Because a dear friend wanted to write a something for her little boy on his birthday, (which is today) she’s guestblogging for today. Giveaway Monday is postponed til tomorrow.

Recently my friend turned thirty. He had asked me for some “words of wisdom” on turning 30. I wanted to smack him, as I was approaching my 31st birthday: I am not that much older then him.

But then I got to thinking, what would I tell someone who was turning 30 who just wanted advice? My life has been an interesting one, and if given the shot, what would I do over? There are so many variables in looking at your life it’s hard to know where to begin. But then I thought of my son. He will be three soon, what would I say to him if he were turning 30.

I couldn’t think of anything on the spot but now I have to admit, I have been thinking about that a lot. The past few weeks, I jotted down in my journal a couple things I have learned about life through experiences, both good and bad, and the lessons they have taught me in my 31 times the planet has rotated the sun. I would rather consider them little bits of me that I would want to say to myself, had I gotten the chance. Words of wisdom? Hardly. Sage advice? Not exactly. Just some simple things I have learned on my own.

Maybe it’s what I do for a living, being constantly surrounded by death and the terminally ill, but these are a few truths in my life I have come to understand. Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forward. I keep diaries and journals. I recently started reading them and I can tell you this: most of the stuff that worried me and made my life complex when I was 16 is completely inconsequential to real life. Or at least life now. The real things that are to be worried about blindside you when you least expect it. But some themes are the same, if that makes sense. I can look back now and say, “Wow, that was something else!” The truth is simply that life is yours to live. It’s a gift that shouldn’t be squandered. Being angry, fearful or upset is a waste of time. Let the anger go. Every choice you make in life is half chance and it’s the same for everyone else. I want to live my life in a way where on my deathbed I can look back and say, “my god, what a wild ride that was!” Life is divine chaos, embrace it and enjoy the ride.

Love. I can say that I have loved and lusted. There is a difference. I have been in love exactly three times. I have been in lust god knows how many times. Love is when you would move heaven and hell for someone. It’s unconditional. It never compromises. It never puts you in a place where you can be hurt. It is pure. It is simple and it is complex. The ultimate oxymoron, it can have you flying high at 3am or even broken in the middle of the afternoon. Even the pain that comes with a broken heart, love is worth it. And while it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel. Don’t be reckless with someone’s heart. Don’t let them be reckless with yours. Don’t let anyone walk over you. Don’t compromise yourself for anyone. If you find that in order to be loved by someone, you have strayed so far from your true self that you have all but disappeared in the darkness, and one day you wake up and you don’t know how you got there or who you are anymore? Then it’s not love. I told myself that was the selfless way, the loving way, instead of the chicken shit way. I don’t know what it is, but I know what it isn’t. It’s not love. But don’t brood over love lost. Get on living and loving because you don’t have forever. Don’t hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love. I hope you find love in your life and when you do, for god’s sake, say something!! To often I have loved and not said so. My heart may have always been in my chest, but I never knew love until I had you. The day you were born was the day my heart started beating. You are my one true thing.

Any girl can tell you that beauty is a major pressure from every side. It’s not a matter of being beautiful; it’s a matter of the self-confidence to know that you do indeed possess beauty. Self-esteem is a tricky little bugger. You can have it and then it disappears in a blink, leaving you to wonder what ever was good about yourself. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you are not handsome. You are. People who tell you such things are trying to put you down to build themselves up. Remember compliments that are given to you and forget the insults. In my life, there are two compliments that I have received that I try to remember when I am having a bad day. One was from your uncle Ted. The other was from your uncle Erik. If you learn how to dwell in the positive and forget the insults, please tell me how.

Regret. It’s the insight that comes a day too late. There are so many experiences in lifetimes that people say they regret. I don’t think of life in this way anymore really. Everything you do is a learning lesson. But there are some lessons that you wish you didn’t have to learn the harder way in life. For me, it was when I was 19. I made a mistake that has haunted me in one way or another every day since. Perhaps one day I will tell you, but until then just know that I was stupid. I made a mistake and there’s not a day goes by I don’t feel regret about that stupid mistake in one way or another. It’s a lesson that was learned the hard way. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid girl who trusted someone too deeply. I should have paid more attention. I want to talk to her and explain how the world works, that there are bad things that happen to good people. I want to talk some sense to her. Most of all, I want to tell her to walk the other way. To trust your instincts. But I can’t go back. I can’t change the past, no matter how hard I wish. We learn lessons in our life. They shape who we are. I made the wrong choice, on a night so very long ago. I sometimes wonder what happened to the girl I used to be and can pinpoint that moment as the turning point. She disappeared. She’s buried somewhere under the dirt on that path. And I have to live with the consequences of my actions. That being said, the experience has made me a stronger person. I know right from wrong. I know when to get out of a potentially dangerous situation, whether it is psychical, emotional or mental. I will not allow myself to be there again. It’s one of the reasons I finally left your father.

