I know this is late but… The Rofl awards are back, thanks to Oh the Joys and Chicky, Chicky Baby. If you haven’t seen their list yet, take a look. But don’t forget to read the one I nominated from Hola Isabel on her recent vacation at a nudist resort.  

Speaking of vacays… I’ve been out of town for a few days. (Hence lateness of this ROLF mention.) Vegas to be exact. Its been awhile since I’ve been to Vegas (at least ten years) and even then it was for work. So this experience has been much different. There are things I couldn’t help but notice…

* Do women have to have boobs a certain size before they let you into this city? Seriously. The locals, tourists… almost every woman has big chi-chi’s, be them store bought or real. (If so, how did I get in?)

* Saw the “Blue Man Group”. Very clever, creative and cool. I can see why they are so popular. Throughout most of the show I thought, “Seth would think this is the coolest thing ever!” and “If Seth saw BMG, he’d want to be one of them for Halloween!”  Suffice to say, its not just a show, its an experience.

*”The Blue MOM Group”. Between all of the great parentbloggers out there, we could put all kinds of funny material together. Who’s with me now?

*The hotel we’re staying in ROCKS. Newly built and purty.

*You can easily spend $100 on alcohol for two people in less than a day’s time. That sounds like alot of booze but… If you and the hubs have a drink by the pool in the afternoon, a drink at dinner, and later a few at a club? And those drinks are anywhere from $14-16 a piece not including tip? Oy.

* You know that scene in Sound of Musicwhere Maria makes the Von Trapp children play clothes out of her bedroom drapes? We went to a club where girls (in their early 20’s wearing outfits that looked as if they were made up of a few strands of shiney, black dental floss) were dancing on little round stages that looked like big tree stumps. While wearing jeans and a short-sleeve shirt, I had a “Maria Moment” where I felt strongly compelled to turn my pair of jeans into outfits for all seven of the teeny, tiny go-go girls. (Being that these girls are size 0 to 00, it really would only take one pant leg!)

*My husband and I danced next to two of these girls. I told him, “Enjoy it now. This is as close to a threesome as you’ll ever get.” 

*Oh and a bouncer of the club we went to Sunday night? Used to live in a town right next to the ours. Small world. Eh?

 It has been a great trip thus far. But I’m missing my little boy. He’s my home. And with him is where I belong.

The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the scary ordeal is no longer “scary” nor an “ordeal”.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.

So thanks to Mom 101, Jeannette, Hol, Jennifer, Lin, Mrs. Chicken, Cynematic, MMP, Maracee, Debbie, Jan, Jen, Queen of Spain, Slouching Mom, Tami, Megan, Kirsten, and Sarah.

At first glance she seemed to be an ordinary mom shopping for candy. But something made me give her a second look. When I realized who she was, I shook with anger. I hightailed it out of Target. I had to. (Or else I’d be at the police right now being charged with battery.)

At first, she appears charming, well-spoken, and sweet. But over time, she leaves a swath of emotional destruction in her wake. No one who’s in her life for long remains unaffected. And years ago, after witnessing, and at times being a victim of her manipulating, toxic behavior, Marc and I cut her out of our lives.  

She doesn’t realize I’m privy to a number of stunts she’s pulled over the years. I’ll give you a few in bullet points:

*Three weeks before my wedding, my husband was working on a project out of town. She told him that he should lie to me and tell me he couldn’t come home that weekend because he needed to stay on the project site. She told him if he paid for her plane ticket, she’d go to where he was and “f*ck his brains out all weekend long.” All this while acting as if she was my best friend and offering to help me with my wedding stuff! (And no he didn’t.) I had no idea of her duplicity at this time. And I didn’t find this out until a few years ago. She was always trying to start sh*t up between the hubs and me. She’d do it so smoothly and subtly. 

*When 9/11 took place, I was working for her mom. As my coworkers and I watched the towers collapse, she watched too. And then she bitched about what it would do to her financial portfolio.

*She has a police record for beating a boyfriend with a hockey stick.

*After she got gastric bypass surgery and slimmed down, she started cheating on this same guy — a man who’d stayed with her for years through thick and thin (literally AND figuratively). She moved his stuff out of her place on a Wednesday and moved new boyfriend’s stuff two days later. New boyfriend became husband.  Which brings me to my next story…

*Last I heard, she was cheating on her husband with an ex-boyfriend. In fact she loved to arrange double dates — her and her husband with ex-boyfriend and his wife.

