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Three days before Christmas I had a wisdom tooth surgically extracted. By Christmas Eve day, I had a raging case of dry socket. In hindsight this was poor planning. (I know. Duh!)

Do you really want to eat when you have dry socket? No. Not really. Not even the tastiest treats and meats can tempt a girl who’s entire face is constantly aching. And the bonus? It gives you heinous breath — breath that will turn even the horniest dudes into instant track stars.

“Run Forest, Run!”

Once the Christmas holiday was fin, I went back to the oral surgeon. They took a small strip of antiseptic-soaked material and used a huge tweezer-like tool to pack it in the small hole that’s in my lower left gum — you know where the bone and nerves are all exposed. (I almost jumped out of my skin!) The antiseptic tastes bad. Very bad. But by the time I got home from the doctor’s office, I didn’t even care. I was pain free for the first time almost a week! Yeay!

I kissed the hubby when I got home. He promptly recoiled in horror and spat out, “Your mouth. It tastes as bad as a dentist office smells!”

Did I mention he’s got a serious dental phobia? Whenever he smells my breath his heart rate quickens and his “fight or flight” instinct kicks in.

The constant antiseptic in one’s mouth makes foods taste a bit “off.” This isn’t so bad because it definitely keeps a girl from reaching for that third piece of chocolate. And chewy, tempting foods like carmels? No way.

I’ve had to go to the oral surgeon’s office several times since December 27. The lovely staff now know me by first name. Today I was so excited. I was supposed to get the dressing out. No more dentist office breath! The hubby would want to kiss me again! But alas. The dressing hasn’t been out even 12 hours and my jaw is back to achy-breaky ouchiness. I’m pretty sure more “dentist office breath” is in store for the early portion of 2007.

Luckily for the honey he’ll be working tons of hours on a project — several states away. Unlucky for me? This whole dry socket thing happened while I was ovulating. And there was no “puttin’ out” at that time. So at this point, if I do conceive? It will be a miracle. And if that’s the case I’m changing my blog name to “The Most Holy (and confused) Virgin Lisa.”