Long, Long, Journey
When Seth was around preschool age and he’d get upset, we’d often try to sort out the matter by talking, snuggling and rocking. Once he’d calm down he’d burrow his face into my chest. (I know! Insert your own “motorboat” joke here.) In his words, he was “wipin’ ob-fff da ca-wi-yin.” (”Wiping off the crying” if you don’t understand the toddler dialect.) Once accomplished, all was fine. It was as if a dried face was the emotional equivalent to a clean slate. He was ready to start anew.
So last week when I found I had miscarried, I cried. Alot.
I have learned the hard way that when I feel utterly depleted, I just need to be left alone for a few hours. If I try to continue on with the daily chaos of life, that feeling intensifies and it takes longer for me to pull myself out of that pit. Thankfully, I have a very wise husband who understands this and gives me that space when I need it.
So last Friday night Marc came home and took care of our son while I had my alone time. After a few hours, I decided I had cried enough. I know I’m very fortunate. I’ve got a healthy little boy, wonderful friends and family. I’ve taken quite a bit of solace in those these things. I also realized I need to take better care of myself (less sweets and soda, more water and walks) than I had been before this surprise pregnancy.
So I took a page out of my little guy’s book. I “wiped ob-ffed da ca-wi-yin” that night and looked at Saturday as a clean slate. There are still moments where my eyes start to water and my heart breaks all over again. I “wipe off the cryin’” when I need to then try to focus on the future. I’m moving forward, slowly, but alas I’m beginning to heal.
The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the scary ordeal is no longer “scary” nor an “ordeal”.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone. So thanks to: Mama Geek, Jo, Jordan, Nicole, Kelli, Jen, Isis23, Jenn, Laurie, Nancy R, Stacie, Amalie, Farrell,Imstell, Nonlinear Girl, Debra, Jessica, Candygirlflies, and Diana.
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By kimmer, February 6, 2009 @ 3:38 am
You are one of the strongest people I know!
By flutter, February 6, 2009 @ 4:26 am
love you
By Farrell, February 6, 2009 @ 4:26 am
Everyone grieves in their own way, and in their own time. I’m glad you were and are able to do that. If you need to be alone, that is what you need to cope. But we’ll all be here for you when you want to come out of your room:)
*hugs*
By Linda, February 6, 2009 @ 4:46 am
Sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing, by treating yourself ever so gently. I am glad to hear Marc understands your needs and is being supportive.
If there were an easy roadmap out of grief, it would sell a million copies…
Healing hugs from my corner of the mommy blogosphere.
By Jakki, February 6, 2009 @ 2:28 pm
You are amazing and an inspiration. I pray for your peace and your family.
By Cereal Dieter, February 6, 2009 @ 8:36 pm
It’s wonderful that you have such a supportive husband. Grieving is such a personal thing, it’s different for everyone. I’m just glad that you are able to grieve the way that you need to.
{{{Hugs}}}
By Mirinda, February 6, 2009 @ 9:33 pm
((((HUGS)))) I think I said more than I probably needed to when I emailed you last week (I tend to “talk” a bit!) but just know I’m still thinking and praying for you.
By Daisy, February 7, 2009 @ 1:21 am
Sending you virtual hugs and lots of tissue to help wipe off the cryin’. You are taking good care of yourself.
By Kathleen, February 7, 2009 @ 2:31 am
you know my door is always open… all be it several states away.
Take comfort in knowing Roo is playing with my mom, who takes wonderful care of all the babies who come her way. I have total faith in that, esp after my patient saw her.
hugs.
By Traceytreasure, February 8, 2009 @ 5:20 am
I wish I had the right words. Words fail me now. I just hope you know that you are in my thoughts and I think about you often. I’m here if you need anything. And, I mean anything!!
Big hugs and love, T
By mayberry, February 10, 2009 @ 3:23 am
I so know how you feel, and am glad you’re feeling better. I tend to have a little cry in bed at night after everyone else is asleep.
By dysfunctional mom, February 11, 2009 @ 9:45 am
I didn’t know, I’m way behind…I’m so, so sorry.
xoxo
By Kim, February 11, 2009 @ 9:17 pm
Crying can be very cathartic, so you do what you gotta do.
I’m always here for you.
By Isabel, February 13, 2009 @ 4:10 pm
I really wish I had something magical to say that would make all the pain go away. But I don’t. All I can say is that I’m sorry.
By Beth, March 3, 2009 @ 1:17 pm
Hugs to you.
By Carrie, March 4, 2009 @ 10:45 pm
This did not come thru on my reader until today…I am so sorry, you know I am.
And I think we all need to do a little “wipin off da cryin” from time to time, in our own ways. I’m glad your family understand what you need, and I’m glad you’re looking forward. Big hugs friend, big hugs.
By repair denture, May 16, 2011 @ 7:48 am
I’m still learning from you, while I’m trying to achieve my goals. I certainly enjoy reading all that is written on your site.Keep the stories coming. I enjoyed it!