Midwestern Mommy

Last week, the hubby and I spent a morning at a fine local hospital. The experience included drinking some sort of liquid mixed with 7-Up, waiting around, drinking more of it, then ultimately having a futuristic-looking medical machine, (that looks a lot like a Stargate ) take fancy x-rays of my insides. 

The drink I ingested, called “contrast”, sort of lights up the digestive system so doctors get a super clear view of your digestive track. Oh and to be even more thorough, I was given an IV with a different sort of contrast. I wasn’t expecting a needle so when I found out about this little extra, my fight or flight response took over. 

As usual when I encounter a needle, my entire being wants to jump up and run into a woods, even if my ass is hanging out of a hospital gown. But the logical part of my brain steadfastly commands my body, “STAY! STTTAAAAYYY!” much like the way I yell at my dog when she tries to lunge for a bag of spilled M&M’s .

The needle phobia is not helped when the dye is so thick you can feel your vein quiver as the gunk is injected. But just as the nurse predicted, my whole body soon grew warm and I got to experience the “pee in your pants” sensation, only without coldness and mess.

This past Friday I had a follow-up with a final specialist for “The Cancer that wasn’t Cancer“.  He gave me the “offical” news. In a nutshell? I’m fine. Completely healthy, even. The doctor gave me permission to go back to my boozing, brawling, drug-filled lifestyle. (”Boozing” if you mean an occasional drink. “Brawling” if you mean fighting with a boy to do his homework. And “drug-filled” if you mean taking a daily dose of Zyrtek.) 

Early cat scans weren’t very clear so when doctors saw a big white blob in and around the colon they assumed it was cancer. (But clearer tests done later that week showed a very, very inflammed and irritated colon. Actually a colon so inflammed parts of it weren’t getting enough blood flow. Yikes!) At one point, doctors still weren’t sure what was going on so they pumped me with antibiotics and waited. In that time at home and on antibiotics, the big white blob cleared up. The recent specialist is convinced it was a really just a nasty case of food poisoning.

Food poisoning. Sort of anti-climatic, yes? But I’m totally fine with that.

The support I received after this post was amazing. (Thankfully, the scarey ordeal is no longer “scarey” nor an “ordeal”.) But I wanted to thank everyone who took time to read the post and comment. So I’ll be thanking a group of people as a part of each post until I’ve thanked everyone.

So thanks to: Jennifer, Carrie, Suebob, Motherbumper, Melissa, Alissa, Nancy, Vdog, Assertagirl, Angie, Morning Light Mama, Maeve’s mom, Kel, Debbie, and Her Bad Mother.

While at a certain camp in New Jersey, we bloggers learned of a very cool program cleverly named InfantSEE.  Many of us were amazed — we feel like a pretty in-the-know lot. But most of us had never heard of this program, let alone taken advantage. Since many readers of this little blog are moms with young kids, I wanted to pass this info along.

Most parents don’t think twice about scheduling/schlepping kids to doctor and dentist appointments.  But for some reason we usually don’t think about our kids’ vision. Many of us (me included) assume that if there was an early vision problem, the pediatrician would catch it. But that’s not always the case. And vision problems, especially undiagnosed ones, affect the way your child learns, interprets and interacts with the world.  And that’s why there’s InfantSEE.

 According to the organization’s website, “InfantSEE® is a public health program designed to ensure that eye and vision care becomes an integral part of infant wellness care to improve a child’s quality of life… Our member optometrists will provide a comprehensive infant eye assessment within the first year of life as a no cost public health service. ”

For a list of participating doctors as well as information on your baby’s eye health and program background, check out the organization’s site. K? 

P.S. Oh and if you get really heavy periods? You might want to read the piece I posted on Midwestern Mommy Reviews.

S: “Mom, I’ve been thinking alot lately.”

Me: “What about?”

S: “Well, I just don’t know how anyone could not like me.”

Me: “Well, I don’t know how anyone could not like you either.”

S: “I know! Its like….Its IMPOSSIBLE to not like me!”

