At the age of two he couldn’t say anything more than “ma-ee” and “no.” Now if Seth is in a room? There’s a rarely a silent moment.

He used to have a difficult time coordinating his upper and lower body while running. His arms and shoulders would droop while his little legs moved. Now he’s one of the fastest kids on his soccer team and in his second grade class.

He used to be terrified of the water. Now he swims like a fish.

He used to be scared of riding his bike, even with training wheels. Now he can easily maneuver on the tricky, wooded bike paths by our house.

He used to rarely sleep through the night. He’d often awaken and scream. Calming him down was very difficult. Now he sleeps peacefully and soundly every night.

He used to have problems writing, drawing, and picking up small objects. His fine motor skills were very weak. Now he connects the tiniest Lego pieces together to create his own masterpieces.

He used to only eat about four different foods. (He even hated pizza.) Now he eats broccoli, green peppers, green beans, potstickers, tempura and various Mexican food.

He used to require almost constant interaction. Now he’ll lose himself in his Lego creations for almost an hour at a time.

He used to need special help with reading. Now he reads effortlessly and is ahead of where he should be.

He was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction (or Sensory Processing Disorder) and Verbal Apraxia five years ago. He was diagnosed with ADHD not quite two years ago. Thanks to some wonderful people who have helped him throughout the years (speech therapist, occupational therapist, teachers, counselors, neurologist, etc,.) he’s persevered and flourished. (It truly does take a village.) He still has a few issues but overall, he’s working hard. He’s a fighter. And a sweet, snuggly, silly, vivacious one at that.

If you’re a parent who’s child has been diagnosed with any of these issues, please know that while there is alot of work in store for you, watching your child progress is one of the sweetest experiences there is. There is hope. And there is help.

I should have known better than to announce a pregnancy in the first trimester. I should have known better than to let the fertility gods know we were thrilled with their decision. And I should have known better than to start cleaning out my office, thinking of it now as “the baby’s room”. Because today some cosmic force decided we were in need of a blind-sided, bitchslap.

The embryo growing within me was more than a developing clump of cells. It was a growing bundle of hope. For a number of reasons, 2008 was a very tough year for my husband and me. Yet we survived. We might not have gotten through it all gracefully, but we withstood the hardships and managed to gain some valuable insights along the way. We saw this delicate, tiny surprise as the cosmos’ ”reward” for surviving the struggle. This baby we’d tried to conceive for years was a result of love recaptured and restored.

An ultrasound from a few weeks ago revealed a strong, beating heart. We were elated and started to refer to the baby as “Roo”. But when today’s ultrasound brought silence and stillness, Marc and I both knew what would come next. This has become a familiar path for us… The experience begins with the ultrasound tech’s awkward silences and after a few minutes, a quiet apology…  It ends with numbly scheduling a surgery and driving home only to realize you aren’t coming home the same person you were a mere hour ago…

At some point this week, I will emerge from an artificial sleep and stare into the bright lights of a surgical recovery room. I will hear a nurse cheerfully say, “Its all over. You did fine.” As she helps me get dressed, I’ll know that our little Roo is no longer inside of me. My husband will wheel me out of the center and gently help me in the car. But the grogginess won’t prevent me from noticing the physical feeling of hollowness inside me. 

My body will heal. There will be good days. There will be bad days. There will probably be a time or two where I call my mom to cry. But at least we have our Seth. Our sweet, silly, lively, little man. Maybe someday we’ll have more children. Maybe not. For now, we hold our son close. We learn what we can from this experience. We shed tears when we need to. We laugh, cry and wonder aloud, “What else is the universe going to throw our way?”

We keep our hearts open. And we remain thankful for that burst of sunshine we revelled in this winter — as fleeting as it was.

So I just got back from a certain conference with a certain manufacturer in New Jersey. (Yeah, I know! I have NO clue why they’d invite me either.) I can’t wait to talk about the all expenses paid trip but will have to do so on my review blog. 

 My computer is hosed right now. The hubby has let me use his laptop for a few minutes. So I just wanted to post a little “hi.” And let you know my posting/visiting/Twittering will be sporadic over the next few days. (Or until I get a computer to use.) Am all twitchy — haven’t read your blogs in about a week. Am dying to know what’s going on with you all.

We took Seth to his first Cards game this past Friday night. It was FREEZING. But fun. Even with discounted tickets (in the nosebleeds) it still added up to be an expensive family outing. So I’m just wondering, have you taken your kids to a professional sporting event yet? If not, why? If so, why? Is cost an issue? Do you figure “it costs what it costs” or do you cringe anytime you add up how much you paid for the entire adventure?

Just wondering…  

She’s not one to walk into a room. She sashays into a room. She owns the room.  

People don’t just notice her — they are entranced by her. 

She may be petite but she’s got this larger than life personality. Within the first minute of meeting her you can’t help but realize that she is a force of nature. 

And when she dreams? Of course she dreams big. She was a track star in high school. She was a cheerleader for the Arizona Cardinals. She has been a lead singer for a number of popular bands in Arizona for more than 10 years. In fact, she’s performed throughout the United States and even abroad. THIS VIDEO is proof that she can not only pack a venue but whip the crowd into a state of fun and frenzy.