*She has sold purses and clothes on Ebay, advertising them as high-end designer brands like Coach and Juicy Couture. When people got the items, they’d realize they purchased low-quality fakes. When Ebay took away her account due to customer complaints, she went into an Ebay account of one of her mom’s employees and set up shop there doing the same thing. She has ripped off friends and family this way too.

I could go on and on.  And yes, now she has children. 

I used to pity her. But at one point, I got disgusted. We changed e-mails, moved, got a new phone number, got new cell numbers. But seeing her face today, I felt anger for the countless people she’s screwed over the years. I wanted to scream at her on behalf of the people who gave her their trust only to have her stab them in the back. I wanted to let everyone in Target know what kind of person she is.

But I didn’t. I found it prudent to leave the store.

I find it interesting. Out of all of the places to live in St. Louis area, she now lives about three minutes from us. 

The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the scary ordeal is no longer “scary” nor an “ordeal”.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.

So thank you to: (Rose) Its My Life, Senorita Mommy, T with Honey, Marie, Michelle, Desiree, Victoria, Karianna, KGirl, Feral Mom, Jodi, Liz, Days Go By, Mommy Mae, Megan, Stimey, Danielle, Mandee, and Karen Sugarpants.

Last night the hubs and I, along with several supafun couples, spent the evening at an amazing Italian restaurant in Town and Country.

We earlybirds sat at the bar having cocktails. And when everyone arrived, we found a private room especially prepared for our group.

Marc hasn’t been at his current employer for two years yet, but the firm has expressed a great deal of enthusiasm for his ideas. They’ve been very supportive in implementing those ideas as well as showing appreciation for his hard work. He’s already won an award for client development and this summer was asked to be a stockholder. As of last night, he was promoted to a director.  

So we toasted Marc. And then one of the partners of his office made a speech about how important spouses are to the company. Then we spouses were given gifts (cough, Waterford Crystal, cough) as a “thank-you” for supporting our hardworkin’ loverlies. SWEET!

And then there was much eating, imbibing, and lively conversation. And a “brown squirrel” dessert drink which tasted like a chocolate shake with Amaretto. (I am convinced these drinks could bring about world peace AND alleviate PMS.)

And then there was even more dessert and coffee.  And more laughing. It was a bit of a rough morning, but damn! What a fun night. (I may not have to eat for an entire week. Also, if you ever go there, do yourself a favor and GET THE SEA BASS!  See how strongly I feel about the sea bass? I used an exclamation point AND caps! It totally warrants that kind of emphasis!)

So congrats to mah hubby. I’m proud of ya babe. And happy for you too.

P.S. Yes, with the wild pattern on the dress and bangs I think I look like a reject from a 70’s porno too! I was NOT going for this look but its a long story… ) 

The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the scary ordeal is no longer “scary” nor an “ordeal”.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.

So thanks to: Glennia, Kathryn, Stephanie, Momisodes, Amy, Mollie, Tracey, Kat, Rebecca, Madge, Jenn, Mahala, Ali, MoxieMamaKC, Angela, Growing a pair, Amanda, and Metro Mama.

This is one very proud boy. Why? Well, do you see that gap? He lost his first tooth today (literally) at school.  

Apparently when he realized he lost it, (in a hallway) everyone started hunting for the tooth. But there was no success. He was very upset. The burning question of the day? If a tooth falls out but no one can find it, will the tooth fairy still show? Or more importantly to a 6-year-old saving money for a Darth Vader costume, WILL I STILL GET THE MONEY?

He’s pretty confident the tooth fairy will deliver.

Congrats to Lori and Janelle and Carrie. They all won a FREE gift card for a Pizza Hut pasta dish. (A review on their most recent pasta addition can be found HERE.) Ladies, drop me an e-mail at mother of bun at yahoo dot com and give me your address so that Pizza Hut can send you your gift card!

The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the scarey ordeal is no longer “scarey” nor an “ordeal”.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.

So thanks to: Queen of Shake Shake, jj, Quart, Mothergoosemouse, Mama Tulip, Dysfunctional Mom, Alex Year Two, Because I Said So!, Reddy Zoo, Dodo, The New Girl, Phat Mommy, Mamalogues, Dawn’s Diversions, Seeking My Zen Garden, Not Perfect, Working Moms Against Guilt.

