True or False?
Posted on October 20, 2008
Filed Under honey, parenting |
You get to know quite a bit about the inner-workings of other households when you host a playdate or volunteer in the school classroom. Kids have no filter when it comes to sharing. And they are happy to share all sorts of stories. Sometimes it makes you giggle: “Dad’s sick today. Mom told grandma he has ’brown bottle flu’.” Sometimes you feel a bit overloaded with TMI: “I found some wierd stick that buzzes in my mommy’s nightstand drawer.” But I always take what kids say with a truckload of salt.
I’m sure Seth is no different. He loves to share. So let me dispose of a few truths and myths while you’re reading. Just in case you happen to be a parent or teacher who’s interacted with my son in any way.
* “Mommy thinks Daddy has a whole other family in Dallas!” When Marc starts traveling alot to one particular place, I’ll joke about how he’s going out to visit his other wife and kids. I don’t really think he’s got any other spawn or wives. I don’t think he has that kind of energy.
* “I don’t know where my Daddy was last night. He didn’t come home today.” This is true YET false. No, Marc wasn’t out all night carousing. He travels for work. And when Seth asks me what city Daddy’s in, half the time, I can’t remember. The trips all start to blend together. As long as I can reach the hubs via cell phone whenever I need to, I don’t ask him much more than, “When are you coming home?”
* “Daddy likes to wear pink lacy underwear.” I’m pretty sure this is ENTIRELY FALSE. Course I’ve never asked Marc. But since I’ve never seen pink underwear in his drawer and none of my panties are stretched out, I’m guessing he’d say “no.” Seth loves to singsong that phrase and thinks the word “underwear” is funny. He also thinks a boy dressed in any sort of girl clothes is funny. So the idea of a boy wearing pink lacey underwear? Absolutely hysterical!
* “Daddy made me a margarita last night. It was awesome!” Marc gave the boy a bit of the mix, (NOT the alcohol) then told Seth he had a kid’s margarita. Seth seemed proud of this.
* “Mommy takes ALOT of pills!”This is sort of true. I take meds for allergies. Oh and I also take a daily multivitamin and calcium supplement.
* “Last night I helped Mom beat our dog.” We love our old lady Abbeydog. This used to be a joke between Marc and me. Then Seth picked up on it. When we say, “I’m going to go beat the dog,” it means we’re going to give her a few quick pats.
* “My mom spanks me all of the time.” You know the “baseball butt-pat”? When either of my men leave, I’ll kiss them goodbye. As they turn their backs to me, I’ll give them the “baseball butt-pat”. A “baseball butt-pat” means “I love you. Now go get ‘em tiger!”
What are some of the phrases you’ve heard from kids? Do tell!
The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the scary ordeal is no longer “scary” nor an “ordeal”.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.
So thanks to Michelle, Nannette, Mn, Shash, Lisa, Lauren, Mrs. G, Goteeman, Carla, Teresa, Wisconsin Mommy, Manic Mommy, Candace, Melissa, Violet, Christine, A Cowboy’s Wife, Fairly Odd Mother, Magpie, and Mom in the City.
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We were recently camping with our great dane, and some friends with a two year old daughter. When the big dog got near her she would scream “Eat me” at him.
Oy
Those are all hilarious! I have no idea what Jake spews out at school….now I am a little concerned…. Maybe I will find out at our parent/teacher conference later this week!
I teach writing to kids eight to seventeen. You would not BELIEVE the stuff I hear.
My current favorite:
My mom doesn’t do anything…she’s such a lush.
Yikes. I just pretend I don’t hear and change the subject fastly.
We used to say we were going to “drop them on their heads” when it was time to put them in a crib. Not sure how we go that. We also say it is “time for a beating” whe we horseplay.
HAhahah! Those are hilarious! I would love to see the look on his teacher’s face if any of those ever came out.
My hubby and I are always telling the boys we are going to beat them. They think beatings are tickling and sometimes when we are in the grocery store the boys will say, “Mom, are you gonna beat me?” It is hysterical. Until the police knock on my door.
oh, I really haven’t heard all that much interesting, which is odd considering I work at a preschool
Well….I watch what I say around my son, who is 5 1/2, because he too, likes to “share”. Luckily, I have nothing horrific to share…. yet.
Very cute post!
“I went to court yesterday and now my last name is not ______, it’s _____ ’cause mom dumped her husband!”
True story from the mouth of a first-grader.
