There’s a petite cake in the freezer. A chocolate one with butter-creme icing. Every now and again I’ll buy one of these cakes, hide it in the freezer then cut off a chunk of it for lunch each day. (If I do stuff like this, I feel compelled to exercise, so one could make the argument that sweets HELP make certain people healthy and fit. Right?)

The cake couldn’t be hidden this time, so there’s a sign on it. The husband knows better than the mess with my cake. But I like to give certain men in this household a “reminder” here and again.

It all comes down to this: I will share my life, my body, and my sleep space. I will even sacrifice my boobs, sleep, and sanity. But I will NOT share my sweets. (Ok. I would share them with YOU dear friends. And that’s because you understand the love that I feel for sugary goodness.)

Just so I don’t feel like such a horrible person for not sharing… Why don’t you lovelies tell me what YOU refuse to share with the rest of the people who inhabit your household? Pretty please? With chocolate on top?

(Heidi’s SO lucky. She’s been eating Norweign chocolate.)

(Carrie I promise to do your meme on Friday, K?)

What kind of a moron goes to Walgreen’s to get cough syrup for herself, sees a big-ass box of Russell Stover’s chocolates, spends 10 minutes staring at the box trying not to buy it, then breaks down, buys it, gets home and realizes, “D’oh, forgot the cough syrup”. This moron ends up eating the entire box in three days, feels all bloated, gross and promises herself that she won’t ever do that again. (Ok. She won’t EVER do that again until Easter.)

And then? A week later? She goes to Walgreen’s again for cough syrup. Again, this moron stops at the candy aisle — the siren song of the Russell Stover’s candies impossible to resist. She stares for another 10 damn minutes. She buys the same big-ass box she bought last time. She goes home, starts eating and realizes, ”D’oh, forgot the cough syrup”. AGAIN! (cough, cough)

This would be that moron.* If you see her wandering around your neighborhood, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. She may seem normal enough but DO NOT let her in your house if you are harboring any sort of chocolate candies (or cosmopolitans). She’s had PMS for two weeks now. Her will power ain’t that great. Fortunately for you, she’s not dangerous. And she’s not real bright. She is easily distracted. If you find her in your home, mention that your family is still highly contagious after a violent bout with a stomach bug. Or ask if she could babysit your six kids for a minimum of 12 hours tomorrow. You’d be dropping off your kids at 5.a.m. She will most likely run out of your house so fast, you’ll just see a blur** of blond hair*** and track pants.

*Last summer, this moron took 25 pics of herself before she got a pic that made her big nose not seem so ginormous. This was that ”lucky shot.” She usually looks sort of scruffy and homeless. 

**Ok. It won’t really be a blur because she’s a slow runner.

***Partially blond. The woman REALLY needs to make an appointment to fix the old highlights.

See this box of chocolates? The entire box may, or may not, have been hidden in a closet (under some blankets) and eaten over the course of three days.

This may, or may not, have been the ONLY food a certain blogger consumed over those three days. Candy! For lunch, dinner and breakfast!

This may, or may not, be what happens each time a certain blogger buys a box of Russell Stover’s candies. Will power? Why’d you just fly out the window? When ya coming back? What’s that? You say you can’t compete with a big ole’ box of chocolates? You’ll come back when the box is empty? Um ok.

This may, or may not, most likely happen again at least two more times this year — especially once Easter and Christmas roll around.

There may, or may not, have been a slight constipation issue as a result.

But I’ll never tell!