Everyone has those dirty little secret snacks hiding somewhere in their house. Ok. Maybe you don’t, but we do!

So when Parent Bloggers Network asked bloggers everywhere what’s in the our panties? (er uh, PANTRIES. Typo but I’m keeping it.) I felt compelled to share.

 Now that Seth’s in school and he has to bring a snack each day, we HAVE to have alot of snacks in the house, right? (Ok, so that’s what I tell myself.) So as you can see, there’s no way anyone’s gonna go hungry — Nilla’s, Fruit Roll-Ups, Goldfish crackers, barbecue chips and Cheetos crackers. (You can’t even see the popcorn or the Doritos hidden in the back.) And that’s not counting the “candy box”.

The candy box usually contains the sweets. In this case licorice and Hershey’s Candy Corn Kisses as well as a stray Hostess Ding Dong and as a few lollipops.

And did I mention how we usually have some sort of baked good in the house as well? Last week it was a Cherry Stollen from a local bakery. But earlier this week I made chocolate chip cookies. Next week I’ll probably make brownies…

If you read this blog with regularity, you’ll ask yourself, “Where the hell is the chocolate.” Well… Good question. Last month between a food poisoning and some other stressful event, I stopped eating sweets. Hell, I stopped eating much of anything. I lost 12 pounds! And for some reason now, I just don’t get much pleasure out of eating sweets (or anything in general.) The good thing about this is that its been easy to keep that weight off. So now what I buy is stuff the hubby and the boy will eat, ergo…

Why don’t YOU share your snack time stories too. Post anytime between Sept 5 and 7th. And don’t forget to include links to http://www.brothersallnatural.com/ and http://blog.parentbloggers.com as well as mention, “This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as an entry for a contest sponsored by Brothers-All-Natural.” Then send the post link to parentbloggers@gmail.com for a little linky-love and a chance to win FREE groceries for a month (a $250 value) as well as some Fruit Crisps and Potato Crisps!

(This post was written as part of a blog blast sponsored by Parent Bloggers Network and Brothers-All-Natural.)

Oh and speaking of FREE. Win a FREE gift card for a Pizza Hut pasta dish. (A review on their most recent pasta addition can be found HERE.) Three winners will be chosen. To enter, just leave a comment by Tuesday evening on this blog or Midwestern Mommy Reviews.

Last week, the hubby and I spent a morning at a fine local hospital. The experience included drinking some sort of liquid mixed with 7-Up, waiting around, drinking more of it, then ultimately having a futuristic-looking medical machine, (that looks a lot like a Stargate ) take fancy x-rays of my insides. 

The drink I ingested, called “contrast”, sort of lights up the digestive system so doctors get a super clear view of your digestive track. Oh and to be even more thorough, I was given an IV with a different sort of contrast. I wasn’t expecting a needle so when I found out about this little extra, my fight or flight response took over. 

As usual when I encounter a needle, my entire being wants to jump up and run into a woods, even if my ass is hanging out of a hospital gown. But the logical part of my brain steadfastly commands my body, “STAY! STTTAAAAYYY!” much like the way I yell at my dog when she tries to lunge for a bag of spilled M&M’s .

The needle phobia is not helped when the dye is so thick you can feel your vein quiver as the gunk is injected. But just as the nurse predicted, my whole body soon grew warm and I got to experience the “pee in your pants” sensation, only without coldness and mess.

This past Friday I had a follow-up with a final specialist for “The Cancer that wasn’t Cancer“.  He gave me the “offical” news. In a nutshell? I’m fine. Completely healthy, even. The doctor gave me permission to go back to my boozing, brawling, drug-filled lifestyle. (”Boozing” if you mean an occasional drink. “Brawling” if you mean fighting with a boy to do his homework. And “drug-filled” if you mean taking a daily dose of Zyrtek.) 

Early cat scans weren’t very clear so when doctors saw a big white blob in and around the colon they assumed it was cancer. (But clearer tests done later that week showed a very, very inflammed and irritated colon. Actually a colon so inflammed parts of it weren’t getting enough blood flow. Yikes!) At one point, doctors still weren’t sure what was going on so they pumped me with antibiotics and waited. In that time at home and on antibiotics, the big white blob cleared up. The recent specialist is convinced it was a really just a nasty case of food poisoning.

Food poisoning. Sort of anti-climatic, yes? But I’m totally fine with that.