I have no stories like this because of my lack of children. However, my old boss said one time his adorable, super-intelligent child wrote a story for school about things she liked about her daddy. One was that “I like it when Daddy says come here my little princess and let me spank you well.”
Never happened, but I can only imagine what the teacher was thinking. Kids!
“beat the dog” just sounds like a euphemism for something….um, euphemistic.
you know what? Ignore me, I am an idiot
That’s too funny! I often wonder what my kids are saying when I’m not around. And then I realize that I probably don’t want to know!
TOO funny. My kids use to go around they drank wine all the time. They’d tell their friends that their church was fun because they let kids drink wine and stuff….
These are the perils of being witty around our kids. I’m sure the rewards will be well worth it when they have an awesome sense of humor later in life.
My daughter once told someone at daycare that I beat her all the time. At some point when she was about two years old, I told her I was gonna get her, meaning I was going to come and tickle her, but I had a horrible sinus infection, so to her it sounded like I said I was going to beat her. My husband thought it was funny, so it kinda became our saying. Beating = tickling. Funny, yes. Easy to explain away to a teacher in a conference…not so much.
I went to pick my son up from day care one day and when I walked in the classroom, the teachers all stopped and looked at me. The lead teacher handed me a paper my son, who was three at the time, had helped make. They asked the kids to finish the sentence “I love my mommy because…”. His response was “she puts soap in my mouth.”
I explained that I don’t put soap in his mouth and I would get back to them.
It took a while, as you can imagine, to get information from a three year old, but finally the conversation had a happy ending.
Me - What soap?
Him - That blue soap.
Me - You mean the toothpaste?
Him - Yeah!
LOVE this post. Out of the mouths of babes - I think as moms, we understand this more than non-moms. And that is not meant to be condescending to non-moms. It’s just that…seeing as how we live it daily…we know there’s more to the story.
YOu cracked me up today. Thankyou.
Daniel, kindergarten. I am at the time a blackjack dealer and his father is a police officer.
“My mom is a dealer and my daddy shoots people.”
I use to teach 2nd and 3rd grade and I heard quite a bit (more than parents would like to know):) My favorite funny moment was when the kids had do draw a picture of their favorite things…we then hung them on the wall for parent open house. One parent came running to get me and was giggling. They then pointed out one of the pictures….one of the boys had drawn a picture of a bug and wrote…”I love incest”. OOPS
Of course I left it up there 
I discovered your blog during the “scary ordeal” and had not checked back in a while. I stopped by today, and fell in love with this post! I am a former kindergarten teacher, and Oh My the things kids say! Among my favorite conversations would be:
“I’m going commando… my mom and I do it all the time” - this was said after one of my precious students had a little accident in his pants at recess. I tried to get him to go to the school nurse to get a spare pair of clean undies, but he insisted that he go “commando”!
too funny! also: YIKES!
Ah…out of the mouths of babes.
When my son was 11, he was going through the D.A.R.E. class at school. One evening while in the check out lane in the grocery store….out of the blue he loudly announced ‘My Mom does drugs!’
My jaw hit the floor while people around me were giving me the evil eye.
Yup. I was completely strung out on vitamins and ibuprofen.
I cringe to think what he could be coming up with. We tickle and play and scare each other for fun that I can only imagine!!
Yours were so very funny!
Loved this post!
Years ago when my boys were in Little League (they are in their 20’s now with kids of their own) I was having severe back pains. It hurt so bad to walk that I had to crawl to the bathroom. One time, after crawling for what seemed like 15 mins. I get in there, manage to sit down and then started feeling light headed. The next thing I knew I was laying face down on the floor with my panties around my ankles and my kids standing in the doorway with terror-stricken faces. I had fallen on my face and broke my nose so it was bleeding. Well, I went to the E.R. and they had a hoot because I “passed-out and fell off the toilet”. But the boys went to their games and told everyone that mom had to crawl to the bathroom and then fell off the toilet and broke her nose. I was so embarassed! We still talk about that
I thought my son asked me if pregnant women were negative…he corrected me and asked “are pregnant women NAG-ative?”
If I remember correctly, i was, but I’m not sure how he knows that.
Wonderful post! I can’t remember any right now. If I ever do….I’ll post about it and give you credit for the idea!
Seth is adorable.
Out of the mouths of babes….sigh…..
Mine are getting so old…..
Hugs!!!
I hate the true ones, like when my son yells out the window to his friends, “We’ll be out in a minute - my mom’s pooping.”