Forgiving people is one of those things that piggy backs on regret. It’s hard to feel forgiveness for people that have wronged you. My advice on this is let the little things go. There are moments in everyone’s life that feel unforgivable. When you look back in 40 years, do you want to say that you were bitter for most of it? Forgive people. Forgive yourself. You are notoriously hard on yourself. Self-deprecation is a full time occupation for some; I would hate to see you fall into that style of life. The game of life is made up of chances. Sometimes you are a head in the game, sometimes you are behind, and it’s all a matter of chance.

Hatred. I can officially say that I have only hated three people in my life. Hatred seems like such a waste of time. You can feel betrayed by people. People can hurt you. People can confuse you. But each one of those moments you learn something about yourself and the person you are. While I can’t forgive those three and never want to see them, I have to thank them in a way. They made me stronger. Even people I once loved, such as your father, I can’t hate. I can pity, but I can’t hate.

Faith is something that is different to each person that it intertwines with. It sometimes can be faith in god. Sometimes it is a blind faith knowing that everything happens for a reason. I have leaned there is a reason for everything, whether or not it is clear to you as it’s happening. Having faith in the universe is all I can say to you. There is always a reason. Have faith that everything will be as it supposed to be.

Friends come and go but there are a few you want to keep a hold of. They are the ones you can call at 3am because you know that they won’t be upset. A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are. Hold onto your friends, the ones that know you, that don’t judge you. When the shit hits the fan, your friends are the ones you call for perspective. I know that I really needed perspective on a lot of things and in the past ten years I would either call uncle Erik or Auntie Jessie for advice. I have known them for most of my life now. I find it an honor to call them a friend. I have faith in my friends, for I consider them my family. I can recall that some of the most meaningful and wise words advice has come out of conversations with friends where we would talk all night because we just needed to talk. I relish the memories, memorizing the sound of the laughter, the insanity of my kindred spirits. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I think about the times when I spent all night talking with friends. It brings me comfort.

Which leads me to family. Love them or hate them, they are the only ones you get. We make our own family when we are older. But when we are young, we have mom and dad, and then the siblings. I will let you in on a little secret: your parents are fallible. Your siblings are human. Whether or not you like your sister, be nice to them. They are going to be the most likely to stick with you when you are older. Tell your parents you love them daily. You never know when you may wake up to a ringing phone saying one of them has died. Remember that they too are on this journey and are still in the learning process and sometimes, parents are wrong. Shocking, I know. It may seem silly, but be gentle with them as well. It doesn’t matter that you are 30 years old now; you are their little boy. Their pride and joy.

I guess I can sum this whole thing up in one word: Once. People always say “oh ONCE I have a job…” or “ONCE I find this person….” Or “ONCE things fall into place…” The problem is, while you are waiting for this “once” life is passing you by. Live it. Have no regrets. Don’t wait for “once”. Take a chance. Open your eyes. Open your mind. Open your heart. Let people into your life. Relish in the moment. Don’t even think about once. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. That’s the way to live life.

So this is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, and love to complete your life.

Happy birthday baby. I will always love you, unconditionally.

Love,
Mommia

In a few days, hordes of women will descend upon San Francisco for BlogHer. Many will party like rock-stars. (’Specially the women who are away from their children for several days.) There will be laughter, girl shrieks, lots of fun, cool swag, and probably sprinkles of drama/controversy thrown in for good measure. And I’m gonna miss it. I’m bummed.

But I have good reasons for missing it this year. All financial. Exhibit A. The rotting porch/posts that need to be fixed to the tune of several thousand dollars.

And Exhibit B. This is the rotting retaining wall that needs to be fixed. (Along the lines of $11,000-15,000 — if we’re lucky.) OUCH.

Also? Hubby needs a different vehicle. Oh and guess what? We’re in the process of finalizing a will and trust. (Holy Hell!Those are so NOT cheap!)