The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the scarey ordeal is no longer “scarey” nor an “ordeal”.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.

So thanks to: Jennifer, Carrie, Suebob, Motherbumper, Melissa, Alissa, Nancy, Vdog, Assertagirl, Angie, Morning Light Mama, Maeve’s mom, Kel, Debbie, and Her Bad Mother.

When we talked about the upcoming start of school, Seth hadn’t expressed anything but excitement. So when the “big day” arrived, sunny and promising, he was ready. He was armed with a cool haircut, wearing his prized Sketchers, and was ready for the action. Or so I thought.

Ten minutes before the bus was to arrive, he asked me to take him. I grumbled about it being the last minute. I said “no” at first. He persisted. I relented. And I’m so glad I did.

In the car, I snuck a peek at him through the rearview window. He looked sad.

“What’s the matter, bunny?”

“I’m nervous. I don’t know if I’ll be able to learn everything in first grade. What if I can’t pay attention like last year?”

My heart melted. I remember being nervous the first day of school but I assumed it was only me who’d felt that way. I was a nervous kid full of self-doubt. Seth is a happy kid with self-confidence.   

We walked into his school together. He remembered where his new classroom was and recognized his teacher from the ice cream social they had the day before. He sat down at his desk, chatted with a few of his old classmates, and seemed perfectly at ease. We took a few photos (with camera phone because I didn’t think to bring the real camera) and then he said in a very serious manner, “Mom. You can go home now. I’ll be ok.”

And so he was.

(The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the bad news turned into good news.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.

So thanks to: Sally, Pattie,Gregg, Jill, Heather G, Dawn, Tania, Amy, Jana, Christina, Kerri, Raising Z, Theresa, Jillian Inc, and Kerrie.

Ever since this past spring, “the boy” has been angling for a pair Sketchers. (What is so magical about Sketchers? No clue.) He finally got his wish a few days ago. He’s so proud of his recent “back-to-school” acquisition. He walks with a new-found spring in his step. He swears they make him run faster and kick a ball farther. 

But what’s also been amusing is his new-found interested in hair care products. Tired of getting pestered over “do my hair” requests, I bought him his very own product yesterday. 

While in the grocery store, Seth mulled over his choices. He asked about gels versus mousse. Once he had his choices narrowed down to three products (based on packaging, naturally), he decided to smell each brand. The manliest scent won.

We got home and he raced upstairs with the mousse and emerged with spikey hair and a very proud smile.

Seth learned a valuable life lesson - that a favorite pair of shoes and great hair day can make you feel like you can conquer the world.

The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the bad news turned into good news.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.

So thanks to: Beth D, A Bun’s Life, Snowberry Lane, Its All For the Best, Parachuting Without a Net, Wicked Auntie (who is wicked in that cool way) Kathie, Mommy’s Martini, Rancid Raves, My Second Journal, Blonde Mom Blog, and Moto Mom.

Wow, what a difference two weeks makes. Am feeling back to my old self and ready to tackle anything. Learned alot the past few weeks. Here’s some tidbits I’d like to (over) share.

*A cancer scare puts alot of things into perspective. And it makes you and your spouse appreciate each other all the more.

*Is my colon is “cleaner” than yours? Unless you got a colonoscopy on or before last week Wednesday? I’m guessing “yeah.” 

*If you happen to get a little Morphine, ask for some Zofran first. Takes the nausea out of the experience. But if I had the choice to stockpile something, I’d choose Zofran over Morphine. Fall and winter months bring stomach viruses and flu bugs. Ick.

*Need a t-shirt that says, “I’m not a junkie, I was just really dehydrated when the nurses tried to put in an IV. They couldn’t get a vein.” Seriously. If you look at my arms, you might wonder… On that note, sometimes a nurse can strike a nerve. And holy hell! Now I have an idea of what it feels like if you stuck a knife in a toaster.

*Don’t let little boys near a motorized bed. Seriously. They can’t resist the buttons on hospital beds and will try to turn you into a taco - JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN. The boy now wants a motorized bed for Christmas.

*Want to lost 7 pounds in a matter of two weeks? Refer to previous posts. (But eating ice cream with complete abandon for a few days once you DO feel better is probably not a good idea if you want to keep that weight off. That being said, banana-split flavored ice cream? Come to mama!)

