I don’t do long posts very often. But I thought I’d share a bit of my past… (And while I didn’t give the guy’s last name, I admit, I was tempted.)
Once upon a time there was a small town girl who moved to the “big city”. She was 23, had never lived on her own, and had just ended a 4-year relationship with a man who’d been her best friend. All of these changes were very overwhelming. She felt very lost and painfully vulnerable.
One day she met a boy named Craig. She was drawn to his cocky charm. (Being that she hadn’t dated much, she didn’t realize that “cocky charm” is really just a nice way of describing an arrogant jerk.)
She definitely wasn’t in love. But she was lonely and she enjoyed getting to know him.
He was a few years older, and worked for an engineering company out of Ohio. He had gone to Ohio State on an athletic scholarship, he said. When he hurt his knee during a game his sophomore year his athletic scholarship ended. But the ever resourceful lad didn’t miss a financial beat. He had wonderful grades and easily secured some sort of academic scholarship. He had a blast during his time there and was even active in his fraternity.
Although he was working in a satellite office, (in Illinois) he said that in a few months he’d be leaving. He’d be moving to Ohio, where his company was headquartered. The powers that be were aging. They were looking to the young pups to further the company’s future. They thought he had alot of potential. He was being groomed for management.
One night before Craig and this girl headed out on a date, he cleaned out his car. He proudly showed her various mechanical drawings he had done. The company logo and address were prominently displayed. She found it odd that he’d show her these drawings. She’d never questioned his story. Nonetheless, he seemed proud of the drawings so the girl showed enthusiasm and admiration for the designs.
One night, she called him at his home. “He’s at school now,” his mom said. Later on, the girl asked Craig about this response.
“She wasn’t supposed to say anything. Stupid bitch!” was his reply. After going on a tirade about his very sweet mother, he said he was upset because he didn’t want anyone to know that he was attending SIUE to get a Masters in Mathematics on the sly. If his friends knew, he reasoned, they’d make fun of him for being a geek.
The girl had met some of his friends at this point. While they seemed nice, they also seemed like the type that didn’t take too kindly to anyone they thought was an “intellectual.” She let the subject drop.
The time for Craig to move to Ohio had come. He said he wouldn’t have a phone at his place — he’d use his work cellphone to save money. The girl got him a good-bye gift. He was speechless. He thanked her. He put the gift in the car, kissed her goodbye, then drove off. She went on with her days.
He called her now almost daily. A few weeks later when he came back into town, they went out. Something happened that she’s not quite ready to tell the blogosphere about. (Something not even most of her family and friends know.)
She never saw him again after that night. His calls, thankfully, stopped — for the time.
Shortly after the incident, the girl’s friend, Christine, who worked at the college, overheard a student who was being helped. When she heard him say his first and last name, she realized this was the guy her friend had dated.
She looked at his records. She realized it was all a lie. He’d lied to her friend about literally everything but his first and last name.
The reality was that this boy was a few years younger. He was never a student at any place but SIUE. And even at SIUE he was hardly a sophomore. He wasn’t showing up for his classes and he was flunking out of all but one (he had a D in that class). He didn’t work for an Ohio-based engineering company. He’d never even taken an engineering class. There was no promotion. He’d never moved out of his parents’ house. He’d never left his hometown.
The girl felt like the ground beneath her had been yanked away. Then she found out Craig’s friends were in on the joke. Even a coworker of the girl knew about the farce. This coworker gleefully watched the deception unfold. This coworker laughed while telling others the story. When she found out other coworkers knew about the deception, she was absolutely horrified.
Months later, the girl was contacted again by Craig. She asked him if he’d made it to any of his alma mater’s football games. “Yes!” He said. He talked about the parties he’d been to on Ohio State’s campus. She asked him a pointed question about the campus. (Because by this point, she had done some research.) She asked a few more questions. His awkward answers indicated that he’d probably never seen the campus.
“Craig. I know you’ve been lying to me,” she said, her voice even and flat. “I know all about what’s going on.”
She proceeded to tell him what she knew. He became irate. He called her horrible names. He told her he was coming to her apartment. “You’re going to hurt you bitch,” he said. “I’m gonna fuck you up.”
She hung up shaking. By now she was in the beginnings of a relationship with someone else. Although she didn’t want to bother him, she didn’t know of too many people in the city that she could call. So she called him, confided and asked if she could come over for awhile. She spent the night. Years later she married this man.
It has been more than 10 years since this incident. The girl is a mother. Little by little, she’s learned to trust people again. She knows her trust issues have hurt her husband far more than anyone else. She no longer questions how someone could have completely snowed her. She no longer walks into a room painfully assuming she’s a big joke to everyone there. She’s stopped questioning the “why”. The sense of confidence and competence she lost when this happened has slowly been restored. And for that she is grateful.