Me: “You’re right. You’re cute, cuddly, fun and you’re very kind to other people. You’re also very good at sharing and you’re a good friend. What’s not to like about that?”

S: “I know! And I’m good looking and I have LOTS of cool super powers!”

Me: (trying not to giggle.) “Oh and you’re very humble too.”

S: “Yeah. I sure am.”

Uh-huh.

P. S. Speaking of kids… There’s a review (on behalf of Parent Bloggers Network) of Hip Hop Harry’s “Move Those Feet” on Midwestern Mommy Reviews today. If you take care of tiny dancers, you might want to think about this dvd.

P.S.S.Did you know that your uterus can fall out? Yup. And when it does, it apparently looks like a scrotum. Oy! But you know what can go a long way in preventing that? Kegels. (You’ve just freaked out a little after reading that and you’re TOTALLY doing Kegels right now, aren’t ya? Me too! But that’s one of the nuggets we learned during that little campy-camp thingee in New Jersey. Plan to give you the lowdown very, very soon.)

My heart is so heavy these days. 

I have a difficult enough time sleeping. But when I travel its far worse. I’m really weird about noise, pillows, texture of blankets, mattresses and a few other things. Usually I don’t manage more than an hour or two a night when on the road. After awhile the stress of being in a new place and no sleep wear on me. My routine is disrupted, I don’t get any time to myself, and I get really edgy and bitchy. I usually end up with at least one migraine during a trip and several after the trip. (Ask poor Kristie. She was my BlogHer roommate.)

Before the trip I was completely stressed. Things only got worse while on the trip. I took on some projects I thought I could finish while on the trip. I vastly overestimated the time I MIGHT have to get these projects done. I barely slept and had a super nasty migraine over the course of the trip. Honestly, I was ready to go home 12 hours after I got there. And no offense to Texas. Ya’ll have great weather but I seem to get this way anywhere I go these days.

During our last day in Texas, my cell phone died in the middle of a conversation with Marc. Our flight got cancelled. I got angry. Because he was trying to make back up arrangements, he was late in picking us up (he dropped us off at a movie while he went to a meeting). And I when my son asked why daddy wasn’t there yet (we’d be waiting almost three hours.) I had no idea and I assumed the worst. I said something very mean and unfair about Marc which Seth repeated within minutes of seeing Marc.

To make matters worse, I felt betrayed by my son for saying this to Marc. I know! He’s five. How stupid. I had no right to badmouth my husband in front of my son, let alone feel hurt by what Seth repeated to his father. The next day I made my son feel guilty for relaying my comment to Marc.

Oh and did I mention that at one point while in the car with Seth and Marc (we ended up driving home. Yes! At least 11 hours in a car — all of those miles covered in about 20 hours.) Seth was talking and I yelled at him to “Shut up.”

God, I can be so ugly and mean. And I’m so horrified and ashamed. I hadn’t packed enough meds for an extra day so that meant no sleep and a raging migraine. I hurt so bad I seriously thought I should go to the hospital. Most of my energy was directed at not throwing up. Turns out I have a nasty sinus infection now which was probably a reason as to why I was feeling so crappy before as well as during the trip.

My husband is really angry and disgusted with me. I patched things up with Seth but my marriage seems as if it might not recover from this. There have been other fights through the years and I think we are both so tired of fighting. I don’t know how to fix this. I fear its a permanent rift between us. And that really scares and saddens me.

My migraines, sinus issues, and insomnia don’t help. Because there are times, after a good week or so of not sleeping and feeling almost constant pain, I start to feel like a raw, exposed nerve. I seriously start to wonder if I’m on the cusps if I’m losing my mind. I start feeling shakey and sick and weak. My husband doesn’t understand what it is like to live with constant pain. (But I can see how it would suck to live with me.) I start to get depressed. I’ve tried all sorts of medications to help. So far what I’m on now has been the best way to stave off migraines but even the meds are no match for all of the triggers that can set off a migraine. (It is better now. But I still get weeks where I’ll have 4-6 migraines in one week.)