*Oh and radioactive dye goes better with 7-Up. And if you have to drink that salty motor oil nastiness to clean out your colon? 7-Up helps that stuff go down a bit better too. (Am so sick of drinking 7-Up!)

*Even if your little boy spends several days with his best friend, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, eventually he will miss that bossy woman who makes him shower, brush his teeth and work on his handwriting. Because although she’s “never ever any fun”, she does tuck him in at night and snuggles him. He will also miss his bed, antagonizing the dog, and his “boring” routine after awhile.  

THANK YOU to everyone who’s been reading and sending prayers/happy vibes my way. They have been working!

And speaking of “routine”, school is starting soon. That means new supplies, clothes, shoes and underwear, right? Check out this review for Hanes Comfort Fit Boxers on behalf of Parent Bloggers.

To make a long story short - On Monday I went to the ER. I had experienced intense stomach pain (and burning) for days. I couldn’t eat, hardly slept, felt nauseous and was miserable. Cat scans revealed a large mass in the colon area that doctors interpreted as a tumor. They told me to summon my family. They admitted me to the oncology ward. They told me I’d need more tests because they couldn’t figure out whether I had colon cancer or lymphoma.

That was five days ago. In that time, a number of tests were done. Many prayers were said, tears shed, cards sent, well wishes expressed and morphine taken. Another cat scan (this time with contrast) was taken on Thursday. This one, along with a different test done on Wednesday, showed no tumors. In other words, NO COLON CANCER NOR LYMPHOMA.

They have no clue what the hell is wrong with me but I DON’T HAVE CANCER.

They found thickness and inflammation along the colon walls. They found a part of the colon wasn’t getting enough blood flow. They think my appendix has been oozing gunk and the colon built a wall to protect itself and the body from infection. They think that’s the reason a part of the colon wasn’t getting enough blood flow.

This would explain why I’ve been so tired all summer.

They started intravenous antibiotics at the hospital. The plan, for now, is to continue with the antibiotics. To let all of the inflammation and infection settle down. Then in about 10 days, have more tests done. And there will probably be a surgery to remove the appendix or to get a biopsy. But overall? Whatever I have IS FIXABLE!  NO CANCER!

Words can not express how relieved I am. In fact, I’m so relieved it takes my breath away. I’m still tired. I still have some stomach pain but NOTHING like earlier this week.

I’m a quiet person (except around people I know really well.) When I’m not feeling good or upset about stuff, I retreat into myself. I was shocked and scared when I heard the diagnosis. But at the same time, I felt so alone. A part of me wanted to just re-treat but I also felt compelled to write about the diagnosis. Writing helps me make sense of things. And I needed to make sense of it all. I didn’t think about the reaction I’d get. I rarely check my stats. So I rarely have an idea of who’s reading or if anyone really IS reading. My blog is what I call the “under the radar” type”

So the reaction from family, friends, neighbors, husband’s colleagues (and even a few of his clients) and fellow bloggers has been overwhelming - to know so many people care. I wasn’t expecting anything from anyone. I was too busy wondering how we’d pay for the treatment and how it would affect my little boy. But I am amazed and touched.There is tremendous power in prayer and I could feel that prayer all week. I could feel it physically, mentally and even in my marriage and in the amazing health professionals who took care of me. Thank you for your good vibes, kind words, e-mails, flowers, candy, cards, calls, and messages of support. It has been a scary, wild ride — one I hope to never repeat. But I’m thinking we’ve gotten through the worst of it (NO CANCER!) and I couldn’t have done it all without each and every one of you. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

*Updated update (Thursday) - another cat scan scheduled for today. This time to look into the chest at lymph nodes. Possible surgery for another biopsy depending on cat scan. There is a part of the colon that hasn’t been getting enough blood flow. There is also a mass around that part of the colon. They don’t know if the mass was preventing a certain part of the colon from getting enough blood or vise versa.

A little more than 48 hours ago, an emergency room doctor showed me two cat scans of my colon and told me I had cancer.*** In the same breath, he told me he was admitting me to the oncology ward of the hospital and appointments with an oncologist, gi-specialist, another internal medicine guy (I can’t remember the name of), and surgeon were being set up.

Over that time much as happened. Aside from tears shed, IV’s changed, and multitude of nurse/doctor visits, there have also been tests conducted to find out exactly what we’re up against. 

From the previous cat scans it looked as if a chunk of colon was obstructed by a large mass. But today, the doctor performing the colonoscopy found no such mass. The colon is very, very inflammed, but no mass. The biopsy results are still out, but the doctor thinks the odds of cancer in the colon are very small.

