pm
I’ll be the first to say that marriage is hard. Darn hard. But I’m glad you guys really talked and that you feel good about it!
By Michelle DePew, February 20, 2008 @ 5:07 pm
What a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing.
did you watch any chick flicks?? I am always looking for a good one. On those rare days when I get that much needed time to myself.
BTW - the City Mus. ROCKS.
By gina, February 20, 2008 @ 11:15 pm
I am with you!! Great that you talked and worked things out. I’m pretty sure that most of us go through the same or similar situations, mine is worst somehow, since talking is a bit difficult. Here are only one side of the story… his, his, and his… However the joy to be married is great. When we have all those good moments, family moments, relaxed moments… it’s all worth it.
By Amber, February 21, 2008 @ 1:02 am
I think we have all been there. Where would we be without forgiveness? With a whole lot more divorces, that is where. I know so many people who just cannot get past so many of life’s everyday differences. And while it is oftentimes painful, swallowing our pride brings us so much closer in the end.
GREAT post, dearie!
By Oh, The Joys, February 21, 2008 @ 9:04 pm
Catching up…
It just sounds hard, Lisa.
I don’t have the right words or any answers, but I’m thinking of you.
xo,
J
By girl, February 24, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
amen sista, amen.
By becky, February 25, 2008 @ 8:56 pm
i can’t tell you how mad it makes me when matt has a problem with something i did to/with hannah and says it in front of her so that she feels he’s taking her side. that was totally wrong of him. i’m glad yall worked it out though. its tough sometimes!