So financially strapped are we.*** (Ramen noodles for everyone!) But this is probably a good thing for YOU since I get really nervous around people I don’t know and inadvertently pile on the make-up in hopes of making a good impression. (Probably to compensate for my lack of self-esteem and confidence?) And then I end up looking like a tranny clown. Add to this the fact that I’m guaranteed at least one migraine due to the schedule upheaval/flight and wham! I end up looking like a cracked-out tranny clown. Oh yeay!

But you all will bring back great stories and photos, right? RIGHT? Have fun.

*** Please don’t take this post to mean I’m boo-hooing over our financial stuff. I knew we’d have a bunch of big ticket items coming up and have been planning accordingly. 

Oh and there’s a post over at Midwestern Mommy Reviews about yaknow…. Leakage. And how it sucks and is embarrassing. It also includes one woman’s issue and her quest to find a better answer. You know, instead of suffering then letting the doctor blow you off

Now matter what stage you are at in life, or where you are headed? You are not alone.

This is the message that continuously comes back to me when reading the many, many wonderful bloggers out there. No matter what your situation? Odds are someone who has a blog has experienced or is now experiencing that same thing. We are all connected in some way.

I recently participated in a slideshow for WhyMommy. She’s got an amazing group of people who’ve been cheering her on in her fight with breast cancer. Some of the people in the slideshow are friends from high school, friends from her MOMs group, bloggers and even relatives of hers. If you are interested in viewing the slideshow, go for it. If you are interested in knowing the bloggers who participated, keep scrolling. (For some reason this blog design doesn’t really show when I link someone. So now I bold those words, just so you know.)

(Sign holders)

Dear - Marty

Susan - Kristie

We - Amy

Thinking - Heather

You - Jean

Lots - Jessica

We - Kristen

You - Robin

Our - Amanda

Support - Fertile Mertile

Prayers - Liz

and - JJ

Love - Jenn

Us - Jess 

All - Rebecca

For - Nancy

That - A bun’s life

Team - Sarah

(If I’ve forgotten any bloggers, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!)

(Cheering Section)

 Cathy and Nancy and myself.

There were even people who really wanted to participate but couldn’t as peeps unfortunately had been given a very short window of time. Amie and Sanne from the Netherlands support and adore Whymommy too!

And thanks to Marty (aka Canape) who was, at one point, a day away from having her baby and still good natured enough to answer the barrage of e-mails I sent her.

(This post is dedicated to Marty, who just gave birth to a little boy as well as Julie, who’s pregnant with a little boy.) 

There are certain things about parenting a little boy that you don’t think about when you’ve got one “in the oven” and are lovingly folding little blue onesies in anticipation.

Like how little boy babies smell so sweet. But that scent wears off as they grow. And soon, you find that sweaty little boy smells alot like wet puppy.

Or how a man’s love for the remote control starts as an infant. See this pic? (Click on it to enlarge.)  That’s how we got Seth to roll over. Put the remote control JUST out of his reach. 

You probably already know that little boys LOVE their wieners. And how as toddlers, if they aren’t playing with it, they are showing it off. A bath for a toddler boy just means quality time with the wiener without impediments. Some little boys, (I won’t mention names) even like to sleep with one hand in their pants. My only guess is that they are trying to ensure their beloved body part isn’t stolen by some hapless creature with penis envy in the thick of night.

And of course there’s that time when those little boys are finally potty trained. A novice mom like me rejoiced thinking this would mean less work. But a mom who’s been down this path knows better.  (She might not tell you this but I will.) Little boys have HORRIBLE aim. Actually, alot of MEN have horrible aim. This just means that instead of changing a diaper? You are wiping down walls, the side of the vanity, natches in the trim, the toilet, underneath the bowl, the sides of the toilet, the wastebasket, and the toilet paper holder and the floor. If your child has some serious “water pressure”? You may even be wiping down the sink or mirror. In this case, hardwood floors aren’t really a good idea.  Oy.

But those little boys sure are cute. And cuddly. And loving. Be prepared for the marriage proposals your young Oedipus will make as well as the countless dandelions he will diligently pick for you on a summer day. Be prepared for the way he will rush to your defense if you’re pretending to the “the queen” and his dad is “the bad guy” trying to kidnap you. Sure, he might mention your “biiiiiigggg butt” now and again, but he’ll also say things like “You are the prettiest mommy eber” then kiss your nose. What woman can resist that?

And should your son become interested Star Wars? I’m telling you right now… There’s no such thing as “too many” light sabers.

Today Whymommy is in surgery to remove the aggressive cancer she discovered last year.  