Honestly? I didn’t like her when I first met her during the (hubby’s family) Thanksgiving extravaganza of 1997.  I felt incredibly threatened by her. Here was this outgoing, georgous woman with amazing hair, a perfect figure, and limitless talent standing within inches of me. I was overwhelmed by her confidence. I’d never met anyone like her. She had this amazing energy and charisma! She represented all the things I so desperately WANTED to be but wasn’t. 

One day, I finally admitted to myself that I was insanely jealous of her. Being brutally honest with myself gave me clarity. I wasn’t just jealous of her appearance or accomplishments but of her ambition and attitude. Once I admitted that, I saw how much I could learn from her. I began to follow her career with great interest and excitement. Like the rest of Marc’s aunts, uncles, and cousins, I was cheering her on. I was very proud of her and envisioned the day I’d hear her voice on the radio.

And then she got cancer. She didn’t know it though. She brushed off symptoms because she didn’t have health insurance. Her symptoms became more prevalent over time. When she finally saw the doctor, in late 2005, she was told her cervical cancer was at a Stage 4. It had spread to her abdomen and lymph nodes.

She quit performing and underwent chemo, radiation and a few surgeries. She focused her energies on beating her cancer.  She was fiercely determined to grace the stage again.

In mid-December of 2007, doctors told her there was nothing more they could do.  They gave her a week to live. She was transferred to hospice. But she never gave up fighting. She, her parents, sister, fiance, extended family and friends never stopped hoping. They never stopped praying for a miracle. 

She survived the week. She was even strong enough to move back into the home she shared with her fiance.  She survived another week. She was able to attend Christmas festivities with her family. She survived the month. And then another. And then another. No matter how tired… No matter what disappointing news the doctors threw at her… She never stopped fighting. She never surrendered.

But today, on Easter Sunday, her body stopped working. She was 34.

My heart aches for Amanda, her parents, sister Ashley, fiance Gary, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. I didn’t know her well but I’m grateful for our brief encounter. She had no idea of the precious gift she gave me. She’s a shining example on how to pursue one’s passion –  and to live, as well as love, with everything you have.  To me, that is the essence of Amanda Star.  

As many people know cancer not only leaves a wake of heartbreak but also monumental medical expenses. Donations are greatly appreciated. Click on this site for more information.

Dear Danielle,

Last night we e-mailed each other and did a bit of catching up. It was so fun! You mentioned that you a mere five months from turning 21. You’re counting down the days. I had to laugh as nostalgia washed over me.

As of midnight, I turned 35.

Seems so freaking old, right? I know! I thought the same thing at 20. (I’m now considered to be of “advanced maternal age.” That made me laugh out loud just typing it!)

I know what’s ahead of you… What you’ll experience in your 20’s. I envy you all of the adventures you’ll have. You’ll finish college. You’ll embark on a career. You will travel. You will meet tons of new people. You are going to have SO much fun along the way. You may even get married and start a family.

But honestly? I’d rather be 35. I may be about 15 pounds heavier than I was at 21, (Ok. So maybe more like 20.) but I feel so much more comfortable in my skin. The perspective you earn as the years pass is such an amazing gift. Things that seemed like the end of the world at 21 or 23 don’t seem like such a hurdle now. Most of the chicks I know that are well into their 30’s? Know what they want and need. And they aren’t scared to ask for it. They have “balls.” And that’s a good thing.

You are gorgeous, smart, and have an amazing figure. But I don’t envy you the angst that comes with being in one’s 20’s — of not knowing what you are truly capable of. Of not fully knowing yourself. 

But with each passing day, you will learn. You will laugh, cry, be amazed and ponder many things. We all do those things. But life just seems more vivid and emotionally vulnerable during that decade.  You don’t know how strong you are until you’ve been through some, well… shit. Just remember that it will pass. You will emerge stronger, wiser, and ultimately more self-assured. Please keep your eyes, ears and heart open. What you learn will greatly influence your actions down the road.

I wish you well, dear cousin. And I hope you keep me updated every step of the way. I’ll be cheering for you.

Love,

Lisa

We returned home last night tired but happy. Our trip to Louisiana to visit the hubby’s maternal and paternal sides of the family was a whirlwind of food, laughter, hugs, and car rides. T’was fun to see people we haven’t seen in years. Plus? Seth and I met some of Marc’s cousins for the first time. (Hi Cindy! Hi Ashley!)

I was going to gush about how great both sides of Marc’s family are. And seriously? They are! But I scraped it because the aforementioned Cindy and Ashley (as well as Marc’s aunt Marsha) gave me something this weekend that’s been sorely needed. And they don’t even realize it.

Cindy is the proud mother of a darling little girl. (She rejoined the ranks of full time working women this past Monday!) Ashley is the proud mom of an adorable little man named James. Ron (Marc’s uncle) and Marsha, (Marc’s aunt), are the proud parents of Carly, who’s finishing up college and looking at law schools. No other children are mentioned because like me, they each have just one child. It was fulfilling to talk to three women who are are varying stages of mothering their only children. More often than not, if I’m with a group of women, I’m the only mom with one child.