But insomnia, sinus issues, and migraines aside, I feel so ashamed of my behavior to the two men I love dearly. When I apologized to Seth again today he said, “Don’t worry mom. You were just having a few bad days.” I feel like I don’t deserve his love. Even now, the whole thing just reduces me to tears. And I’m working on taking some steps that will hopefully prove to be constructive. I feel like I’ve sunk to an all time low. I didn’t control my frustration and got irrationally angry. And I took it out on two people I love the most.

So I’m sorry about not visiting. I’m sorry this is so heavy and depressing. I’m sorry I can be so toxic. Trolls, or anyone for that matter, if you want to tell me what a horrible bitch I am, you are more than welcomed to. Because I deserve it. I did act like a totally selfish, horrible, ugly, hateful person. And I’m so horrified. But I just wanted to let you guys know why I haven’t been around. I felt like I owed ya’ll an explanation.

Oh and I wrote a review for Building Bobland Bay for Parent Bloggers Network. If you are interested click HERE.

Newsflash: Slackermommy’s birthday is today. Wish her a happy one, will ya! 

Dear Facebook,

When my mom first joined, she thought you were so cool and fun!  I was really happy for her. I was all, “Wow!”

But then I heard that you have deleted photos of moms breastfeeding because you think they are “lewd” and “indecent”. Yet you allow others to post photos of naked breasts. You also have no problem with the many, many pro-ana groups that are also on Facebook. And? I just found out you don’t ban pedophiles.

I’m not very happy about this.

Actually? No one at our house is.

So my friends and I have decided to get together.

And send you a message. We’re seriously considering kicking YOU out of our lives — if you don’t shape up soon. And if that ends up being the case….

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Sincerely,

A kid who was breastfed for the first seven months of his life — five years ago. (And his mom)

 P.S. Boob juice rules! And so does the League of Maternal Justice.

Do you need a source of birth control that can concurrently manage your weight? If so, have I got the procedure for YOU!

Three days before Christmas I had a wisdom tooth surgically extracted. By Christmas Eve day, I had a raging case of dry socket. In hindsight this was poor planning. (I know. Duh!)

Do you really want to eat when you have dry socket? No. Not really. Not even the tastiest treats and meats can tempt a girl who’s entire face is constantly aching. And the bonus? It gives you heinous breath — breath that will turn even the horniest dudes into instant track stars.

“Run Forest, Run!”

Once the Christmas holiday was fin, I went back to the oral surgeon. They took a small strip of antiseptic-soaked material and used a huge tweezer-like tool to pack it in the small hole that’s in my lower left gum — you know where the bone and nerves are all exposed. (I almost jumped out of my skin!) The antiseptic tastes bad. Very bad. But by the time I got home from the doctor’s office, I didn’t even care. I was pain free for the first time almost a week! Yeay!

I kissed the hubby when I got home. He promptly recoiled in horror and spat out, “Your mouth. It tastes as bad as a dentist office smells!”

Did I mention he’s got a serious dental phobia? Whenever he smells my breath his heart rate quickens and his “fight or flight” instinct kicks in.

The constant antiseptic in one’s mouth makes foods taste a bit “off.” This isn’t so bad because it definitely keeps a girl from reaching for that third piece of chocolate. And chewy, tempting foods like carmels? No way.

I’ve had to go to the oral surgeon’s office several times since December 27. The lovely staff now know me by first name. Today I was so excited. I was supposed to get the dressing out. No more dentist office breath! The hubby would want to kiss me again! But alas. The dressing hasn’t been out even 12 hours and my jaw is back to achy-breaky ouchiness. I’m pretty sure more “dentist office breath” is in store for the early portion of 2007.

Luckily for the honey he’ll be working tons of hours on a project — several states away. Unlucky for me? This whole dry socket thing happened while I was ovulating. And there was no “puttin’ out” at that time. So at this point, if I do conceive? It will be a miracle. And if that’s the case I’m changing my blog name to “The Most Holy (and confused) Virgin Lisa.”