Years ago when Susan and WonderDaddy married, my mom cut out their wedding announcement then taped it to the fridge for me to see the next time I visited.  (For those who don’t know, WonderDaddy and I grew up in the same small town and were in the same grade school class — a class comprised of 26 kids. So when a former classmate has a baby or gets married, I usually find out through mom.)

I remember stopping by the fridge when I caught a glimpse of a familiar last name. I remember reading the write-up then taking a minute to examine the black and white photo.  While the couple’s picture was small, it was obvious that the love and happiness felt by the two was vast and deep. I remember seeing an enormous amount of pride in WonderDaddy’s eyes and thinking, “she must be an incredible woman to have captured his heart like that!”

I never thought I’d get a chance to get to know this bride with the beautiful smile. But I did, as have many others.  Susan has managed to give so many of us a precious gift while she battles cancer. Time and time again, she’s given us a glimpse into who she is. She’s given us the gift of perspective, wisdom, hope and humor. Time and time again, I think of my old classmate and can understand how he fell so very head-over-heels in love.

Thank you Canape for inspiring me (as well as a bunch of other women) to write about Susan on this day.

You know what’s really wild (and wonderful) in this here blogosphere? When you visit a new blogger, see she’s from St. Louis then see a photo of her son sitting on a retaining wall. And you have a strange, strong feeling she lives in your area of the county. So you ask her. And find out she lives five minutes away from you. And that you pass by her subdivision fairly regularly.

You know what’s also really wild? When you hear about the wife of a grade school classmate having IBC and you start thinking… Based on what little you know about this old classmate… Could his wife be the always amazing WhyMommy – a blogger you’ve admired from afar for a very long time? What are the odds? But you have this really strange, strong feeling that it could be her. So you take a risk and e-mail her. And then you find out that Yes! You went to kindergarten through eighth grade with WhyMommy’s husband! In fact, you even had a crush on him at some point. And the whole thing is really wild because there were maybe 11 girls and 13 boys in the entire class!

And then you realize…. WhyMommy’s in-laws were at your little brother’s wedding. You watched them polka. (They can do a mean polka.) And? Your little brother, through his marriage, is now RELATED to WhyMommy! Oh, and one of WhyMommy’s aunts? Was your first grade teacher. So cool!

Oh and another cool thing… Is Nina Garcia’s “Little Black Book of Style“. If you’re interested, read a review on behalf of Parent Bloggers Network.

Newsflash: Slackermommy’s birthday is today. Wish her a happy one, will ya! 

Dear Facebook,

When my mom first joined, she thought you were so cool and fun!  I was really happy for her. I was all, “Wow!”

But then I heard that you have deleted photos of moms breastfeeding because you think they are “lewd” and “indecent”. Yet you allow others to post photos of naked breasts. You also have no problem with the many, many pro-ana groups that are also on Facebook. And? I just found out you don’t ban pedophiles.

I’m not very happy about this.

Actually? No one at our house is.

So my friends and I have decided to get together.

And send you a message. We’re seriously considering kicking YOU out of our lives — if you don’t shape up soon. And if that ends up being the case….

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Sincerely,

A kid who was breastfed for the first seven months of his life — five years ago. (And his mom)

 P.S. Boob juice rules! And so does the League of Maternal Justice.

On Monday, Seth and I met up with blog bud Kristie, aka Slackermommy and her brood. Why yes! She and her family ARE as cool as her blog. And fun too!

Through some conversations a few months ago, we learned we live a mere 10 minutes from each other. How weird is that? So when the kids didn’t have school on Monday, she was kind enough to invite Seth and I ovah to her very pretty house.

Her son Conner is about seven months older than Seth. They hit it off within five minutes of us walking through the door. We also got to meet her beautiful daughters, Madeline, Isabella, and the baby Marigrace. (Much to my chagrin, Seth decided that was a PERFECT day to go commando. So being that he doesn’t have enough butt to keep his pants up, almost everyone in her family got at least one eyeful of Seth’s butt crack. Sigh.) As for us mommies? I’m pretty sure there was not even two consecutive seconds of silence. Yeah, we did alot of gabbing.

Haikus

Oh little boy Seth
Your toys litter various rooms.
PLEASE, please pick them up.

Black, white and spotted
Abbeydog, get OFF the bed.
And please barf outside.

My dear Honeybuns
I love you so much more when –
you aren’t so gassy.

Oh lovely Dyson
A quite talented vaccum –
well worth the money.

Cool bloggin’ mommies
Reading your posts keep me sane.
I love all of you.