Shortly after Seth’s birth, I started getting the “So when are you going to have another child” inquiry. For the first 30 months of his life, when asked, I told people I didn’t know if I’d have another child. I felt so overwhelmed with all of his needs. I often got a quick, “You shouldn’t think that way! You’re going to regret having only one child when he’s grown. Besides, he NEEDS a sibling!”

This made me feel like shit. So when Seth got older and grew more independent, we began trying to conceive another child.  This hasn’t worked, obviously.

We’re no longer actively trying or planning to add to our family. (Some of the reasons “why” are unbloggable, sorry.)  It isn’t as if we’ve decided that we will absolutely never, ever add to our family. It may happen naturally or through adoption. But it may not. For now? Our little family of three feels complete. Seth may not have siblings, but he has cousins and lots of friends. There is no shortage of love, attention, or fun in his life.

But unfortunately others don’t “feel” the same way. And sometimes they can be rather vocal about it. (Typically these people have been ones who hardly know me or even strangers.) So at times there are comments about how Seth needs a sibling so he doesn’t turn into a spoiled brat. There have even been a few times a talker has hinted at my “selfishness” to stop at one child because, “when you are old, the burden of taking care of you will be on HIM.” Of course there have also been comments that insinuate my stopping at one means I value our disposable income and free time far too much.

Fortunately I don’t get those comments often. But I admit, they do send me into a panic to where I seriously question this decision for weeks. Because like all moms, I want to give my child my everything. I want to do right by him.

So this weekend, while hanging out with Cindy, Marsha, and Ashley, I saw how happy and satisfied they are with being moms to their only children. I witnessed the close bonds each mom shares with her child. I saw how these “only” children are like Seth in that they aren’t “lonely” children at all.

Cindy, Marsha, and Ashley? You helped me to toss aside some of the guilt and worry that’s eaten away at me over the years. If years from now, we become a family of four (or more), we’ll rejoice. But if that doesn’t happen, I know I will still be happy. And Seth will be too. 

Attention parents of budding scientists! There’s a super cool toy out just in time for Christmas. Click here to read a review on behalf of Parent Bloggers Network.

This Tuesday will find the small clan of Midwestern Mommy in the car making the long trek to Louisiana, or “Wheezy-ana” as Seth enthusiastically calls it. The mother-in-law’s side is situated mainly in New Orleans. (And yes, many of the family were impacted by Hurricane Katrina.) The father-in-law’s side hails from Lake Charles (but all but one sibling still lives in Lake Charles). We plan to spend several days in the company of each side.

 There will be ALOT of driving. Gah. But wonderful people and yummy eats. And lots of hugs and laughter.

To all of you who read this silly little site? THANK YOU. Am so very thankful that you take time to stop by. Hope your Thanksgiving is fun and safe.

 Take care!

THEY: Are up each moring before 6 a.m. They’ve always been early risers.
ME: Typically arise abit before son does — about 8 a.m. ish. (So NOT a morning person!)

THEY: Go to bed between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m.
ME: Am usually up until 12 or 1 a.m.

THEY: Have no desire to ever leave the rural farming community where our ancestors established roots.
ME: Couldn’t wait to get out.

THEY: Are staunch, life-long Catholics.
ME: My beliefs fall more along the lines of Judaism. (I think I gave my dad a small stroke when I recently told him I don’t consider myself a Catholic nor a Christian.)

THEY: Are conservative pro-lifers. (But would never adopt.)
ME: Liberal, pro-choice and would like to adopt.

THEY: Rarely travel. None have ever been on a commercial airplane.
ME: LOVE to travel. Did someone say “vacation?” In another country? SCORE!

THEY: Buy used vehicles and sell every few years. And they keep them immaculate.
WE: Buy a vehicle new, drive it forever and basically? Its a big garbage dump on wheels.

THEY: Don’t like spicy food.
ME: The spicier the better.

THEY: Typically don’t keep candy/snacks in the house.
ME: We usually have at least one baked good, some ice cream, and several kinds of candy in the house.

THEY: Know exactly what they are going to be doing at 5:45 p.m. four Saturdays from now.
ME: I have no idea what I’ll be doing 15 minutes from now.

THEY: Are very structured, disciplined people. My parents could time their own bowel movements.
ME: Fly by the seat of my trackpants.

THEY: Very neat and tidy. Homes are very clean.
ME: Dirty dishes, clutter and dust? All a part of life. The beds rarely get made. (But on the whole the place is usually picked up.)

THEY: LOVE Wal-Mart.
ME: Despise Wal-Mart. (But I sure do love me some Target!)

THEY: Love country music.
ME: Keep the station at 101.1 The River (Thanks Melissa for the head’s up.)

THEY: Are my parents and siblings.
ME: Well, duh.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the way my parents and siblings live their lives. They are very practical, disciplined people. I admire that. Course I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way I live my life either. (Even though my parents would disagree.) But I ask you… HOW can a child be so different from his or her family? If I didn’t look like my parents and siblings, I would bet everything I was adopted.