Midwestern Mommy

See this? This, my friends, is more than a simple squirrel feeder.  Because the pup loves to chase squirrels, this is what we call an “Abbeydog Exerciser2000″.

But its not just an Abbeydog Exerciser.  Since we love to watch Abbey chase after those squirrels, (Sometimes you can see the “Oh Shit!” look in their eyes.) we also consider this product a “home entertainment system”. Who needs cable when you’ve got something like this to watch? 

But its not just a dog exerciser/entertainment center. Can you see the little bungee? When the squirrel jumps on the chunk, it bounces! Add in a chasing dog and any squirrel can experience alittle Indiana Jones action for him/herself! Its like a thrilling-yet-tastey-yet bouncy adventure!

*Since Abbeydog is slowing down and she has to climb a steep hill to get to those squirrels, her likelihood of capturing one is nil. I can confidently say no squirrels will be harmed. Tho, if the little critters were wearing pants, there’d be a high probability of them wetting themselves. But then again, dignity is a small price to pay for some choice sunflower seeds or kernels of corn when you’re a squirrel.

The little next-door neighbor girl came a callin’ yesterday. She and her family are the owners of  Maddy, the dog we secretly nicknamed “Sneakashit” last year.

“Sneaks” is a power pooper who likes to roam the neighborhood and leave “presents” all over our yard and on our back patio. (Once she left a big ole steaming “gift” on our patio two-minutes before a bunch of rambunctious 5-year-olds invaded the house for Seth’s birthday.)

Sneaks also enjoys getting into our trash. If our garage door is left open for even a few minutes, she considers it her obligation to seek and destroy. She also loves to spread other people’s trash — aka the neighbor’s USED maxipads – all over our yard. Although Sneaks otherwise is a very sweet pup, she’s not our favorite dog in the ‘hood.)

Anyway… Here’s the conversation the little girl and I had.  

Neighbor Girl: I got a new puppy today! I want to show Seth.

Me: You did? Uh, Wow! (Confused. Almost too scared to ask.) What happened to your other dog?

Neighbor Girl: Oh we still have her.

Me: So now you have TWO dogs?

Neighbor Girl: (nodding excitedly) YEAH!

Me: Ohhh… (Silence. Glad NG is only 6 and can’t recognize an “Oh Crap!” expression when she sees it.) Sorry sweets but Seth isn’t here. He’s at a friend’s house. But I’ll tell him you got a puppy. He’ll be really excited for you.

Neighbor Girl: Ok. (Turns around. Stomps off. Starts screaming at the new dog.)

Me: (Watches her leave. Feels very sorry for this new dog.)

Anyone know where I can find a truck-sized pooper scooper. Wonder if Amazon’s got those?

*** We are thinking of going to Dallas/Fort Worth and Houston for spring break. If any of you live in that area and want to meet up, pretty, pretty PLEASE let me know!

This morning as the hubby was leaving for work, Seth, Abbeydog and I followed him out, waving our goodbyes. While on the front porch, we noticed bunko babe/neighbor/friend Jess pushing a stroller with her two-year-old son at her side. 

We waved and she came over to visit a bit. Her son, Caleb, climbed up onto our porch to pet Abbeydog.  He was SO excited to see her! His face was ablaze with happiness. He was enthusiastically talking and pointing. And he was petting her much more lovingly than Seth ever does. It was a sight that would melt the blackest of tarry hearts. Norman Rockwell couldn’t have created a sweeter scene.

That is, until Abbey turned her body a bit to reveal her back end. Adorable little Caleb noticed that dark circle under the root of her tail. (You know where this is going, don’t you?) In true toddler form, he decided to um… check out it out. Using… what else? His fingers.

Well, I don’t think dogs worry much about alien probes. But if they’re smart, they’d be more discerning about inquisitive two-year-olds.

Upon seeing two of Caleb’s little fingers “poke around” for a second, I told Jess. I washed his hands while she stayed outside with the other kiddos. He screamed the entire time. He was upset that I whisked him away from the dog, scared that he could no longer see his mom and indignant about me washing his hands. (That kid’s going to be 16 someday and he won’t understand why he’s so leery of me.)

Abbey hardly reacted. I’m largely relieved. But I have to admit that I’m also a bit alarmed too. I can’t help but wonder –did Seth, as a two-year-old, desensitize her to this sort of thing? And if he did, how on earth does he still have all ten fingers?

Its probably a good thing Abbeydog can’t talk. But if she could, she’d no doubt, be able to commiserate with those getting colonoscopies. Or gyno exams.

A certain neighborhood dog I call “Sneakashit” (or “sneaks” for short) runs loose in our ‘hood on a regular basis. “Sneaks” often tries to get into our house whenever we open the door (to let our own dog out to pee). “Sneaks” poops alot. And when she does so, prefers our yard and has shit not only in our house but several times in our garage. (Guess why I’m so anal about keeping the garage door closed!) Since she’s been hanging around our house most of Sunday and Monday, I decided to clean out the fridge.

And what to my wandering eyes should appear but some canned chili, refried beans, and chopped raw onion. So thanks to “Sneaks”, who was more than happy to eat up the leftovers, our fridge is a bit cleaner. But “Sneak’s” owner’s house? May be a bit stinkier….

And that’s completely ok with me. Recently these people showed up in our backyard, unwelcomed and guilted my hubby into inviting their child over for a playdate. Then, they LEFT FOR SEVERAL HOURS without telling us. When they showed up to claim the child (A SIX HOUR PLAYDATE!) they offered the lamest of excuses. They HAD to see a certain movie. And they told their oldest child — THE ONE WITH A DRUG PROBLEM — to watch said child. He didn’t. He left. Which would explain why, when we tried to called over there, no one answered.

Sadly the aforementioned instance is just one of many, many stories I could tell you regarding this certain family. Why yes, I AM resentful of the way they have repeatedly taken advantage of our kindness without so much as a “thank you.” I’m also resentful of how now that we aren’t so willing to help them out they force themselves upon us anyway. So while I’m not proud to admit my passive aggressive tendencies, I do have to say, thinking about the stink that “Sneaks” has unleashed in their house on a night far too cold to open the windows? DOES make my day a little brighter.