The doctor who conducted that test then spoke with the oncologist afterward. And so far, while the oncologist hasn’t ruled out lymphoma completely, he says my chances of having that are small based on what results are coming in.

I’ll take “small chance.” 

Now they think it might be that at some point my appendix became so inflamed that the gunk inside of it started to ooze out but the body has been building some sort of wall against it. Or they think it might be some weird colon thing I’ve yet to research.  Or some sort of abscess.  They are pumping me up with antibiotics and fluids. I think an exploratory surgery is planned. One more doctor still needs to review the case and test results in greater detail. He still needs to consult with the other ones. But for now, the outlook is much more positive.

Thank you, thank you THANK YOU all a thousand times for your comments of support, love and cheer. I cried as I read them. And for once it wasn’t the “Oh God, what’s going to happen to my little boy. He may grow up without his mom” cry. It was the “All of these people are cheering me on. And that’s so moving.” cry.

Thank you for the e-mails and visits, cards, everything. Am not sure when I’ll get to go home. Hopefully by Friday or Saturday. (5-6 days in the hospital. Hope they send me home with extra morphine. I’ll need it when I open this bill.)

 OK. I need to sign off now. Am all woozy from Ambien. So I guess that means its time to sleep. But just wanted to post an update. More will be written in future…. Thank you so much.

***The ER doctor had consulted with the radiologist so please don’t think he just threw out that diagnosis to scare the hell out of us. The cat scan looks really scarey. 

Cancer. That word scares the hell out of most people — especially those who’ve watched loved ones battle such an evil, unyielding force. The mere mention of the word has always made me shiver. But yesterday one of my biggest fears were realized. Yesterday I found out that I have cancer too.

I’d gone to an Urgent care facility Monday morning with severe stomach pains and diarrhea. Since Friday night, my digestive system was forcefully pushing everything I ate or drank out of my body. I could hardly walk from the stomach pains. I felt weak. But still, when I’d hobbled into the Urgent care facility, it was with embarrassment. I assumed they’d check me out only to roll their eyes and tell me I had gas. I figured they’d prescribe some industrial strength Gas-X product then send me home. I assumed I’d go to bed, wake up the next day and get on with life. I assumed that today, I’d be happily back to doing all of the mundane chores I do each day that keeps our home running smoothly.

But I was wrong. The doctor at the Urgent Care sent me to the ER.

After several unsuccessful IV attempts (because I was really, really dehydrated) my arms and hands were sore. A nurse was finally able to eek out a bit of blood to test. A saline IV was started. I was given Morphine, Zofran and something to relax me. 

Then they took me for a cat scan. They found something troubling. They discussed it with me. They told me I needed another cat scan. They asked me if they could call any friends or family for me. I called my parents and brother, asking them to come up. By the time my parents arrived, the doctor had stopped by to tell my husband and me the news. 

I have cancer. I still can’t believe I just typed that sentence. I have cancer. The words, despite the machines connected to me, despite knowing I’m now in the oncology ward, despite the long and chaotic succession of nurses and doctors I’ve seen, just don’t seem real. 

They aren’t sure if its Colon cancer or lymphoma. I cried, my parents cried, and my husband cried as he started making arrangements for my son to spend the night at a friend’s house. He stumbled through his words as he tried to tell my dear friend Kathy what was going on. It was the third time I’ve ever seen him cry - the first and second times being when he learned about the death of his grandmother and cousin Amanda.

My brother and sister-in-law came by a bit later. Everyone kept reassuring me, even the doctors, that my odds of survival are good. They kept telling me I’m a “fighter” and I’ll get through this. I never considered myself a fighter. But maybe that’s the lesson I need to learn from this experience?

So here I am. I have my own room, a cup of ice chips at my side, a bag if saline to keep my hydrated, and a bit of morphine for when the pain gets bad.

I don’t know what to say…. I am still in shock. At some point today, the doctors will do a little exploring to find out what cancer I have. While they think its an fast-growing tumor, hey are hopeful that it will be the kind that hasn’t spread. They are hopeful we’ve found it fast enough. I just want to get it over with because I’m starting to get kind of hungry…

If I don’t give updates, I’m assuming one of my dear friends will be doing so.

But the upside is that when you do see me? I’ll definitely be leaner.