Dear Viola Trash Service,

Although our account is up-to-date, you haven’t been picking up our trash for weeks now. You haven’t been returning my phone calls either. But you DID make time to send me a bill for the next three months of service. Are you f*cking kidding me?

A hex upon thee: May your air-conditioning system fail while clogged toilets spew sewage all over the floors thereby causing a noxious stink that, due to the heat, bakes into every porous surface. And? May everyone violently gag when entering said workplace (for at least five minutes at a time) for no less than SIX MONTHS.

Other that? Love and cold puppy noses, 

Lisa

Dear Quest Labs,

A few weeks ago you drew FIVE vials of my blood.  I made an appointment for 4:50 p.m. because one of the tests required I have my blood drawn after 5 p.m. You close then. So I scheduled it as late as I could. I got there on time. One of your employees was so quick to get out of there, she gave me slews of dirty looks. I was easily out by 5 p.m. But apparently, in her haste to get her drink on, the vials were lost.

 You apparently have “no record” of my tests, vials of blood, or that I was even there, according to my doctor’s office. So please explain to me… WHY did I just get a bill for the supposed testing of that blood today? WTF!

A hex upon thee: May you get an unexpected, enormously heavy period while wearing white pants and no undies early into a hot date with a new guy. And may you be in that place without a tampon.

Love and cold puppy noses, 

Lisa

P.S. Are you or any of your fellow blog buds sending your kiddos off to kindergarten in a few weeks? Please let me know.